Coffee Hot! *sluuuuurp* : parenting

[–] InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think this sort of thing is the reason my cousin turned out to be a menace to society. When he was a toddler, he was a handful. "NO" had no effect on his behavior at all. But my aunt and uncle realized if they told him something was hot, he'd leave it alone. Leading to several years where everything was hot. Grandma's china cabinet? HOT. Bird house full of babies? HOT. Television remote? HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT.

I think it broke him because eventually he realized it was all lies and then he decided to live his life as the type of person who specifically touches stuff if you tell him its hot.

[–] asmoranomar@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Your cousin sounds HOT.

[–] VoodooAardvark@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 day ago

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 72 points 2 days ago (2 children)

You do need to prime the pump for this to work. They need to taste something that is spicy, that you've warned them was spicy, so then they trust you when you lie to them.

[–] Trex202@lemmy.world 75 points 2 days ago (1 children)

[–] psilotop@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What a great movie. Totally forgot about it until now

[–] prex@aussie.zone 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I am unaware - which movie?

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 day ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kung_Pow!_Enter_the_Fist

[–] psilotop@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jXIL-yQSv30

Kung Pow is hysterical if you like dumb movies. Man edited into an old kung fu movie and all voices rerecorded for a comedy plot.

[–] Dagnet@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Not just something, get a milkshake, drink 80% of it then add pepper to it, now you let him see it and ask for a sip, "no way it's spicy, it's a milkshake!", he drinks it, curses and will forever believe you when you say its spicy no matter what

[–] howrar@lemmy.ca 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Milk nullifies capsaicin though. You'll probably have to use something like ginger. Lots of ginger. It would probably be delicious too now that I think about it.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

That's the real trick: legitimately enjoy stuff the kiddos will hate.

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

My nephew was so disappointed when he looked into my fridge. What, raw vegetables and water aren't good enough for you?

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 day ago

Hahaha yes, even adults complain about the lack of "snacks" when they visit. Like what do you call an apple or carrot. :P

[–] Underwaterbob@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago

Doesn't work anymore. Now my daughter likes spicy food.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 32 points 2 days ago (5 children)

It bothers me how much people lie to children.

[–] Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I couldnt even teach my son avout santa clause because it felt like lying, I dont lie to my kid okay?

however

when youre the parent to toddlers, yes, sometimes mcdonalds is closed randomly in the afternoon, and sometimes snacks they dont need are spicy.

toddlers dont understand reason

now as they ger older this doesnt work, and you have to explain we aint got mcdonalds money and ive dinner planned, or I bought you your own snack and you already ate it, I bought this for me.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I really try not to

If I have my morning caffeine and my 2yo asks for some, I make a point of saying "this has caffeine, which isn't good for people your age" instead of the easier "this is yucky, you don't want it".

[–] Lemming6969@lemmy.world -2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's more or less a lie too. There is not a lot of good research about it, but coffee is generally considered good for people due to the antioxidant capacity. The main concerns for children are sleep and food being affected, which is unlikely with a sip in the morning across an entire day.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

It's usually those sugar-free drink mixes, so no antioxidants here.

He's 2, so he's still taking a midday nap, there's no time of day when caffeine wouldn't throw off his sleep schedule

Also, in our unique position, he has a heart condition, so caffeine might actually be out for his whole life

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 25 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just wait til you hear about politics

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Yes but politicians lying to adults doesnt inhibit their growth in the same way. Your kids need to learn how to handle not having something they want and learning how to handle being told no.

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Very true. Kids need to accept no as an answer and adults need to be able to say that

[–] sockenklaus@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

In general I agree with you, but you're missing a very important point why parents take shortcuts and lie to their kids: exhaustion!

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 2 points 1 day ago

Due to lack of community and wage slavery..

[–] nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Genuine question... A boy wants to drink the oreo shake in parent's hand. He asks for it. The parent says no. The boy asks why. What should parent say? Now, I understand that there could be multiple reasons, like sugar being bad for health and being kind of addictive. But whatever reason they give, would it not be implied on the parent themselves?

Like, how should parent handle this? This is just an example situation, but I would really like to know more.

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Incorporate it as a lesson on boundaries. If something belongs to someone and they don't want to share it, that should be respected.

There doesn't need to be an explanation beyond that. The more a kid is taught about boundaries, the easier it'll become. The kid's boundaries should also be respected when they state them (provided that the relevant situation is safe, of course.)

I'm not a parent, but I work a job where I teach boundaries to kids every day. My students are all on the autism spectrum, with different skill levels for pretty much everything. The kids have to learn not to touch other people. They have to learn that they can't eat another kid's snack. They have to learn that if someone else brings in a toy from home, it's okay if they can't have a turn with it. There are a lot of things we teach, and no two kids have the same programs, but boundaries are taught to everyone. "I need space" is a common phrase to hear.

Alternatively:

Offer the kid something else. Pick two other things they like and offer a choice between them. Say something like, "This drink is Mommy's/Daddy's, but I can give you some Tic Tacs or a piggy-back ride to the car instead." Or whatever the kid likes and you're able to give them. It's not going to be foolproof, but it does help assuage the sense that they're missing out on something that Mommy/Daddy gets to have.

