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But actually the big thing that helped me was sitting down and assessing why I wanted to correct this stuff. It never gave me any satisfaction, it never lead to anything I liked, and a good deal of it was likely venting trauma from being talked down to all my life. Once I put it together it just kind of stopped happening.
Eventually you learn that its not worth it.
90% of the time, people aren't arguing in good faith. You can only hear another variant of the cosmological argument so many times before you realize that arguing is pointless
This, plus it helps to keep in mind that it's not your responsibility to educate people even if they're objectively wrong. Nor is it your responsibility to change the mind of people with garbage opinions.
When someone is argumentative, they are rarely after an actual conversation, or even a debate. They're after an interaction they can win.
They are not entitled to your engagement.
i usually engage briefly so that others can see there is pushback, because i know most people are lurkers and it is important to me that there are both sides represented. but i learned when they respond in bad faith i can just disengage and either block or move on. i listen to my body's reactions and try to leave when i feel myself getting agitated. it works for me :)
I don't argue with people who are wrong. I point out where they are wrong, and why, for the sake of passers-by who may need more complete information, because most people are lurkers, and most people tend to believe what's typed on the internet without much further question.
Yeah, I tend to reply for lurkers, not to change the OPs mind.
Lurkers who haven't entered a dog in the fight are more likely to be convinced than someone already wound up and swinging. As they read, they are more open, much as I am when I lurk.
This is also why I don't necessarily mind "fake" posts. The original situation in the post might be fake, but the discussion from people responding does tend to have good or interesting responses in varying levels of nuance.
You should stop treating arguments like a game. The point isn't to win - it's to find the truth. Every argument should start from the acknowledgement that you might be wrong, and if so, you wish to not be wrong for a minute longer than necessary. I can't think of a single thing that better demonstrates intellectual honesty than someone actually changing their view when faced with a convincing argument.
However, not all arguments are worth continuing. When your opponent doesn't even engage with what you're saying, or when you're not even open to the possibility that they might have a point, there's no reason to keep going - there's no end to it. So many online "arguments" are just people performing for an audience with no real regard for whether their points are landing or not. They're after applause, not a change of mind.
I can't think of a single thing that better demonstrates intellectual honesty than someone actually changing their view when faced with a convincing argument.
What if this argument is actually weak, and only appears strong because you have no counter-argument? Should you still change your mind? Does the fact that it is persuasive mean it is true?
Well, no - it doesn't always mean they're right. However, why would you hold on to your old view if someone makes an argument against it that you can't counter? At the very least it should give you some pause and make you look more deeply into the reasons why you're clinging to that view in the first place. Even if it doesn't directly disprove your point, it should still show that maybe you don't actually have the level of understanding on the subject that warrants the confidence you have in that particular view and perhaps you just want this to be the truth.
It's okay to have an opinion on something or lean toward A being more likely true than B, while still acknowledging that it's just your current view - not necessarily the absolute truth.
you don't have a problem with stopping the argument. you have a problem with the desire to always be right. you're compensating for a lack of recognition in your skills and intelligence in real life.
accept that you will never get that recognition and you will stop needing to be right.
I know this, because I was this.
next time you see something that someone said is wrong, just high five them and move on.
Ouch that hits hard. I'm going to need some extra info on how to accept this.
for me it was accepting that my experience and opinions don't matter to an individual, but they can make a difference when shared for a solution to a problem that was expressed.
this whole chain is actually a really good example of this process in motion.
I'm not expressing my experience or opinion as the answer, but sharing my perspective instead. I'm not right, but my experience may help others solve their problem on their own.
I usually reply once. I don't argue. I said what I said, bye.
This is the correct way. Reply -> turn off notifications -> forget about it -> live a happy life.
Whenever I see a comment on social media that I think is wrong, I feel the need to correct it.
That's not an argument.
Yes it is. That'll be five pounds.
Yes it is.
I downvote and hide the thread. I used to argue with flerfs on Twitter years ago. Didn't take long before I noticed they believe what they want. Trying to educate is a waste of my limited time.
