Dad Jokes

damn. I must have kids somewhere !

(add it to the list)

Eight-ish? Dad of two nearing fifty so I guess I'm on par for the course.

One is discovered thanks to US memes is the dad uniform including New Balance. I bought some NB when I was in China and I have to say they really are comfy.

The one about awkward loads is hilarious to me. Because it really is true though. You can lift a shit ton more if you've a good grip! I can hardly lift a washing machine, but I can carry one on my back without issue.

Zero points actually.

Maybe "horses", thats at least a bit possible since I would notice and look at them.

I'm a childless dude in his 40s and I tick several if you replace "kids" with other family/coworkers/etc.

I don't know, can you?

Answering yes to a one or the other question

Monty Python and/or Naked Gun quotes

I like to yell "HEY!" and point at a field full of hay bales. The wife almost always looks briefly concerned until she sees it, and then gives me the "a-doy" look. I think she secretly loves it though.

I only have one of these. And all my coworkers tell me I have the best dad jokes. I kind of feel like a fraud.

4½ out of 20 for me. I really need to step up my game!

My dad always said "let's rock and/or roll" for departure.

3:

"Glad we're not going that way..." : I say that often

"It's not heavy, just awkward." : I don't say it often, but I've said it before... more than once. I've also said "Yea, it's heavy."

"People don't know how to drive in this town." : Not those exact words, but I think about it EVERY time I'm on a certain road. If there's someone in the car, they're going to hear me complain. It's almost always about the same two issues too... driving under the speed limit in the left lane, and not having any idea how to merge into a different lane... If you can't merge, you should not be driving.

Damn, I’m friggin super-mega-dad over here. I also literally typed this with one finger

"That's how they get you" is a significant part of my personality.

Checked every box, passing them on to the next generation. Missed a couple:

Get any on you? - after a belch.

Pull my finger

Shoot - my wife gets at least as many as I do!

All but the first one.

I always say "flock of cows" to bait someone into saying "herd of cows" so that I can say "of course I've heard of cows!" Watching their faces is priceless.

Yes. Happy to make your acquaintance, I mean aquarium. I mean to say that if I was paid I would make you an aquarium if I could. I don't mean you into an aquarium, I mean I would purchase that parts to make an aquarium and then assemble them into one. I don't mean the aquarium would be just one part, there would be many. I mean just one aquarium, not many. That didn't take too long! I mean I'm still pooping. Well not by the time anyone reads this. I mean I could be pooping while you're reading, buy it would be a different poop batch for sure. Hold on. I mean bye.

I read the first column and thought "Huh, guess I'm not as Dad as I thought I was," but then ticked every box on the second column.

I’m fine. How are you?

I am quite surprised how many Lemmy users have such high scores on the dadness meter.

I am dad of two and I perceive myself as a pretty square, but I have near to 0 points.

I feel personally attacked

Ouch… 18/20

Edit: They forgot the mandatory clicking of the tongs after picking them up.

As someone who used to work in retail, if I’m ever caught saying “guess it’s free then,” I sincerely hope everyone in the store immediately stops what they’re doing to form an orderly line to take turns slapping the piss out of me.

18/20 jfc... This was probably a quarter of that before being a middle aged dad and inheriting my father's clothes.

I refuse to use any of these.
Instead I like to come up with my own new ones.

Like when someone comes back in right away after forgetting something.
I'm like: "Finally! Do you know how worried I've been?"

"Smells good!" When nothing smells good

Nothing about a lot of grocery bags and exactly one walk?

The last one requires you to pat the load three times or the magic doesn’t work.

8, and I'm a woman without children 🤔