[–] BastingChemina@slrpnk.net 7 points 2 days ago

As a parent, just say the thruth. Sometimes the reason can simply be "it's mine, I would like to drink it on my own and I'm not in a mood to share right now"

Or one of the reason you explained.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm not the relevant authority, but I'll answer your question with another:
How often in life do you have to accept something (a "no", perhaps) for reasons that you don't agree with, or find unsatisfactory?

[–] nutbutter@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 days ago (3 children)

A LOT.

But how would a child understand? Is there no cheat code for this?

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

One shouldn't have to understand something to accept something. I don't understand furries, but I still accept their validity.

Learning that early will make it easier when one's older. I dated a guy who wouldn't accept anything unless he personally understood it, and it made me feel like I had to defend myself whenever I shared an experience that he couldn't comprehend. One time he wanted to wear a costume that was too small on him and highlighted his junk very prominently... when we were going to a Halloween event at a home for abused girls. Apparently the idea that showing off his junk might be inappropriate in that situation was incomprehensible to him, and after fruitless arguing, I did something I never thought I'd have to do - I told my partner what he wasn't allowed to wear. I just put my foot down, said he's not going dressed like that, and he finally relented.

There are a lot of things any given human will never understand. The important lesson is that even if we don't like and don't understand something, that doesn't mean it's wrong or worth disregarding.

[–] calcopiritus@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

If parenting were easy and there were cheat codes, there wouldn't be so many assholes in the world. Since the primary source of assholes is bad parenting.

Convincing someone of something using reason and logic requires that someone to understand how reasoning and logic work. Children have underdeveloped brains, so it's very hard to convince them with reasons and logic every time.

I'm not a parent, so I can't assure you this. But probably each kid needs a different approach, and you probably have to try a lot of different approaches until (hopefully) one of them sticks. That's what I try to do when encountering someone that don't know how to use logic and reason.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 3 points 2 days ago

Same.

I don't think there are any cheatcodes for these kinds of things which is why we all end up having to learn them later in life whether alone or in therapy.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

It's easy to lie to children because they believe adults

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It bothers me too, but it’s (sadly) actually pretty good preparation for the real world. I’ll grant you that I’m a teacher (of adults), but I hear lies all day long. I also hear the truth, and I don’t particularly mind being lied to by a student, but absolutely no way do my classes have internet outages as much as they say they do, for example.

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I've heard this argument before, and it has a point. At the same time, I wouldn't want my kid to think they can't trust me. I certainly stopped trusting adults who blatantly lied to me as a child. Best case scenario, I'd figure they're unreliable and not worth listening to. Worst case scenario, I'd resent them and it would color my behavior towards them. I wasn't always peaceful.

In the end, I think it varies kid-to-kid and by context. I can see the value in lying in order to teach a kid to be skeptical, like by stating something clearly illogical so as to make them question it. I can also see the value in "little white lies" that help protect kids or keep them from age-inappropriate information. I can see some kids adapting well and catching on to what you're trying to teach. I can also see kids that expect honesty, feeling extremely hurt when they realize someone they trust has been dishonest. I can even see it being a traumatizing event.

I'd hope that anyone who makes the decision to lie to kids will keep all that in mind. Unfortunately, I imagine more people using this excuse the same way the uncle who threw you into a pool said they're "teaching you how to swim." It can easily just be a way to do something awful, and I doubt most people have the tact or follow-through to ensure a lesson is actually taught.

Just some food for thought.

[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

The lies that are hurting you in these ways are not the ones about the mystery drink your parent is consuming. They are also not the lies you'd find out about anyway.

Your kids aren't determining their trust in you on the veracity of every minor interaction you have with them, and if you think that's a dubious statement, you are underestimating the vast, VAST number of interactions you are gonna have with a kid just in one day.

By all means, be honest with your kids, but drink your own milkshake and also screw with your kids so they don't end up weird.

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 31 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I usually just share, because my 4yo daughter is a logical little imp and since I'm like 6x her size, I tell her I'll give her a little but I still get most cause I'm bigger and that always works.

My two year old, though, I'll just say no more and let them cry. Gotta learn early, I guess. Lol

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 days ago

I think it's important to teach that if someone's sharing something that's theirs, they get to decide how much they share. So I'm usually pretty firm with "this is mine, but I'll let you have some"

It's a two-edged sword though. My 2yo has called me out on the hypocrisy of the "Dad Tax", so I've had to give it up 😭

[–] captcha_incorrect@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

There is no reasoning with them until ~3 years old, just diverting their attention.

[–] pillowtags@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Not entirely true! My 2 year old is very familiar with the idea of “first this, then that” in regards to things that he wants.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Mine just picked that up! We go for a walk to the park after lunch every day, and he's started saying "park after lunch" when I'm getting his lunch ready XD

[–] captcha_incorrect@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Nice, I should try that. I've had no real success with teaching my 2 year old to wait.

[–] A_norny_mousse@piefed.zip 3 points 2 days ago

I tell her I’ll give her a little but I still get most cause I’m bigger and that always works.

On a 4yo that's basically angelic.

[–] Crazyslinkz@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Back when I used to drink ... its spicy!

Parenting