Lost_My_Mind

Ok, so here's what you do.

Step 1) You take out a sketchpad. You come up with concept art for an outfit/costume you can wear to parties. This costume is not something based on other influences. It's not something that's kind of like something else. It's not something that you'd say "Oh, this would belong on this tv show, or movie". It's completely unique. It stands out. It has a presence all in it's own. You wear it, and it looks good on you, and people remember the outfit. If Spiderman were real, and he just showed up to a party, you'd be like "Whoa, look at THAT guy!". Your costume doesn't need a mask, and in fact would probably be way better without a mask. Just a guy/girl at a party, doing their thing, and completely stealing the show just by being there. That's step 1. Buckle up, because it only gets crazier from here.

Step B) Hire about 10 people to walk everywhere with you. Like an entourage. Have them basically simp you in public. Except the idea is that nobody knows they're paid actors. From the general publics point of view, you're just some guy at a party, and these people love you for some undefined reason.

Step ∆) Now you release T-Shirts of you. And your simps all have the released T-Shirt on. And now you also hire another 10-100 actors. These ones will NOT hang around you as if they're in your circle. These new actors just spread out amongst the party. And they too are also wearing your new T-Shirt. So now there's 10 people all wearing the same shirt, all following you around, and another 10-100 people all single, and drifting about the party, all wearing that shirt. So now it looks like your inner circle love you, but so do the general public. And these shirts can be purchased for $80 each.

Now do this same set of steps every weekend, at every party, and really fuck with peoples perception of what the fuck is going on? All these people bought an $80 T-shirt for some guy? What is happening right now, and also, who IS that guy? You could also adopt a stupid show name, like Princess StinkyPooButt. Even though you're a 6'1 250lb guy with a beard and no legs.

And now the question becomes: "Will idiots buy an $80 T-shirt of absolutely nothing?"

As I look around the world today, I see a lot of idiots. I like my chances that I'm going to sell some stupidly overpriced T-Shirts of bullshit.

Maybe then she'll SHUT UP! Oh my god, is there a single person on this platform who doesn't get these messages every month???

Guys, you all KNOW what I'm talking about, right? Gonna have to go get Tim Misney on this case! And you KNOW what he DOES! eyebrows

It would show one of the Cox internet installation technicians as he has various shots of him doing his job, but also talking to the camera. He's the traditional image of what women want is. He's like 6'5, 320lbs of muscle.

"Here at Cox, we've been installing more homes with Cox high speed internet service, and connecting more people to the web. That means more photos, more videos, more video games, and more connections all across the county! With services like Zoom video conferencing more Cox customers are able to work from home than ever before. Bringing more people together by putting Cox services inside your home, inside your life, and inside of you. With an entire internet to explore, billions of websites, apps, home automation, and so much more. With so many pricing options, won't you let us put our Cox inside you?"

Then it cuts to two other Cox techs out by the van outside, getting a ladder. And the one guy says "Is Tom hard at work in there?" and the other guy replies "He literally might be..."

First time you start the game, grandpa is on his deathbed dictating a letter to you. It's kind of weird we see him talking, but this is supposed to be a letter. Are we the player made to believe that the main character is imagining his grandpa saying this as he reads?

Anyways, the reason you can tell it was made in the 2010s is, one of the first things grandpa says in the letter is:

There will come a day when you feel crushed by the burden of life

And you can tell that was last decade, because I assure you, anyone living on THIS side of 2020 has absolutely passed that day long ago.

Life is agony and it'll never get better. Everyday is just a new low. And you're in 2020 thinking surely thats rock bottom, right? And then 2025 is like:

"Buckle up shitbag, because we're about to take a fucking nosedive."

With all the crap going on in the world right now, comfy cosy games like stardew valley are about all that's keeping me hanging by a strand.....but at least there's a strand.

But seriously, if grandpa could see 2025, he'd be like "holy shit I threaded the needle between 2012, and 2020, and peaced out at just the right time."

Look at a map. Look right above Michigan. See that splotch of land right above Michigan? Yeah....that's ALSO Michigan. It looks like it should be Wisconsin on account of how obvious it is. But no. Michigan is just like "This is also ours because we lost a war to Ohio and so now we need a consolation prize."

Who the fuck did Wisconsin piss off to allow THAT SHIT??? Oh, just because we're not officially a state yet, you're taking our territory away??? The damn paperwork was already being drawn up with maps that CLEARLY included that land....because, obviously!

But noooooooooo! Michigan just had to be like "WAAAAH, WE WANTED OHIOS LAND AND LOST, SO NOW WE WANT THIS OTHER LAND INSTEAD!!!"

And the Wisconsin territory is supposed to just be like "Oh, yeah, cool cool cool."

