this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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Parenting
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Genuine question... A boy wants to drink the oreo shake in parent's hand. He asks for it. The parent says no. The boy asks why. What should parent say? Now, I understand that there could be multiple reasons, like sugar being bad for health and being kind of addictive. But whatever reason they give, would it not be implied on the parent themselves?
Like, how should parent handle this? This is just an example situation, but I would really like to know more.
Incorporate it as a lesson on boundaries. If something belongs to someone and they don't want to share it, that should be respected.
There doesn't need to be an explanation beyond that. The more a kid is taught about boundaries, the easier it'll become. The kid's boundaries should also be respected when they state them (provided that the relevant situation is safe, of course.)
I'm not a parent, but I work a job where I teach boundaries to kids every day. My students are all on the autism spectrum, with different skill levels for pretty much everything. The kids have to learn not to touch other people. They have to learn that they can't eat another kid's snack. They have to learn that if someone else brings in a toy from home, it's okay if they can't have a turn with it. There are a lot of things we teach, and no two kids have the same programs, but boundaries are taught to everyone. "I need space" is a common phrase to hear.
Alternatively:
Offer the kid something else. Pick two other things they like and offer a choice between them. Say something like, "This drink is Mommy's/Daddy's, but I can give you some Tic Tacs or a piggy-back ride to the car instead." Or whatever the kid likes and you're able to give them. It's not going to be foolproof, but it does help assuage the sense that they're missing out on something that Mommy/Daddy gets to have.
As a parent, just say the thruth. Sometimes the reason can simply be "it's mine, I would like to drink it on my own and I'm not in a mood to share right now"
Or one of the reason you explained.
I'm not the relevant authority, but I'll answer your question with another:
How often in life do you have to accept something (a "no", perhaps) for reasons that you don't agree with, or find unsatisfactory?
A LOT.
But how would a child understand? Is there no cheat code for this?
One shouldn't have to understand something to accept something. I don't understand furries, but I still accept their validity.
Learning that early will make it easier when one's older. I dated a guy who wouldn't accept anything unless he personally understood it, and it made me feel like I had to defend myself whenever I shared an experience that he couldn't comprehend. One time he wanted to wear a costume that was too small on him and highlighted his junk very prominently... when we were going to a Halloween event at a home for abused girls. Apparently the idea that showing off his junk might be inappropriate in that situation was incomprehensible to him, and after fruitless arguing, I did something I never thought I'd have to do - I told my partner what he wasn't allowed to wear. I just put my foot down, said he's not going dressed like that, and he finally relented.
There are a lot of things any given human will never understand. The important lesson is that even if we don't like and don't understand something, that doesn't mean it's wrong or worth disregarding.
If parenting were easy and there were cheat codes, there wouldn't be so many assholes in the world. Since the primary source of assholes is bad parenting.
Convincing someone of something using reason and logic requires that someone to understand how reasoning and logic work. Children have underdeveloped brains, so it's very hard to convince them with reasons and logic every time.
I'm not a parent, so I can't assure you this. But probably each kid needs a different approach, and you probably have to try a lot of different approaches until (hopefully) one of them sticks. That's what I try to do when encountering someone that don't know how to use logic and reason.
Same.
I don't think there are any cheatcodes for these kinds of things which is why we all end up having to learn them later in life whether alone or in therapy.