this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2025
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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.

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[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 11 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

What the hell does this do?

Simply relatable.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 7 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

I was a little shit in highschool and when asked a by military recruiter if I was interested in joining up, my autistic ass channeled the raw spite of the Vietnam and Korean war vets I knew and I responded "What ya wanna get fragged? There are far simpler forms of suicide." While I hold that I was well within my rights apparently the socially acceptable response to simply say no.

Also you aren't supposed to threaten to murder folks with wide eyes and a smile, I disagree.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

We used to just tell them we weren't interested in dying for oil profits.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

This was around 2018 so it was a good bit after that spiel would hit hard, mostly cause I'm sure they had a cookie cutter response. Responding like a feral 1970s draft dodger is a lot more likely to work as a mental flash bang and stick.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

That's fair, I was in high school during the Obama years so tail end of Iraq and while they had canned answers the cultural momentum at the time was more or less that recruiters knew not to bother with kids who responded like that.

Your response was great though

Best part is I didn't even have to think it up, I was a ball of sleep deprivation and spite so that response was instinct more or less. But I've always been great with insults and taunts in less than mentally fit conditions, once when I was in a meltdown I told my great great aunt to go fuck herself she asked me if I knew what that meant to which I responded "I don't fucken care go open a dictionary." which was extra amusing since she taught me to check the meaning of words before I used them.

[–] Bosht@lemmy.world 11 points 8 hours ago

Holy hell I haven't laughed like that in months my god, thank you so much

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 14 points 9 hours ago

Taking a break from running a TV camera at an event, I said to another camera operator who was in a wheelchair, "It feels great to get out of there and just walk around!" He considered this for a moment and just replied, "Yeah."

[–] breakingcups@lemmy.world 68 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

Is it me, or are 95% of these not misread social cues but just pronunciation fuckups?

[–] Tlaloc_Temporal@lemmy.ca 4 points 8 hours ago

Feels like low-rated chess, where you can distract your opponent by making a move on the other side of the board. Just by mentioning mispronunciations, people were attracted to them.

Alternatively, many of them might be bots that didn't understand the "prompt".

Yeah, I was debating a different title but I ended up on one based on the original tiktok video

I was thinking the same thing. But they're entertaining!

[–] Hugin@lemmy.world 16 points 12 hours ago

Back when cell phones were uncommon I did the sentence merge thing. When the GF came home I said "Hi mom." Instead of "Hi [GF], your mom called." She and her coworker who had come over for dinner didn't know what to say.

[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 12 hours ago

When I was in middle school I walked straight through the middle of a fight. Even went right between the two dudes who were throwing punches at each other. I was really confused as to why people were bunched up in the hallway until an old teacher who used to be in the military came out and started yelling at the top of his lungs.

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 16 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (2 children)

Half asleep walking to work I said hello back to a guy. Turned out he was talking to someone on the phone with earbuds.

Friend of mine was moritified when I asked a Mormon elder who started talking to us if they still believed in bigamy. She thought I meant sodomy.

Also, one of the commenters here said they worked at a dog hotel? Is that a thing?

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

Dog hotel is a nice name for a kennel

[–] decended_being@midwest.social 7 points 11 hours ago

Dog hotel could either refer to a doggy daycare place or a hotel that allows pets, I'm assuming the former based on what they said.

[–] jbk@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 11 hours ago

these made me die of laughter lmao

[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 27 points 14 hours ago

I was working at a local auto parts store and two of my coworkers were commiserated about how their first month they'd both answer the phones with, "thank you for calling Autozone." Instead of the store name out of reflex. We all had a laugh and I proceeded to immediately answer the next call with "thank you for calling Autozone."

I've never worked at Autozone.

[–] arin@lemmy.world 6 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

Preparing for the Holocaust is 100% relevant in current times...

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 0 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah but I suspect I won't like the person whose preparation is a ton of gasoline.

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)
[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 0 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Because I would suspect it's for incineration of victims not for getting out or running a generator.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 0 points 3 hours ago

Because it's not a situation likely to cause electrical outages and if you've hit the point you're stocking up on gas you've likely hit the point you're moving closer to the border or fleeing. Additionally when I think of fuel used in genocide I think of the harrowing images of burning mass graves.

[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 46 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

A couple decades ago, I got a call from an ex-girlfriend who said she just tested positive for Chlamydia and recommended I get myself tested, just to be safe.

I went to my doctor, who had a bunch of questions about my sexual health before he administered the test. One of the questions he asked was, "do you use condoms?"

Of course, the answer was "yes," but for some reason, my mouth defaulted to the word, "no."

I was about to correct myself, but out of nowhere, the doctor screamed in my face, "Are you STUPID?!" I was so stunned by his sudden outburst, I froze on the spot.

He them proceeded to lecture me on proper sexual safety, half shouting at me. It was too late to fix the mistake; I felt like he'd think I was backpedaling to stay out of trouble at that point. I resigned myself to sitting through a lengthy, angry lecture.

By the way, I tested negative. My doctor was genuinely surprised. I was not.

