Hahaha this is cartoonishly evil, surely it can't be true!
Next you'll tell me Ellison invests in creepy life extension projects and gives an insane amount of money to post-fascist politicians!
this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2026
473 points (98.6% liked)
Programmer Humor
30835 readers
653 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Don't forget the support for genocide.
I think we all know it actually stands for One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison
To be honest, until now I always thought it was because of Oracles.
Wind gusts are crazy today the way jokes are flying over heads
Ah, that answers the question "when did oracle become so evil?"
"Become"?
Yeah, from the beginning
The worst DB in existence, not to defend Oracle, is blockchain.
Blockchain isn't a Database, and the worst one is AS400.
A400 is at least relational.
MongoDB on the other hand...
All data is, or will become, relational.
I am a big SQL fan but not all data has to be relational.
Let’s say I want the GPS coordinates of ten million vehicles every 5 seconds. I have a vehicle id, a timestamp, and coordinates. I do not care if a few writes get lost. Why does this have to be relational?
And perhaps I also record other info that may change from vehicle to vehicle. Perhaps just values that are true if present. DoorOpen, BrakeApplied, LightsOn, LightBarOn, EngineOn, etc. I may only be displaying this data in a UI. I may get different values from every vehicle or even every write. There is no “schema”. I mean, I can have a JSON field or something in my relational table? But this is not exactly relational anymore.
Correct not all data has to be relational but it will always eventually become relational. You will at one point want to pair that vehicle id to a vehicle and then again to something else.
y'all wrong, the worst database in existence is wherever I keep my notes. because every time I write notes I forget where the fuck I wrote them.
Isn't it how all the databases work? Or maybe you should just enable cache for yours.
can't cache my notes because I forgot where I put my notebook
Based on what? It’s top notch for immutability, zero trust, proof of existence, accountability, transparency, uptime, decentralization, network resilience…
What about throughput, latency, schema modeling, query load balancing/routing, confidentiality, regulatory compliance, operational tooling? How easily can I write a CRUD or line of business service using it?
Also blockchain is append only. So no deletions.
Confidentiality, regulatory compliance, schema modeling (IDLs?), query load balancing (rpc infra) and operational tooling pretty good in my world now (Solana). Throughout and latency decent now (400ms conf, couple second finality, 4k tps) but obviously the type of system that needs a trustless immutable database has tradeoffs.
How easily can you write a crud system? No clue that’s on you. A line of business service? Why the hell would that need a trustless immutable ledger. You’re barking up the wrong tree. Low level financial systems are pretty much the only thing that benefits. Small niche for proof of existence perhaps. And maybe other immutable use case things.
Oracle is not the worse DB in existence. They are a worse company than MS, but I'd much rather be talking to Oracle than MSSQL.
(My go-to is PostgreSQL, tho.)
MSSQLMS is goat tho
I am forced to use Oracle at work. It is, in fact, hot garbage.
What makes it garbage? Compared to postgres
Oh, just getting to the interface where I can run SQL is a pain in the ass. It’s hidden behind Oracle’s terrible UI.
"intelligence" <---> incompetence
I dunno about that. The CIA has at least been competent at undermining leftist movements.
Are they? It's a known fact that they do that kind of thing. If they were good, wouldn't their involvement not appear, or would be, at best, a rumor?
We usually only find out years after the fact when the information is declassified. Also, secrecy is only necessary to the extent that it helps reach objectives. Knowing the CIA infiltrates leftist movements undercuts hope and increases distrust between leftists.
Hate to be the Devils advocate here, but Oracle is the only one (as far as i know) which provides a FREE usable server. FOREVER. Via OracleCloud
Until it randomly gets removed without warning
FOREVER*
As far as i know, yes. Forever. Only 1 cloud provider that gives free usable server FOREVER (until they eventually change their policy or something)
Promise free cloud forever. Randomly delete it without recourse once people come to depend on it.
Check: sounds pretty evil.
Mmm saas is not forever nor are loss leaders.
They like to randomly delete them. It happened to me and a friend.
You can start the server again manually right? Because i am about to go for Oracle free forever server ( It is a Analytics server so i dont mind them deleting the entire server sometimes. And me manually starting it back up as soon as they do that. Also we have auto backup I just want a free server
Will it work?
Unfortunately deleted means deleted. Data gone.
My recommendation is to use it as a reverse proxy to expose services but ultimately host from another device.
It's 1 gb of ram anyway (the free 24 gb of ram arm vps' are scarce and hard to get).
Another tip is that they monitor cpu and ram and are more likely to delete it if is idling. There exist programs on github that do nothing but waste cpu in order to try to keep the oracle vps up.
And as usual from Oracle, it isn't worth free. You better have a good backup, because they'll shut that shit off on you without warning.
The name Oracle comes from the codename of a Central Intelligence Agency-funded project Ellison had worked on while formally employed by Ampex.
Nonsense, everyone knows Oracle is an acronym: One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison.
I think MSSQL is worse than MySQL (or at least MariaDB)
The DoD funded a lot of the early development of relational databases, along with internet protocol. Working for the cia was probably the least of ellisons sins. Really bad company, but solid DB.