this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

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top 50 comments
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[–] RoddyStiggs@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 hour ago

¿Por que no los dos?

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 hours ago
[–] reddit_sux@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

She is like a hermit crab, using only the discarded shells as her cycle progresses.

[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago

Lifes real questions

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 32 points 11 hours ago (2 children)
[–] crunchy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 10 hours ago (2 children)
[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 1 points 12 minutes ago
[–] humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

Havin’ so much fun together. You’re not even aware you’re such a funny pair.

[–] Hasherm0n@lemmy.world 10 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] MasterNerd@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 hours ago

Those claims ain't surviving their adductor muscles being severed

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 86 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (2 children)

Mermaids are the apex predator & rule the seas - none of the critters are friends, just captive slaves that try their best not to piss her off.

And that's why a little murmaider is ok.
\m/




[–] SleepyPie@lemmy.world 63 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Wow you had so many of these ready to go 👀

[–] turtlesareneat@piefed.ca 22 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Seems like, somehow, people have spent a lot of time thinking about Ariel's tits. Perhaps science can tell us one day why.

[–] JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 4 hours ago

Buncha hebephiles apparently, because Ariel is forever 16.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 8 points 11 hours ago

She only wears the dead ones, dyed a bright color.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 190 points 19 hours ago (2 children)
[–] Zkuld@lemmy.world 88 points 19 hours ago (11 children)

Same way we decide which animals to eat and which to pet I guess

[–] Prathas@lemmy.zip 1 points 5 minutes ago* (last edited 3 minutes ago)

Pet/food decisions are mostly based on carnivore/herbivore type. Eating carnivorous animals poisons us over time, among other issues. Video about it: Why Predator Meat is Literally Poison (It's Not What You Think)

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

Just depends on how hungry you are.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 66 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

No no no. I would eat a cow. But I would also pet a cow.

I guess it depends if it's alive or dead.

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 1 points 3 hours ago

They were all alive at some point

[–] X@piefed.world 2 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

Living cow: i pets moo cow

Freshly dead cow: no pets 4 u cow

[–] Asfalttikyntaja@sopuli.xyz 1 points 4 hours ago

A living cow: pet pet -

With my axe!

Then dead cow: yummy looking beef steak.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 45 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Pet the bovine cadaver coward.

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 8 points 17 hours ago

Mmm, beef patty.

[–] applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 14 hours ago

oh hey a cute living cow pat pat

dissociates

oh hey a yummy looking dead cow

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[–] sik0fewl@piefed.ca 2 points 11 hours ago

^ my joke but better

[–] Fedegenerate@fedinsfw.app 52 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Simples, when she out grows her B-shells, she wears her C-shells.

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 9 points 13 hours ago

Bra ones got game

[–] Armok_the_bunny@lemmy.world 60 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Clearly her bra are her closest friends.

[–] obviouspornalt@fedinsfw.app 21 points 17 hours ago

bra friends are the breast friends.

[–] Im_old@lemmy.world 61 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

Well starfish have their mouth in the middle of their body, so...

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 38 points 19 hours ago

How else do you think they stay on?

[–] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 15 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Totally. She picks the best kissers.

[–] Pistachio@lemmy.zip 1 points 9 hours ago

breast kissers

[–] kalpol@lemmy.ca 7 points 18 hours ago

All right boys, party's over

...that's why she uses clam shells.

[–] M137@lemmy.today 10 points 15 hours ago

The person who wrote this is in the very small minority of people (of all genders) who don't think boobs are awesome.
And even then, how is being her bra not being a friend? Bad bras that cause all sorts of issues and discomfort is such a common thing that any bra that doesn't should automatically be seen as a friend.

[–] Archangel1313@lemmy.ca 16 points 17 hours ago

I would imagine that the ones cupping her titties are "more than just friends".

[–] xkbx@startrek.website 26 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

I’m assuming the same way we decide which animals are okay to eat or not - arbitrarily and by culture. For example, maybe some Pacific tribes of mermaids might be fine using starfish, but Atlantis area that would be considered barbaric, perhaps even with a touch of propaganda saying they use starfish for sexual reasons as well. I love where this is going, I’m gonna go write a controversial AO3 fiction about a Pacific mermaid fighting against Atlantic racism, but secretly in a degrading race-play relationship.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 14 points 19 hours ago

This is Indian Oceanic Mertribe erasure!

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 15 points 19 hours ago

Alive: friends. Dead: clothes.

[–] Astronut@lemmy.zip 15 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

Well, obviously her bosom buddies are her friends! They just clam and do their job.

Edit: when you think about it though, do you really want a couple of clams in charge of guarding your titties?

[–] DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth 11 points 19 hours ago

I'm not sure there's a way to do that without being shellfish.

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