this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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It bothers me how much people lie to children.
I couldnt even teach my son avout santa clause because it felt like lying, I dont lie to my kid okay?
however
when youre the parent to toddlers, yes, sometimes mcdonalds is closed randomly in the afternoon, and sometimes snacks they dont need are spicy.
toddlers dont understand reason
now as they ger older this doesnt work, and you have to explain we aint got mcdonalds money and ive dinner planned, or I bought you your own snack and you already ate it, I bought this for me.
I really try not to
If I have my morning caffeine and my 2yo asks for some, I make a point of saying "this has caffeine, which isn't good for people your age" instead of the easier "this is yucky, you don't want it".
That's more or less a lie too. There is not a lot of good research about it, but coffee is generally considered good for people due to the antioxidant capacity. The main concerns for children are sleep and food being affected, which is unlikely with a sip in the morning across an entire day.
It's usually those sugar-free drink mixes, so no antioxidants here.
He's 2, so he's still taking a midday nap, there's no time of day when caffeine wouldn't throw off his sleep schedule
Also, in our unique position, he has a heart condition, so caffeine might actually be out for his whole life
Just wait til you hear about politics
Yes but politicians lying to adults doesnt inhibit their growth in the same way. Your kids need to learn how to handle not having something they want and learning how to handle being told no.
Very true. Kids need to accept no as an answer and adults need to be able to say that
In general I agree with you, but you're missing a very important point why parents take shortcuts and lie to their kids: exhaustion!
Due to lack of community and wage slavery..
Genuine question... A boy wants to drink the oreo shake in parent's hand. He asks for it. The parent says no. The boy asks why. What should parent say? Now, I understand that there could be multiple reasons, like sugar being bad for health and being kind of addictive. But whatever reason they give, would it not be implied on the parent themselves?
Like, how should parent handle this? This is just an example situation, but I would really like to know more.
Incorporate it as a lesson on boundaries. If something belongs to someone and they don't want to share it, that should be respected.
There doesn't need to be an explanation beyond that. The more a kid is taught about boundaries, the easier it'll become. The kid's boundaries should also be respected when they state them (provided that the relevant situation is safe, of course.)
I'm not a parent, but I work a job where I teach boundaries to kids every day. My students are all on the autism spectrum, with different skill levels for pretty much everything. The kids have to learn not to touch other people. They have to learn that they can't eat another kid's snack. They have to learn that if someone else brings in a toy from home, it's okay if they can't have a turn with it. There are a lot of things we teach, and no two kids have the same programs, but boundaries are taught to everyone. "I need space" is a common phrase to hear.
Alternatively:
Offer the kid something else. Pick two other things they like and offer a choice between them. Say something like, "This drink is Mommy's/Daddy's, but I can give you some Tic Tacs or a piggy-back ride to the car instead." Or whatever the kid likes and you're able to give them. It's not going to be foolproof, but it does help assuage the sense that they're missing out on something that Mommy/Daddy gets to have.
As a parent, just say the thruth. Sometimes the reason can simply be "it's mine, I would like to drink it on my own and I'm not in a mood to share right now"
Or one of the reason you explained.
I'm not the relevant authority, but I'll answer your question with another:
How often in life do you have to accept something (a "no", perhaps) for reasons that you don't agree with, or find unsatisfactory?
A LOT.
But how would a child understand? Is there no cheat code for this?
One shouldn't have to understand something to accept something. I don't understand furries, but I still accept their validity.
Learning that early will make it easier when one's older. I dated a guy who wouldn't accept anything unless he personally understood it, and it made me feel like I had to defend myself whenever I shared an experience that he couldn't comprehend. One time he wanted to wear a costume that was too small on him and highlighted his junk very prominently... when we were going to a Halloween event at a home for abused girls. Apparently the idea that showing off his junk might be inappropriate in that situation was incomprehensible to him, and after fruitless arguing, I did something I never thought I'd have to do - I told my partner what he wasn't allowed to wear. I just put my foot down, said he's not going dressed like that, and he finally relented.
There are a lot of things any given human will never understand. The important lesson is that even if we don't like and don't understand something, that doesn't mean it's wrong or worth disregarding.
If parenting were easy and there were cheat codes, there wouldn't be so many assholes in the world. Since the primary source of assholes is bad parenting.
Convincing someone of something using reason and logic requires that someone to understand how reasoning and logic work. Children have underdeveloped brains, so it's very hard to convince them with reasons and logic every time.
I'm not a parent, so I can't assure you this. But probably each kid needs a different approach, and you probably have to try a lot of different approaches until (hopefully) one of them sticks. That's what I try to do when encountering someone that don't know how to use logic and reason.
Same.
I don't think there are any cheatcodes for these kinds of things which is why we all end up having to learn them later in life whether alone or in therapy.
It's easy to lie to children because they believe adults
It bothers me too, but it’s (sadly) actually pretty good preparation for the real world. I’ll grant you that I’m a teacher (of adults), but I hear lies all day long. I also hear the truth, and I don’t particularly mind being lied to by a student, but absolutely no way do my classes have internet outages as much as they say they do, for example.
I've heard this argument before, and it has a point. At the same time, I wouldn't want my kid to think they can't trust me. I certainly stopped trusting adults who blatantly lied to me as a child. Best case scenario, I'd figure they're unreliable and not worth listening to. Worst case scenario, I'd resent them and it would color my behavior towards them. I wasn't always peaceful.
In the end, I think it varies kid-to-kid and by context. I can see the value in lying in order to teach a kid to be skeptical, like by stating something clearly illogical so as to make them question it. I can also see the value in "little white lies" that help protect kids or keep them from age-inappropriate information. I can see some kids adapting well and catching on to what you're trying to teach. I can also see kids that expect honesty, feeling extremely hurt when they realize someone they trust has been dishonest. I can even see it being a traumatizing event.
I'd hope that anyone who makes the decision to lie to kids will keep all that in mind. Unfortunately, I imagine more people using this excuse the same way the uncle who threw you into a pool said they're "teaching you how to swim." It can easily just be a way to do something awful, and I doubt most people have the tact or follow-through to ensure a lesson is actually taught.
Just some food for thought.
The lies that are hurting you in these ways are not the ones about the mystery drink your parent is consuming. They are also not the lies you'd find out about anyway.
Your kids aren't determining their trust in you on the veracity of every minor interaction you have with them, and if you think that's a dubious statement, you are underestimating the vast, VAST number of interactions you are gonna have with a kid just in one day.
By all means, be honest with your kids, but drink your own milkshake and also screw with your kids so they don't end up weird.