It's okay with me if people are wrong. I disagree with everyone on at least one thing, I find, if I talk to them for more than a few minutes.
You could try this--offer your correction, and then never look at the thread again. Disengage. You've done all you can do, let it go. Eventually, you WILL get to that point, so get there quickly and on your terms.
It's okay if people are wrong, and a lot of people are.
If you really can't control yourself, then you might benefit from therapy.
I'm not exactly great at it myself... but my dad used to tell me a story from his job.
There was a guy that made some claims, another desperately trying to correct him and tell him he's wrong. To no avail, afterwards, he turned to another person that had a doctorate in the very topic they were arguing about. And said "why didn't you say anything!? You know he is wrong!"
To which the doctor replied "yeah, but it's not my problem that he's an idiot"
There are two rules to happiness.
Rule1: Never say everything you know.
Can't argue with people on social media if you're not on social media.
taps_forehead.jpg
I only post on Lemmy and I don't do a lot of arguing because it leads to beatdowns. Either I get beatdowns from idiots or I get a well-deserved beatdown because I'm the idiot. Get enough beatdowns and you too will tire of it - maybe you are now! Maybe this is a cry for help!
Quite literally, you need to learn self-control, how to pick your fights, manage your emotions.
You really wanna let a bunch of random asshats on the internet live rent free in your head, dictate the emotional course of your day, your evening, your week?
This is where the 'touch grass' meme partially comes from.
Sometimes, you need to let go, walk away, pet a kitty, hug a dog, admire a tree... or more ideally, work on some hobby that you find fun and fulfilling, and is at least potentially 'useful' in some very broad kind of practical way.
Also, a lot of people are beyond wrong/misinformed; they're actively committed to denying that they're wrong, even after its been shown that they are wrong.
You can just block people who are unwilling to admit fault or learn.
Its doesn't need to be your responsibility to personally deal with every dumb idiot asshole on the internet.
Bro dont argue on public social media especially fb. They're idiots. I only stay there for marketplace and like 2 friends.
I wish i could voice my thoughts on fb but I'd get instantly labeled as a terrorist by the Drump regime for daring to go against dear leader and oligarchy.
On public social media they likely think I'm a right wing Drump voter 😄
step 1. understand that people are people
step 2. understand that other people have their own problems are often don't have the time/energy to focus on the topic at hand
step 3. understand that you're not going to help other people by hammering your argument into their head. instead the thing that helps more is to make a better quality of life for everyone, then they will have the time to actually listen to you and find a meaningful result.
A habit isn’t often something you can quit cold turkey. Before replying, start asking yourself “is this worth my time?” More and more, the answer will become NO. Just move on.
For those occasions when you can’t resist replying, keep it lighthearted, friendly, and casual. If the response is angry, overly defensive, or otherwise unpleasant, force yourself to walk away. There can be no “winner” in a toxic situation. Even if the facts are on your side, you don’t need the stress.
I want to add, not just "worth my time", but after writing out the response, one can ask oneself: "Does this add in a meaningful way?". If not, and reformulating/reapproaching is not worth it, then Cancel and leave the thread.
Acknowledge your own limitations. The reason you think in the way that you do is that you were taught to think that way. You have been exposed to thousands of ideas that form the foundation of your belief system, and you can't convey those efficiently over a few social media posts. You can't teach everything to everyone.
Whenever I see a comment on social media that I think is wrong, I feel the need to correct it.
That's not necessarily arguing, unless you're continuing to engage repeatedly. This is really where you stop, if you even choose to engage at all. Have your say, make it count, move along.
If you genuinely care about a subject/topic/opinion, that first reply counts for 99% of your reach/impact. The second time you reply, it counts for 0.99%, the third time you reply, it's like 0.099% ROI and so on.
After that first one, the juice is not worth the squeeze and the young folks are saying these days.
If your social media outlets of favor are anything like Lemmy, most of the people you see with edgy content or making edgy comments, they aren't serious people. They aren't here for serious discussion or open minds, even if it is a serious topic.
It's easy to say, I realize, but you have to learn to let it go. Literally nobody cares. Probably even the person you're "arguing" with doesn't care, other than it gives them sexual pleasure to get attention from a rando online.
