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I’ve been curious if a government-run dating app could do better - if its goal is to achieve genuine engagement, not cycles of frustration that boost subscription rates.
This is one of many subjects where capitalist concern ruins the product (and that’s not even something I say as often as others on Lenny)
Honestly, 90% of the need for dating apps would vanish if people had more free time away from work and well-kept public spaces for entertainment that didn't expect you to purchase anything.
So rather than a government-run dating app, how about a government-sanctioned 4 day work week and well kept public parks?
In my 50s and I don't bother anymore. It's just not worth the hassle. In my 30s I would have had to send out 100 messages to get 1 date. It's so much worse in my 50s.
keep going, i heard hospice dates are going up in the last few years /s
If I ended up single again at my age, I don't think I would try again. Not due to difficulty, but just apathy. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I'm my own human now, doing my own stuff.
It would definitely suck to be single again, and I'd mourn what I lost, but there's more to life
Pretty sure Tinder shadow banned me for some reason. I saw the same people constantly.
I'm so glad I've never had to date officially. My first two girlfriends I met at school the latter of which I was in a relationship after school, which was good. My current partner is, strangely, also related to the school I've been to as we've met via a common acquaintance. Getting to know each other happened mostly via texts and then through meetings - unofficial dates, I guess - and the rest is history.
I can't imagine the stress of using these dating platforms constantly. Putting yourself out the over and over again, meeting all kinds of people for a shred of possible companionship. Must be so exhausting. Don't even wanna think about what the experience must be for women* and female-presenting people
sorry ladies, im exclusively looking for love on the Rumble forums
Ha!
As a middle aged man you think its great for us? You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options? If you're on there theres a 80% chance that you're no catch either.
Last time my dude showed me a bunch of profiles it was easily 50% "applications to be a stepdad" and 25% women with a checklist (6 foot tall, good living, own house, etc.) Like 6 foot tall athletic lawyers who own their own home are having trouble meeting women.
You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options?
You'd be surprised..... My wife is in a professional dance company full of single ladies ranging in age from 20s to late 30's. Most of them are on the struggle bus when it comes to finding a decent partner who isn't a lazy bum or a rampant misogynist.
Tbh most of the dudes in long term relationships with the dancers are just regular everyday dudes. Imo the bar is pretty low nowadays considering that like 1/3 of dudes have been brain poisoned by Joe Rogan/Jordan Peterson.
Social media is raising expectations to unrealistic levels. As if Hollywood wasn't bad enough for past generations.
Millennial here. Have recently dabbled with the apps. Honestly the guys I was shown were not objectively bad looking. Many of them were pretty attractive. But not my type at all. My interests were books and video games and nerdy sweetness…and it kept recommending me muscle gym divorced military dads. So I gave up.
Most likely, this is because the nerds who know how to present themselves have already gotten nabbed by some girl. Nerds who are unable to present themselves well are relegated to the bottom of the pile, since nearly all women will swipe left on them. Jacked, divorced military dads are at least jacked, which is something many women find appealing, so they end up higher on the stack.
What kind of nerd stuff? You like Pokemon? 3D printers? D&D?
Yeah at first it is. The algorithm learns about you over time and it gets a little better with regular use. It still has a bit of a blind spot around nerd/geek culture.
I wondered about that too. I certainly didn’t see any profiles to match my interests. I wondered if “my type” just didn’t use the apps at all.
Literally fuck algorithms. Anything that has one is dead to me, if at all possible.
Yes, they literally are fuck algorithms. 🤣
Not a fan of how corporations make them work myself but understanding a little about them can make things like this a little less frustrating.
I would argue that the existence of an algorithm isn't inherently evil, they just ruin things when they're designed to maximize profit.
Is it really in the apps interest to find your perfect partner or just ones that bring you back to the app again and again?
I'm not convinced they're looking out for your best interests.
I don't blame you. The algorithm is gonna force you to look at what people your demographic like despite whatever input you give it. At least it seems this way with how algorithms in general seem to work on social media. The amount of dick pill ads I get is way to high.
Isn't society like that in general?
I still remember when bumble had to change their entire premise and business model because as it turns out women are worse at starting conversations than men lmao.
I wholeheartedly believe that the Internet and smart phones have been the biggest double edge swords in human history. We have the entire globes collected knowledge at our fingertips with the ability to connect with any other person on the planet instantly and it has caused the largest shift in loneliness and depression ever.
Humans simply are not wired for social media and the Internet. Seeing every single person you know posting themselves beautiful and dressed up doing the coolest things 24/7 will make anyone feel ugly and like they aren't doing anything with their lives. It takes real focused effort to remember that people (generally) only post when they are doing something special and what you don't see are the days or weeks between posts that show they live the same boring life you live.
I'm ranting for no reason. I think when we lost in person social gatherings as the primary method of meeting new people is when society kicked that concrete block off the cliff. Right now we are just waiting for the rope to snap taught and drag us all into the abyss.
How do young people meet new people these days? I met my husband while at work. Became official via Facebook status.
Here's the great part; you don't! (I am American and only going outside for vital activities anymore)
Same. And you can't meet women (according to women) at any of those vital places. The general consensus seems to be don't ask them out at the store, the gym, a restaurant, whether they're working there or customers, any hobbies where they just want to be able to live their lifr without being hit on etc. To add, the only things I actually do still leave the house for? Walking on trails where they'd rather run into a bear than a guy on his way to a secluded spot near the creek with a joint and a book, so that seems like a bad way to meet people too now, and where I may have once talked to fellow trail walkers now I just keep to myself there too. I could still go to a bar, but like, I don't want to, and the last few women I met were pretty bad alcoholics whereas I just drink a little bit sometimes. And even if a woman did approach me at one of those vital places or on the trail, I wouldn't act on the hints because I'm absolutely positive they're just being nice and they're not into me, without them directly stating their intent using clear language.
It's great!