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I'm not the artist, Pizzacake is. Source
I'm a guy and this is me with my friends. Every time we hang out they have such boomer attitudes about their wives, one is even convinced that I'm gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way. It's depressing, but there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates.
I've had the opposite experience. A few year ago a bunch of the guys I hung out with in college got together at a Wurstfest (German festival every November in Bew Braunfels, Texas), and got super drunk. All the married guys were talking about how they just loved their wives so much.
It was super wholesome.
I remember seeing here on Lemmy a while back that a good boyfriend/girlfriend is a best friend where there is also an erotic angle.
To me that's friends with benefits.
A partner is more than that, there's a connection beyond friendship+sex, but that's me.
As one of the ancient poets once said
How can we be loves if we canβt be friends?
- Michael Bolton, 1989
I'd like to propose that it's not an erotic angle, but a romantic one!
I know for many it's probably the same thing, but to me there's a clear difference between a close friend who you also have sex with and a romantic partner
one is even convinced that Iβm gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way
Classic Divorced Guy
there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates
Wife and I joke about how we can never get divorced because it would be too awkward when we kept hanging out as friends.
But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.
But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.
Some people are just better as friends than lovers and I think that's awesome if they can figure that out before doing irreparable damage to said friendship.
I have a pretty significant ex, and it certainly took some introspection and painful internal work, but I eventually was able to hang out with them again and still really value their friendship; I even invited them to my wedding, and attended theirs in kind.
As I saw it, this person was my best friend for the majority of six years together, and I didn't want to totally discard that part of myself that had that friendship, even if the romantic relationship didn't ultimately work out.
I work in IT. Every time more than a handful of IT folks get together the talk always turns towards how shitty their wives are/were before the divorce.
Or the wife is framed as someone who keeps them from buying tech stuff ("I'd like to upgrade my homelab, but the purchasing department keeps turning me down! Har har").
I'm just sitting here with a lovely wife who trusts me to spend money on what we need to keep the tech stuff working.
how shitty their wives are/were before the divorce.
Why did they marry them then?
Same here
After a few beers I usually just try to hold back the question why they're even together with their wife, if they're so unhappy with her
I do get, that some people just need to vent, but I don't have anything bad to say about my wife.
She loves this piece of shit, that I am. In my eyes she is an absolute saint
My wife and I are basically attached at the hip. Sheβs my best friend and we do so much to support each other on all fronts.
Meanwhile in our friend circles, itβs the total opposite. People that are clearly with the wrong partners but refuse to change or grow; one that continues chasing a relationship theyβve admitted is toxic for them; couples that are married out of what seems like trauma alone or theyβve simply drifted due to never communicating; a few with the weird βwife bad lolβ boomer mentality; a now-acquaintance that used to always give everyone unsolicited advice, has now started expressing misogynistic views after being perpetually single. Just no capacity for introspection and self-reflection.
My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are open with each other, we cheer each other on, and we talk through things that bug us. The building blocks are simple but some folks refuse to adhere to them, while constantly wondering what went wrong.
Women have always been the strongest leaders throughout my life. My wife is my world and I personally think that women make better leaders. Iβve never been interested in any of the dumb humor and thought tropes that come out of male circles about women, even dating back to high school. All of that shit has always felt weird and makes me lose respect for the men that lean on that kind of lazy punch-down humor.
Open, honest communication is the foundation for ANY healthy long term relationship. Spousal, friendship, family, all of it. It genuinely baffles me how many people don't seem to get what that means. It doesn't mean you need to be perfect. It means you need to approach tension in your relationship in good faith and with intent to fix it as a team, not as an excuse to shirk responsibility and blame others. Even if it isn't your fault. Blame itself does not offer solutions.
As a 100% polyamorous person, most folks first instinct is to ask me how I can manage it without getting jealous and are shocked to hear that, if anything, I feel orders of magnitude less jealousy than I would in an exclusive relationship. The problems they usually cite are problems that would be just as bad if not worse with monogamy, as evidenced by how many peoe cheat in monogamy. Their gut reaction is to imagine it as some sort of cuckold/cuckuean humiliation ritual when it really just comes down to the fact that I'm not perfect, I accept that fact and I want the ones I love to maximize the love they feel by seeking what I can't provide from others. It's such a burden off my chest. I can love my wife in the ways I do best and just be happy with that.