So I say, fight back! But, raising an army is hard and expensive. Plus, I don't even know if there even stands a current protocol to follow for raising a regional military. Does that even exist anymore? So for the sake of not being accused of inciting violence, for the rest of this message, this war will be a TICKLE WAR!!!!

Yeah! Wisconsin needs to gather all their citizens, and grab their feathers, because it's time to tickle michigan!!! Make em giggle like little bitches!!! And then you get the land back! Then maps can stop looking stupid. There should never be a time that a map salesman should have to say "No, that actually is the official border. Nope, not a mistake."

Why? Just....just why??? I know. I know. Money. Because you can't be a billionaire and not make even more money.

I'm watching spring training games. Guys!!! It's spring training! Wake up!!!

And it's the Royals vs the Guardians. Go Guards! And right now, I really like the Guardians uniforms. There's no way for me to explain the visual that would do it justice. There's a C over the heart on the front. Numbers and name on the back. That doesn't do it justice. It has this feeling of being a continuation of the Cleveland Indians 1980s uniforms, without actually being that. It's a very crisp simple look. I have two issues.

The first, is the hat. It's bright red, and it clashes with the rest of the look. Should have been a blue hat with a red trim.

The second issue I have, is this marathon patch on our sleeve. Just a random advertisement for a gas company. On a baseball uniform. WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY???

And the royals look quite sharp too. They have baby blue jersys with white pants. They contrast the baby blue jersey with dark blue helmets, elbow pads, and gloves. It all looks very organized, and clean.

.......until you see their arm. Bright red patch that says QT. I have no idea what QT is, but this patch stands out. It's legitimately distracting. At least the Marathon patch on the Guardians sleeve matches the color scheme. It doesn't stand out until they do closeups of it. But with the royals, even during pitching windups, when the camera is behind second base, that red patch on the Royals jerseys STILL stands out. You can't read QT from that angle. You just see a random red rectangle.

And since I'm ranting, I'll continue. I also don't like the auto 2nd base runner in extra innings rule. I get it during 2020. During a pandemic, it makes sense. I do NOT understand that rule still being in effect in 2025.

I'm also not a fan of the pitch clock. I don't WANT the game to be over faster. Baseball games are sometimes the only chance I get to see certain old friends. So shorter game time means shorter time to catch up with old friends.

I'm undecided on this robo-ump, but I will say I would be 100% against it if it fully replaced human umpires. I think it's good to use in the same way as a video review. Challenge the call, robo-ump confirms, game goes on. That I'm thinking I'm ok with. But if it was fully automated, that would take an element of baseball away.

And I love baseball. I want it to be the same sport I remember growing up with. Look at hockey. 20+ years ago it was a totally different sport. It was like boxing on ice. Now apparently there's a puck! And a net! and punching is highly frowned upon rather than the main attraction. And baseball has their version of this too. When you used to baserun, you used to do it so much more aggressively, with the intention of colliding with the opposing players to force a fielders choice, rather than a double play. You don't see that much these days either. It's not quite a fist fight, but it was pretty cool.

Ok, so......I was just watching some youtube videos, right? Turns out gorillas are amazing. The gorillas at your zoo remember you. They act different around zoo regulars. They enjoy seeing the regulars, as if they're friends. They can tell the difference between a child actually crying as opposed to a child PRETEND to cry. They get worried when their regulars children are crying for real. It stresses them, because they're behind a glass wall, and can't comfort the child. They put their hand against the glass as if to show they want to be there for the crying child. But if the "crying child" were just faking, the gorillas would sense it was fake, and they'd play and roll around. As if to be part of the fun. So gorillas are really smart who understand the world they're seeing. They have empathy. They see life the way people do.

And dolphins are some of the other smartest creatures on earth. They have sex for the pleasure of it, rather than the mating, and are some of the only creatures on earth known to be smart enough to experience that. So they'll rape you. Make of that what you will.

And then I watched a video of a cat, on an airplane, looking out the window. But the video sucked, because the cat had no concept of what it was looking at when it looked out the window. It was just like "uhhhh.....ok? Some patchy green stuff. Great moving painting. Why are you showing me this?

But I'm thinking, what if we brought a gorilla and a dolphin onto an airplane? I don't even know HOW you get the dolphin to be able to see outside. Maybe it's a custom built airplane with the whole lower half being transparent, and serves as a water tank for the dolphin? I guess?

But the gorilla could just look out the window.

See these are the kinds of science experiments we need to be conducting. Someone contact FOX. I'm sure we could/should film this. Alternatively, hey PBS.....wanna get weird?

You KNOW you gotta see the look on the gorillas face when it realizes "Wait......how the fuck are we this high up??? WHAT is happening right now???"

Even better if you could do that thing where they nosedive and do the zero gravity thing.

Wait......should we bring a gorilla and a dolphin into SPACE??? HEY NASA!!! WHO WANTS TO DO ENOUGH DRUGS TO MAKE THIS IDEA SOUND GOOD ENOUGH TO GREENLIGHT???

