this post was submitted on 06 May 2026
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Programmer Humor

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[–] Technotica@lemmy.world 11 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

I get that this thing has electronics in it to allow ultrasonic vibration, but WHY does that need firmware updates? Oh look my knife got an update, now it vibrates 5.2% faster!

[–] UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

It could brick when you cut cheddar.

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 2 points 2 hours ago

DRM'd Cheese, the sequel to Unauthorized Bread.

[–] Brewchin@lemmy.world 9 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

A battery-powered electric knife (itself not a bad evolution of an existing technology) that provides the manufacturers with the options of remote bricking, subscription and forced obsolescence. The future suuuuucks.

[–] Jakylla@jlai.lu 9 points 4 hours ago
if(payment == false) {
    blade.sharpness = 0;
    handle.confort = -2;
    reflection.displayAdd();
} else if(updated == true) {
    blade.sharpness = 4;
    handle.confort = 3;
} else {
    blade.sharpness = 3;
    handle.confort = 2;
    speaker.playSound("needUpdate.mp3");
}
[–] savvywolf@pawb.social 9 points 6 hours ago

Doing a very quick search on this and it looks like the firmware updater uses webbluetooth. This knife has bluetooth hardware in it.

[–] elbiter@lemmy.world 10 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

It sends data to Google about how many onions you slice. Also about your political views and your family...

[–] nibbler@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Introducing pay-per-slice in 2026, to assure customer satisfaction!

[–] whatsgoingdom@rollenspiel.forum 3 points 3 hours ago

Frequent users don't have to worry though, we'll also offer subscription based plans. Just chose the plan that suits you the most. Even the free plan might cover your needs. It includes on stab and one cut.

[–] GarboDog@lemmy.world 17 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (2 children)

The vibrator knife combo is such a stupid fucking idea, just buy a really nice knife that doesn’t let food stick and sharpen it often. It would be cheaper and far easier than this garbage

[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 8 hours ago

Yeah but then you wouldn't be using technology from Star Wars spinoffs

[–] invictvs@lemmy.world 7 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Sure, but then how would I get my "personalised experience" while dicing onions? What about the assistant using cutting edge AI technology to tell me how to chop the carrots?

[–] eepydeeby@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 hours ago

Heheheh cutting edge 🥁🥁💥

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 73 points 15 hours ago (7 children)

https://seattleultrasonics.com/products/c-200-ultrasonic-8-chefs-knife

It vibrates at an ultrasonic resonance so you can cut a whopping 50% lighter.

I bought one to keep in my Tesla Truck full of Ouya consoles.

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

wow for $400 you can buy 4-5 really good knives, the kind that will easily cut your hand if you are not careful when cleaning it.

[–] DioramaOfShit@lemmy.world 16 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

Does the handle part vibrate too? Asking for a friend.

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 1 points 1 hour ago

It doesn't :(

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 5 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

Your friend should just buy a vibrator. Or 50 at the price of this knife.

Your friend is a pervert. I like them.

[–] luciferofastora@feddit.org 2 points 8 hours ago

Anything's more fun with a knife involved.

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 2 points 9 hours ago

Instructions unclear. Oh no.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 47 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

Ya know what else helps? Sharpening the blade

[–] FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Seriously, just get a decent quality chef knife and stones to sharpen with.

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 16 points 14 hours ago

But, imagine if that knife also vibrated at an ultrasonic resonance!

[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 4 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

If this were made in a way you could attach to any knife, I think it'd be cool. Sharpen your knife and add this module. I'm certain it's instead made to not detach, and you can only get the blade from them. If you sharpen it, you'll have to buy a new one from them at full price eventually. If they stop existing, it's just a dead product.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 9 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

Unfortunately because of how ultrasonic transducers work you need an extremely rigid connection between it and the blade - otherwise it's like having a spring between the two and it completely negates the benefits of being ultrasonic. The easiest way to get that connection is just to weld the blade directly to the transducer. In a consumer application like this, where you're compromising on basically every aspect in order to fit the form-factor, the losses from a swappable blade would almost entirely negate the benefits of the system.

In short, to have even the moderately functional product they've got, there's no way for them to have swappable blades. The system just won't be powerful enough to compensate for the losses.

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[–] dance_ninja@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago

Ouya

Whoa, deep cut

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 9 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

so you can cut a whopping 50% lighter

Help, I can't figure out what this is meant to say

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 10 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

50% less Newtons of force applied downwards as you cut through your food

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 3 points 9 hours ago

If you're applying force downward, you're not using the knife right anyway.

I mean there are some situations where you want to chop, but for that you want a knife with a different shape than this. A straight, flat edge that's full length can be in full contact with the board at one time.

The shape of knife in the picture is for slicing. Light downward pressure while pulling smoothly backwards. If you do it right, you should be able to slice a tomato without smashing it.

[–] Quibblekrust@thelemmy.club 6 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Can you feel it in your bones as you use it?

[–] BigBrownDog@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

I will never know

50% lighter

* compared to a hammer

[–] db2@lemmy.world 41 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Between the knife and expensive laptop I think whoever took the pic should invest in some common sense classes instead.

[–] SteveTech@aussie.zone 25 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

That guy is a tech reviewer on YouTube, it probably makes for good content, and he may not have even bought it.

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[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 16 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

A fool and their money are soon parted. No doubt the worst $400 knife you can buy.

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago

I meant chef's knife but didn't specify. When you include mall ninja shit all bets are off.

[–] Chakravanti@monero.town 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

I chose to be a fool and want the Mani Mani to disappear like Heath Ledger's.

Like fireworks this July would be my only base to let that comet go by in our shy of thrice around the Sun of Getting it.

[–] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 10 points 13 hours ago

Vibroblades?! In this economy?!

[–] einkorn@feddit.org 19 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

This is one of those situations in which I want to talk some sense into people but then realize mid sentence that it's a lost cause.

[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 10 points 13 hours ago

You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 11 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Ultrasonic knives have been a thing in commercial kitchens for decades, I wonder where they get off claiming to be the worlds first US chef's knife...

[–] nylo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 hour ago

not interested in arguing like that other person but I'm guessing they're saying it's the first ultrasonic knife in the form factor of a chef's knife. same results sure but I don't think there's a home cook in the world (okay maybe one or two...) who would decide that whole contraption is worth their counter space, whereas all contained like that there are probably some people who want it

[–] Eat_Your_Paisley@lemmy.world 3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Gotta link?

Quinn isn't particularly smart but my search engine nor is Wikipedia proving him wrong

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago (4 children)

This is the most common handheld style, there's all kinds of different blade shapes depending on application (god this company has poisoned the search results. SEO is a plague...) https://www.knmsonic.com/handheld-ultrasonic-food-cutter/

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[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 8 points 15 hours ago
[–] Eat_Your_Paisley@lemmy.world 4 points 15 hours ago

I don't think anyone has called Quinn smart

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