Also, don't fall into the fallacy that the one who speaks last wins. If the person you're debating is just serving up leftovers from the overly salty stale dinner with no substance that they prepared last night, it's okay to leave the table. You literally are winning, no matter what, by not eating that same slop that you already know is bad.
Write your comment, but ask yourself right before you hit send: “I’m gonna die one day. Is this what I want to spend time on? Is this what I want to be remembered for?” Eventually you’ll ask yourself that before you finish writing and later still you’ll ask yourself that when you think about writing the comment.
“I’m gonna die one day. Is this what I want to spend time on? Is this what I want to be remembered for?”
If I ask myself this before every comment I'll never hit that reply button.
I value spreading positivity and helping people. If I think a quick comment can do that, it’s worth my time to me.
Assume they don't want to and can't be corrected, because there's a 99% chance that's exactly the case.
Correct them once and move on, last say doesn't mean shit when they're wrong.
and in case you are wrong, acknowledgement goes a long way. be the example, but don't expect it from anyone else.
Disagree with the point not the person. And remember the person you're arguing with is one person while there are a hundred on the sidelines thinking that acting like assholes precludes making good points.
I've been there, my friend. I can't say I never disagree with anyone — I certainly can't say that. But I rarely argue. It is a learnable skill.
That's why I switched from Reddit. There were so many people to argue with, I never stopped! Around here, I still need to correct people occasionally, but it's not constant and usually much more chill.
Honestly, if you mean Facebook then I salute you for having the patience. If I had to correct the moronic comments I see whenever I use that platform I'd explode. It genuinely made me loose faith in democracy as a system. I honestly don't think half of these people should have a vote.
Yeah it can be rough. My strategy is simple; I practice radical acceptance of the fact that 1) I'm always right about everything no matter what and 2) everybody else is wrong and stupid. Also 3) nobody is more knowledgeable than me about any subject, period. Its simply impossible.
I find that this goes a long way towards reducing friction. Hope this helps!
It all depends on your motivation, but what I prefer to do is think about the reader. Imagine there's some post and someone makes a comment and I know that the comment is wrong or misleading. So I might decide to reply. And my comment is there to help readers not be deceived by the previous comment.
Therefore, I don't need to deal with any sub comments and I don't need to keep following that thread. The most important thing was to have a rebuttal to the primary claim that was made and I already wrote that so my work is done. I find this to be an okay use of time, at least some of the time, because a lot of times the commenter that I'm replying to is someone that I just can't reach. They might have some immovable position on a political issue or they could be religious or they could be argumentative or trolling. And I could go back and forth with them several times, but really nobody else would read our thread, so it would be a waste of time.
Of course that's only one approach and it really depends on the types of comments and issues that you're concerned with. But it's one way to reduce stress and save you time.
These arguments can go on for days, even weeks, and if I don’t win the argument, I get overly fixated on it, wondering where I went wrong and so on.
Gotta have a strategy for deciding on a stopping point. A good overall goal for a social media argument is to get people reading to consider things they might not have thought about or been aware of before, so it's probably not going to help if all you have left to say is finding new ways to rephrase the points you've already made, or explaining in detail basic uncontroversial things that your opponent is playing dumb about. It isn't bad to let them have the last word if there is nothing that you really need to clarify or address.
Unfortunately when you get an inbox notification and read some inflammatory things, making that call to walk away is hard because emotionally you get worked up about it. This is why I think "disable inbox replies" is a good feature Reddit has and threadiverse software should implement it, a lot of the time you know in advance that you've already said your piece and whatever someone writes in response to you, it's very likely going to be a mistake to respond again, and it helps a lot to just remove the temptation.
Discuss don't try and "win," what are you winning I'm not turning up with a prize.
I find it helps immensely to not be on social media to begin with.
Ironic
Don't bother. Most people don't care about facts, they just want their existing beliefs to be reinforced. You will not sway them, only waste time. They may even be intentionally posting incorrect information to troll or mislead. Don't give them the time.
