Not being a huge dick is a low bar that way too many people don't clear.
this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025
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The rules for me to like you are quite simple:
- having a huge dick is optional
- not being one isn't
Is having a huge dick optional, tho?
Like how do I opt in?
Tiny check box during character creation, most people miss it
most people miss it
Well… shit. Can I reroll?
Rerolling is a feature exclusive to certain religions
Yeah, but only through microtransactions.
And sometimes they botch it.
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IMO if we're talking about sexual compatibility, a huge dick is a detriment. Everything over "a bit larger than average" is literally a pain in the ass - you can make it work with some effort, but if the dick was just average-sized you wouldn't need to put in any additional effort in the first place. Though of course, some people also have larger-than-average holes. And some big dick havers are pure bottoms, anyway.
I like a challenge.
Well, I've got one for you..
Not THAT much of a challenge tyvm.
Let's just stick with dicks.
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My girlfriend returns other people's stray carts when she sees them. I guess she's getting into super heaven.
When she gets to heaven, she'll have carte blanche!
Unfortunately there is no super heaven, but she is earning credits for any scenario where she’d go to hell.
"sweet, i've saved up enough points to get a pass on either one murder or showing vacation pictures to coworkers for ten minutes"
Ohhh gotta go with vacation pics. You gotta see this closeup of the sunset I took while standing on a stone column in Paris. Let me find it..... it's here somewhere... was that 2018?... hold on... oh here is a weird thing on my ankle last summer... hold on I'll find the sunset.........no......no.....hmmm... it's here somewhere....hmm.... hold on....
Oh neat. Maybe she can get some Hell swag.
If you're lucky, she'll give you her extra points, like using frequent flier miles to get your a ticket.
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stray carts
This would be a good name for a rockabilly remix band.
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But deep down, I want people to see me returning the cart. My motivations were never entirely pure.
Interesting philosophical question there. Do we ever do good deeds for selfless reasons? Or do we do it for the satisfaction, recognition, or sense of self?
Can any deeds even be evaluated as good or bad without the context of satisfaction, recognition, or sense of self???
Right? People don’t exist in vacuums, we all rely on each other and the relationships we maintain.
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"Does altruism actually exist"
Idk, the other day I saw someone had parked one of those pay to ride scoots in the middle of a walking path. It was not necessarily on my way the way I was coming from, but it annoyed me enough that I moved it to the side of the road. Was it a good deed? I mean it no longer obstructed the path, and someone probably had an easier time due to it. I gained nothing by doing it, nor was it ever implied by any public norm I should do it. Although I guess it could just be an upbringing thing.
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It's essentially for selfish reasons, but that doesn't mean we aren't putting ourselves second or even third. You won't be doing stuff your brain doesn't tell you to do and your motivator is called dopamine. Where that comes from is irrelevant. But when you have a good heart you will tend to want to make the world a better place. And you will live knowing that you did. However, it is possible to have a bad day and still have the enforced neural pathways that got trained because the dopamine has made your brains remember the last time you did that. At the moment you might not even like doing it but you do it anyway. Because it's "the right thing to do" or so your brain says. When you have felt a hardship you may also feel compassion with someone and do not want them to feel what you felt. But the essential reason is the same.
So it's absolutely possible to be selfless, just not for selfless reasons. Doesn't mean we're all selfish assholes. On the contrary. We get happy in groups, so we want the groups to be happy. We do everything for that. If we don't then we tend to not really be there anymore. And we're not required to, but we do. That's the selfless part.
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I was a volunteer EMT for the longest time, and I'd always tell people I did it for my own selfish reasons, kinda tongue in cheek like you here, but at the end of the day it always is. I did it because I liked the feeling of helping people. I liked the feeling of giving my time to my community. It just happens it was good selfish and not bad selfish.
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I do it for "selfish" reasons, but not those. I want the carts in their corrals so they don't damage my car and are in a well-known location when I want/need to use them. So, I do the work needed to make that world, and not just the minimum.
I also have to recognize that not everyone has the ability to return the cart, and so while/when I have that ability, I should return at least a few carts that aren't "mine".
Only seven souls have gotten into heaven. The most recent one was Fred Rogers. The one before that was over 700 years ago. The rule is to get into heaven, you need to be judged better than the previous one let in.
See you in hell.
Sooooooooo.........Dolly Parton has a 50/50 chance.
Fuck life!
At least the people I hate won't get in.
That's a victory on its own.
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Step 1: Want to be good, always see your mistakes.
Step 2: Improve a life long, but be happy of your life.
You can't do better than that. Anything in that direction is good.
Just in general. I don't even know if a god exists. Nor should it change my behavior.
I still don't really understand the obsession by people who spend all their time on the internet with whether the cart return kid had to return their personal cart along with the 200 other carts.
Maybe because in many other countries this just isn't an issue and everyone returns their cart. Even when they don't have a deposit (though most do)
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When losers sucked so much and managed to even get rejected from being a cop, but they still wanna play cop. They wanna feel the power but can't even do the bare minimal 3 week training.
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If the possibilities after death actually were heaven or hell, the bar to get into heaven would have to be pretty low. You're going to torture someone for eternity because someone pirated Game of Thrones a few times? That couldn't possibly be a moral way of running the universe.
Consider this: God is a dick. The bible is full of him acting like a complete asshole.
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I'm sometimes thinking about making a post to 4chan about how not saying slurs is basic human decency in the hopes of it fixing a lot of people, and that it'll end up as a meme the same way the shopping cart post will (I really want some voice actor to read the shopping cart copypasta in the voice of Slavoj Zizek).
What if it's common in my country to put a euro into it and you get it back when you put the cart back? I have never even seen carts left on the parking lot.
We have those in Canada... At least in my province. They also sell special 3d printed coins that are large enough to unlock the cart, but thin enough that it can't trap the "coin" inside. It stays on my keychain. we have one for quarters ($0.25) and one for dollars ($1) different chains require different coin deposits.
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Duck St. Peter: And now, let me show you to your new life in Heaven. *winks*
Green duck: Oh, goody, goody!
DSP: Ah, here we are...
GD: But, but... that's just what I was doing in the flashback!
DSP: That's right. :D
GD: D:
DSP and Satan, later that night, after their shifts are done, sitting around the poker table, drinking their Bloody Marys: Wah-hah-hah-hah, "Christians!"
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"Oh wait. You put a large cart in the small cart section."
Heaven is run by the Cart Narc
Little acts of kindness add up so keep doing them!
That way when they find the body, you can still get into heaven!
(That's a joke obv. Please do not murder.)
oh man if that's all it takes, I'm golden!
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