Shitty Million Dollar Ideas

Have you ever wandered about in public and wondered at the end of the day who you could have been with? Well now you can find out with “Missed Contacts.”

The way it works is that it visually records all of the people you interacted with during the day. At the end of the day you can then scroll through them and swipe left or right. A match gets you contact!

Say goodbye to plenty of fish! Forget eHarmony! Now you can find love right out in public without the “awkwardness” of interacting with people out in public!

Ever seen a particularly delicious meal on TV then rushed to your local fast food taco stand or burger restaurant only to be completely disappointed in the final product?

Well not anymore! We’ll make you that delectable depiction at As Seen on TV diner!

Dorito shell taco stuffed to the brim with meet cheese lettuce and tomato? We got it! Fat stacked bigger mac snack! We got it! Crispy fries that fly from the sky! We got it! Well even slam a few ice cubes into your soft drink to produce that wonderful sticky wave. You want it real? At As seen on TV diner, we got it!

Can't show off what a manly man you are in winter because it's too cold for your Punisher t-shirts, tactical cargo shorts, and front yard arguments with your wife? This is the product for you!

Your neighbours will be left in a whirlwind of emotions feeling emasculated and enamored seeing you bashing salt with a sledgehammer at 5 every morning.

Who is the target market? Whoever is buying Dr Squatch soap, Dude Wipes, War Paint concealer for men, Black Rifle coffee, and tactical diaper bags.

How will you advertise? 90% through podcasts and 10% recycled corporate jokes on Twitter.

I also considered the name As salt ed

We buy a bunch of birdhouses and super glue fleshlights on the inside.

How do you clean the fleshlight afterwards?

You need to disassemble the bird house. The time and effort involved in this should allow the user to feel the same amount of post-nut disappointment as your standard stationary gloryhole.

How do you keep birds out of it?

Warning stickers either directed towards the user or birds such as "Penises only. No birds allowed." or "Human seed storage only.".

Who is the target market?

COVID 2026's quarantine.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/27569218

Ok, so here's what you do.

Step 1) You take out a sketchpad. You come up with concept art for an outfit/costume you can wear to parties. This costume is not something based on other influences. It's not something that's kind of like something else. It's not something that you'd say "Oh, this would belong on this tv show, or movie". It's completely unique. It stands out. It has a presence all in it's own. You wear it, and it looks good on you, and people remember the outfit. If Spiderman were real, and he just showed up to a party, you'd be like "Whoa, look at THAT guy!". Your costume doesn't need a mask, and in fact would probably be way better without a mask. Just a guy/girl at a party, doing their thing, and completely stealing the show just by being there. That's step 1. Buckle up, because it only gets crazier from here.

Step B) Hire about 10 people to walk everywhere with you. Like an entourage. Have them basically simp you in public. Except the idea is that nobody knows they're paid actors. From the general publics point of view, you're just some guy at a party, and these people love you for some undefined reason.

Step ∆) Now you release T-Shirts of you. And your simps all have the released T-Shirt on. And now you also hire another 10-100 actors. These ones will NOT hang around you as if they're in your circle. These new actors just spread out amongst the party. And they too are also wearing your new T-Shirt. So now there's 10 people all wearing the same shirt, all following you around, and another 10-100 people all single, and drifting about the party, all wearing that shirt. So now it looks like your inner circle love you, but so do the general public. And these shirts can be purchased for $80 each.

Now do this same set of steps every weekend, at every party, and really fuck with peoples perception of what the fuck is going on? All these people bought an $80 T-shirt for some guy? What is happening right now, and also, who IS that guy? You could also adopt a stupid show name, like Princess StinkyPooButt. Even though you're a 6'1 250lb guy with a beard and no legs.

And now the question becomes: "Will idiots buy an $80 T-shirt of absolutely nothing?"

As I look around the world today, I see a lot of idiots. I like my chances that I'm going to sell some stupidly overpriced T-Shirts of bullshit.

cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/5476147

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/mildlyinteresting by /u/Altruistic-Result-58 on 2025-03-23 23:01:20+00:00.

This AI powered revolutionary satellite device will restore vision in third world countries as well as be a goddamn disruptive game changer. Series A funding starts now.

Picture this: you're working in a large open-plan office and you need to send a message to Steve at the other end of the room. You pull out your messenger handgun, dictate your message (because you paid for the voice recognition feature) and let it engrave your words on a bullet. Then you simply fire it at the target mounted above Steve's cube!

Fast, attention-getting and simple. It's the perfect system.

Mic in the bowl subwoofer in the toilet tank. Maybe it could be surround sound system compatible so you can pipe it into the living room.

Make your friends think there's a typhoon and thunder in your bathroom and earn their respect.

Self explanatory.

The slogan "Meat meets meat"

Probably one of the grossest thoughts I've had this week. It makes me thing about Smosh's Beef 'n Go video from 16 years ago.

Idea: Comedy subscription were you get the setup for free but have to pay for the punch line

#shittymilliondollaridea #comedy @shitty_million_dollar_ideas