Ask Lemmy

When something bad or annoying happens to me and I'm in a shitty mood, I say (out loud or whisper to myself) "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody!" and I usually instantly get over myself

Being nice to people. You come out of interactions feeling better, and you often get more out of people by being nice.

No screen time first and last half hour of the day, it makes a huge difference.

Also, my phone is far away from me when I go to sleep, though that one is preference but it does help to not think about things I could search online

I have a personal motivational tool I call "dopamine starve and reward". Basically avoiding things that give a false feeling of accomplishment and allowing myself to feel good when something has been accomplished. It's handy for big projects around the house. Number one is to not talk about what I plan to do (starve) until I've actually taken a big step (reward). Another is to not buy everything i need right off the bat (starve) instead buying materials as I need them (reward). This notion came to me after working for a small family business. The owners would have a project in mind, go buy all the materials, drop them off then go have lunch at the bar and talk about all the stuff they were going to do. Then nothing would get done. I saw this in myself and learned to avoid false feelings of accomplishment

Pain is just weakness leaving the body, so stabbing oneself in the arm with a fork does wonders

When I can't find something in the house after searching for a few minutes, I make a conscious decision to give up and take another approach - go buy the missing tool again, use a different material, whatever. The point is to decide it doesn't matter where the thing is. Most of the time I immediately look right at whatever I was looking for - as in within a few seconds. Family members are used to hearing me say out loud, "I'm just gonna go to Tru-Value and get another - Oh, here it is!" It works that fast and is very reliable.

My theory about this is that part of my brain knows where the item is all along, but enjoys the treasure hunt and won't let the information come to the conscious level. But once I sincerely decide to give up the search - it has to be a genuine decision, there's no faking it - that part of my brain knows the game is over and reveals where the thing is. But who knows, I'm no psychologist.

Amphetamines

After I come home from work, I want to be a solid lump of nothing. Instead to trick myself when I have tasks I need to do, I keep my work clothes on (including shoes) and it helps trick my brain that the tasks are just a continuation of my work day.

If you notice something needs to be done and the task takes less than five minutes, just do it.

Think in softer language. Things you "should" do, or things that are "duties" might not give you the internal reward you deserve for accomplishing them, and almost certainly cause more mental suffering than you deserve. You can still recognize good (or at least better) decisions and goals, but using softer language makes it easier to give yourself grace for not having the strength to try, the recognition of effort when you try but fail, and the appreciation when you actually succeed.

Honestly, I think that helps me more than anything else my therapist ever suggested. Though maybe not as much as the prescription I received from my provider. My worst days are when I forget to apply that.

"never leave a room empty-handed" if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn't below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it's supposed to be, eventually it's going to find it's place.

When I think of something that happened during the day that was cringeworthy I tell myself, “You are so stupid!!”

When I catch myself doing that I now stop and say to myself, “No you’re not.”

Oddly, this derails the shame spiral and allows me to stay positive.

Do only as much as I feel like. Don't feel like making dinner, but i'm ok just setting out the ingredients. OK, now I'm fine with just chopping vegetables. Now I'm fine just making the sauce. It only works if you genuinely allow yourself to stop at any point. If I have to stop after the sauce, everything goes into the fridge and I finish making the meal tomorrow.

I don't know if this is cheat code or not but I try to be kind to the people above me, like my seniors, my teachers (not my parents though). Acting politely, trying to appreciate their work, seems to leave a good impression. It helped me in little tasks but I have yet to see how much it works further.

When you're kind to people or simply are polite, they help you.

I never want to go for a walk in the morning, but I must do. Once I get out the door, I'm fine.

So, I sing this song, "Put one foot in front of the other" from Santa Clause is Coming to Town. I learned it from the TV show when I was very young. My mom used it to motivate me to get going. I've used it my whole life to do the same.

https://youtu.be/-hSUBBhlVn8

I used to do a lot of driving for work and it's important to manage stress in traffic. Whenever someone would do something that aggravated me, I'd pretend that they did it for some silly reason and it helped me stay calm.

Someone cut you off? They must have have to shit so bad. Someone driving crazy fast? They're trying to get to their wife before their girlfriend does.

If you're autistic, look between the eyes while talking.

If you're overthinking or worried about something you can't control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There's usually zero real benefit.

It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I'll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.

Be kind to your future self.

Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.

Better, there's an entire book of them. "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" (DBT) calls them "skills", but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.

smile, show up and act like you belong. even if you don't people will assume you do. if you want to join in, all you need to do is find the right person to ask.

i joined my first professional band that way. looked up [specific genre] bands in my area, found a few, looked up which one was the best, called up the director, showed up to practice, auditioned in and was their new [let's pretend i play upright bass. i actually do, but last time i played one a tuning peg flew across the damn room. i also suck at it. so i was not playing upright bass with them] specialist. favorite band i ever played with.

it's one of those "walk in and give a firm handshake and you'll get a job" bullshit advice things. I had good timing, they were looking for someone who specialized in what i do (they had a specialist who moved away a year prior and they were noticing the difference) but they were the only ones i've played with that did all the frills and trills.

I've always had a very active sense of humor, and am usually able to find something funny about virtually anything.

I'm not suggesting going around giggling inappropriately at whatever happens to be in front of you like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker, but I know being able to find something that amuses me about even the darkest, most difficult stuff in life has been of immense help to me personally.

Whenever someone is doing, or is about to do, something stupid, simply say out loud what they're doing, and ask what they want to happen.

When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.

Two minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes, just do it.