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 21 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

That is an insane response from the doctor! I mean, is it bad to not use condoms? Yeah! But shout lecturing the patient is like. Not going to make them start using them, it's going to make them lie so they don't have that happen again!

[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 19 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

For the record, this was while I was serving in the US military. I had a military doctor, and we were used to being yelled at when we made mistakes, so his reaction wasn't too surprising to me. What shocked me was that he was so calm and quiet before that moment. I didn't see it coming, and it took me a moment to process why I was suddenly being yelled at.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 8 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

The idea that even the doctor yells at you in the military makes it sound like an unhinged place

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

I mean, it's a career where you sign up to maybe die at 18 by giving up all your autonomy. So... yes.

[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev 43 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

In a Japanese language course, students were assigned native speaker penpals. I had asked some pretty boring questions in the first letter like how old are you, what are your hobbies, etc. The teacher proofread the letters before we sent them. The feedback I got: you really don't need to ask what nationality they are, there's only one country that uses Japanese. I turned beet red on that one.

[–] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

That's just stupid honestly. There are plenty of non-Japanese people living in Japan, who often have children.

[–] teft@piefed.world 6 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Yes but wouldn’t those children’s nationality be Japanese?

[–] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 hours ago

No? I feel like you don't become a nationality until you become a naturalised citizen. Even then you might still answer the country of your birth.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 28 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I was a server at TGIF. New menu item - the Cedar-seared salmon Caesar salad. Try saying that fast.

Anyways, can't remember if I was repeating the order back or what, but I said "cedar-seared Caesar semen salad" and paused for a second, made a face and pretended I didn't say it. Noone said anything and I avoided the table as much as I could.

[–] Dolphinfreetuna@lemmy.world 9 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 8 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Only if you're fighting some Californians and a mailman.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 4 hours ago

Say what you will its the proper Latin pronunciation

However the salad is named after an Italian restauranteur in Mexico. It's unfortunately pronounced similarly to cedar and seizure

[–] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 13 hours ago

Got into an elevator with a woman who told me what button to press. Hesitated so bad I said "sorry I'm blind". She looked mortified, pressed the button, and I had to stare off as if I were rily blind

How would they have pressed the button for themselves?! Elevator buttons have braile!!

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 34 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (3 children)

When my kid was but a newborn, they were having trouble latching. We had to take them in for a very small procedure to get them to be able to feed properly. I could see their mother was having trouble dealing with it, so I tried to say "the doctor says it won't hurt" and "do you want me to hold [the kid]?" Ended up saying "do you want me to hurt them?"

The doctor counseled against that action.

On a separate event, years before that kid was born, I had to take my first dog to the vet and he had to get a shot. He was clearly nervous but the vet tech was holding him, so I rubbed his neck and ear to comfort him throughout. Only just as they were finishing up did I realize I had also, entirely accidentally, been rubbing the vet tech's hand. She didn't say anything until I realized and apologized profusely, but it was still mortifying.

edit: Punctuation.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I've been on the opposite side of that, with a human patient.

Was providing some care that required me to support the patient with one hand while doing some less than comfortable work (impaction removal). The patient's daughter was rubbing his shoulder, only my hand was there, so she was actually rubbing my wrist.

She didn't realize it until I had to shift my position with that hand and warned her I was going to be moving. Like you, she got embarrassed and apologized. I just shrugged and said it was no biggie, I would have said something but I was concentrating and needed the moral support. Which turned it into a mutually humorous thing, so we had a good laugh.

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 1 points 1 minute ago

That sounds like a mutually beneficial thing, then!

My aunt, a nurse, once told me of how manual impaction removals are. I was never quite sure whether to believe her (she liked to go for shock value) but eventually found out she was telling the truth.

That was some twenty years ago. Once or twice since, whilst struggling on my own, I've hoped that the process has improved since then.

[–] Pulptastic@midwest.social 5 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

This happened to our second as well, but sadly the surgery didn’t help.

[–] antler@feddit.online 2 points 5 hours ago

Was this to fix a tongue tie? I'm not sure if it was the surgery or some other factor, but ours started breastfeeding after having the procedure. The post-surgery "exercises" were the worst though - basically massaging a newborn's recently separated skin twice a day was not pleasant for anyone.

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 4 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Unfortunately, it didn't for us, either. We ended up pursuing a few other methods but eventually found one that worked. Now the kid is almost six and a growing, healthy kid who mostly feeds themself.

Hopefully your story with your second had a similarly happy outcome.

[–] Pulptastic@midwest.social 5 points 12 hours ago

It did! He is a healthy happy 10yo. I wondered at the time if the surgery was snake oil, but breastfeeding is important so we had to try.

[–] clockworkrat@slrpnk.net 3 points 11 hours ago

You've just dragged a memory out of my childhood; was up at my teacher's desk handing in classwork and was idly rubbing the table leg while she checked it. Afterwards she gently pointed out that I had been rubbing her toe.

[–] Interstellar_1@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 16 hours ago

In retrospect this is barely a tumblr post, but it's still really funny