Pretty sure Conan just took his show on tour, and his writting team was trying to come up with segments they could film in Germany, and Conan was like GERMAN DOMINATRIX!!!

And his staff was like "....what? We can't do that on...."

"WE'RE DOING GERMAN DOMINATRIX, AND TBS IS PAYING FOR IT!!!"

And so it was.

Like, he pops out of his little hole, and just.....his heart stops.

Do we get 6 more weeks of winter or not? Maybe we get an apocalypse instead?

If you're a terrible petson, maybe don't follow that advice. For example, if you find yourself seig hailing, ever, maybe try being someone better.

So, I'm in the frozen foods isle at the grocery store, and I see chicken marinara, I see ravioli, I see lasagna. And then I see stoffers spaghetti. No meatballs. Nothing else. Just noodles and sauce.

And I'm thinking to myself "Why the fuck would you pay $8 for a little self serving of spaghetti and sauce??? Do you people realize that it's just noodles and sauce? Do you have ANY idea how much money you're overpaying???

And it's not even like it's all that much easier. I'm a TERRIBLE cook. I know like 3 dishes, and they're all dishes you probably expect a teenager to be able to cook. Spaghetti is one of them.

So I'm just looking at this package in the isle screaming in my own head WHY DO YOU EXIST??? YOUR EXISTENCE IMPLIES PEOPLE ARE BUYING YOU!!! WHO IS BUYING FROZEN NOODLES???

It was about this time, I had to admit to myself that I'm developing some serious anger management issues. Part of me wanted to just stand there, next to that door, and act as a bouncer for anyone who wanted to pick that item up. If they did, I was like "I should punch them!" and then my brain intervened and said "No, that's a terrible idea." And I said "But this is a terrible product!" Which made me argue back "Yes, but it's not your fight. You can't just go around punching people. What if an old lady picks it up? Are you going to pick a fist fight with an elderly woman?" and I yelled back, but without rationale. It was the magnetic bracelet incident all over again. Just letting people out there into the world, to make dumbass decisions without me policing their stupid behavior.

But apparently the police don't think I'm a good enough of a judge to go punching stupid people. Somehow I'D be the one in the wrong! Pssh! Can you believe that? ME! The guy telling you that paying $8 for a handful of frozen spaghetti dictates that you get a punch, and that power bracelets are a scam. I'll scam your face right here with my fist right now! How about that?!

Ugh! This is how we end up in the world we're in. Where people are starving, because rich assholes thing they rule the world. And now, nazis are taking over. You see what happens when I don't punch you guys? THIS shit happens. Where we sell spaghetti to poor people at inflated prices with reduced portion sizes. Meanwhile, the media is still too pussyfooted to call these assholes what it is! Nazis in the government, and punches need to be flying. Punch a nazi today I say! But nooooooooo! Can't do that! That's not legal!

What's next? Selling ramen noodles at upscale restaurants with the flavor packet costing $20? It's bad enough baseball games want to think that peanuts are some high priced luxury item! And now all these products, if you pay attention to the packaging, they will list bulk volume weight of what you're getting. It's shrinking.

Look at Luigi. He kills Brian Thompson, and suddenly, this mega corporation that's in charge of healthcare pedals back on their decision to limit how much anesthesia they'll cover in their policy. Not because of any shortage, or any decent reason why they'd have to limit it. They just thought "How can we profit even MORE???" and they thought "Well why waste the anesthesia on these plebs? Let's not pay for that."

Suddenly, Brian Thompson gets shot, and all the sudden they pedal back on that stance. People who would have had to go through surgery in pain suddenly had the anesthesia covered in their policy.

Now I'm not saying to go out and shoot the CEO of Doritos because the bag sizes shrink. Doritos bag sizes aren't as important as affordable healthcare. I get that.

........but what about a good punch to the nose? If this CEO is walking around getting punched, but not killed, everywhere he goes, maybe suddenly those "Party Size" bags could actually be more than a slightly bigger than normal bag was in 2008.

And then there's the spaghetti. Who's at fault here? Is it the soulless corporation who makes no attempt to be a good person? Or is it the enabling public who lack any critical thinking skills whatsoever? And now with AI being shoved down our throat for the express intention to dull the general public's critical thinking skills with each passing generation.

The republicans started this plan to make America dumber starting back with Nixon. And from here on out we as a society have become dumber and dumber and dumber. Now with AI, it's going to get so much worse in 50 years.

That means humanity has reached it's peak. It's all downhill from here. It's been going downhill for decades, and you think it's bad now, and it is, but it's about to take a fucking nosedive.

So yeah. I want to fight. Because I'll be DAMNED if I sit by and let the boomers be remembered as the peak of humanity.