I kinda lost track what I was talking about I'm a bit sleep deprived. But I'm happy you and your wife are flourishing and I hope any changes to come only serve to strengthen that ππΏοΈ
Weaponized Competence!
omg just about every time coworkers talk about their husbands I leave the conversation feeling really, really, really grateful for what I have
If your friends trash-talk their partner behind their back, guess what they say about you behind yours.
Hot take: venting about the person you live with doesn't mean you'll be venting about people you hang out with occasionally.
But it would be good to discuss your issues with the person face to face, regardless if it's a friend, roommate, or spouse.
Hotter take: If they stay with someone they can't talk to about their problems with, they're going to have other flaws as well. A healthy functioning adult is not gonna be in that kind of relationship, or stay in it either
This is why I occasionally piss on the floor. Keeps some ammunition in the wife's bank.
Relationships work best when you just do things.
Only job I don't touch is laundry. I'm perfectly fine doing it, but my spouse has the most convaluted ADHD non-system. When I do help I end up washing clean clothes and putting away dirty clothes because I can't tell what pile is what.
All I had to do was ruin a few articles of her clothing and I was off the job. I was truly trying to be helpful, but the blowback was real. I still do my own, however.
Hey, a PizzaCake comic with a punchline! Keep up the good work!
Wow, you really know how to give compliments.
It was in earnest. I'm one of the haters and this got a chuckle out of me.
I remember my ex-wife telling me something similar - i wasn't even a very good husband because of my psychiatric issues which weren't fixable, but i gave her attention and wanted her to feel good. Seemingly the average hubby is failing even at this if the feedback she got back from her friends and colleagues was worth anything.
Spy X Family S3E10
I saw this from another angle a while ago. Speaking to a group of women at work and mentioned I do pretty much all the cooking at home. One of them asked what I make and I got the impression she doubted my ability, she is older and perhaps basing this off her own husband.
So I listed some weekday meals I typically make, made a point that it is all stuff I make after work too because someone had mentioned not having the time to cook.
Sourdough pizza, egg fried rice and lemon chicken, toad in the hole, pie with roast potatoes and gravy. Then sometimes if we want a pudding I sometimes make rice pudding, or steamed sponge like a jam roly poly or spotted dick.
Please don't be alarmed, but I am finding out where you live and coming round for my tea.
Lol my wife works in a clinic with some folks that are a little messy, with messier SOs.
I get so much goodwill for just laying in the cut. Sending a meme instead of a mean text is apparently a hard hurdle to clear for some folks.
It's the "Ain't it Awful" game. Just tell them he has a small dick and they'll concede. It works twofold: they'll feel sorry for you, and you won't have to worry that they'll try to fuck him.
This is quite a male take. Women don't really complain about this and it isn't anywhere near comparable to not helping with housework.
Besides, we need to normalize talking about competent partners. So many women I know are in terrible relationships because they've convinced themselves that all men are awful.
Hey I'll clean and be my GF/Wife's best friend but I just don't give much of a fuck about cooking.
I'll still do it, and funnily enough doing it for other people after I've already eaten sounds fine. But I despise cooking for myself and I'm really mediocre at it.
Cute. But there's such a thing as being too honest. If my friend is struggling with a specific thing I'm excelling at, I don't bring it up, or I downplay it. They'd never ask me to, but I try to be empathetic...
Er, and if your friend asked you directly how that specific thing was going for you, how would you handle that?
Again, I downplay it. If I get a massive bonus for Christmas and am asked what I got by a friend I'd said "yeah, I got a bit extra this year" or something. Not "I'm fucking rolling in it, bitches!" if I know they're struggling. Just an example...
I think there's a big difference between that and doing it when it's about a person. I'd imagine the conversation was something like "My husband can't cook at all, how's yours?" and she responded that he's great while the other women agreed that their husbands were awful. Would you instead make your husband sound worse than he is just to fit in with the group? How would you feel about it if it got back to him that you'd said that? Or, conversely, how would you feel about it if you found out that your SO was bad-mouthing you to their friends behind your back just to fit in?
I know for me, if I found out that my wife was complimenting something I did to her friends, that would make my day; if I found out she was downplaying something I thought I did well, it would make me feel pretty awful.
