this post was submitted on 26 Jan 2025

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Do you ever want people to be jealous of you? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 10 months ago by SpaceFox@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

47 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I love the thought of people thinking of me obsessively and wanting to be just like me.

top 47 comments

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[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 25 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Jealous/envious of me? No.

Impressed by me? Yes.

Inspired by me? Double Yes.

Learn a cautionary tale from me? No.

Edit: proofreading better...

[–] milkisklim@lemm.ee 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

frpm me?

Too late, cautionary tale learned. Jk.

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My phone keyboard is bad. Fantastically bad. I suck at proofreading, but shit is it bad.

Anyway, cleaning up my terrible editing. Thanks for highlighting it. 😀

[–] milkisklim@lemm.ee 2 points 10 months ago

Any time! I make typos constantly, so feel free to point mine out in turn.

[–] raptore39@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago

I second this

[–] JPSound@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Here's the thing tho. Nobody thinks about you even 1% of what you think they do. It seems like youre saying, "I need validation and want to be a part of the bigger world outside my own" which is totally fair. It's even healthy, especially when compared to escapism and isolation. If your actions and behavior cause people to have a negative reaction, i.e. jealousy, obsessions, I encourage you to reevaluate what's within yourself that desires that negative attention. People will think of you far far more if your behavior and actions gives those around you positive reactions. Trade the desire to make them jealous for inspiring them by being a healthy, upstanding rolemodel. Trade "I" statements for "you" questions. People crave and are drawn to those who show an interest in them, just as you admit to in this post. Make the world a better place, not a more anxious place and you'll find all that attention you desire becomes a far more reasonably attainable goal.

[–] python@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (2 children)

... do people actually do that? As in, is strong jealousy really a thing?

I'd like to believe that each of us builds their life into the exact thing they need, so swapping places with anyone else would be terribly uncomfortable. So I can't relate as to why anyone would ever be jealous i guess haha

[–] ocean@lemmy.selfhostcat.com 2 points 10 months ago

I also don’t get your other replier. I too like the life I’m building but I would appreciate swapping with not having to worry about money haha

[+] lath@lemmy.world -7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Pardon me, but you sound very privileged here, in the spiritual sense of "stop being poor" or "just don't be depressed" etc.

If that was your intention, you've succeeded admirably.

[–] python@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm both depressed and grew up poor so idk what you're on about

Getting jealous at people who appear to have it better isn't exactly a productive solution to either of those

[–] lath@lemmy.world -4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

An average person doesn't mechanically compartmentalize emotions and puts them aside because they aren't "productive solutions".

It's good for you that you've managed this kind of selfcontrol in order to improve your life. But that's because you've numbed down the things that do you harm.

A person that isn't depressed doesn't have that kind of 'benefit'. Emotions run freely and wild without fear. And cause all kinds of trouble.

Lovers being jealous of outside attention to the point of madness.

Siblings being jealous of biased parental love to end up estranged.

Children in patched up clothes on the streets begging or on the fields working - being jealous of children dressed in brand new school uniforms and going to school together.

Any person in a hospital bed with a terminal illness watching through the window the world living a life they can't have.

And so many other examples...

Productive solutions don't mean shit when it comes to strong emotions and jealousy can be very strong at times. Strong enough to murder even. I mean forget about the world-ending news regurgitation, at the local level where the average person lives, jealousy is high up in ranking as a reason for commiting crimes.

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That's all clear examples of emotional disregulation.

You're not wrong that you can't help what you feel, but everyone has an amount of control and responsibility for how they react to their own feelings, and is ultimately responsible for their own actions regardless of the strength of their emotions.

If you live in an environment where people regularly excuse shitty, violent, or abusive behavior by using their emotions as an excuse for it, please understand that is not healthy behavior.

[–] lath@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You don't seem to understand. There is no country on this planet that doesn't have at least one abnormal living environment within. And the people living in such types of environment don't have the luxury of entertaining your kind of psychological snobbism/elitism.

You talk of ideals, not reality. From the role of an observer, not a participant. Your advice is superficial nonsense from a position of safety and comfort.

I mean, what planet have you been living on until now?

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Oh my god crawl out of your own ass. You don't know me or what I've been through, and your assertion that someone could only say this sort of thing if they never experienced that kind of trauma is asinine and insulting.

This isn't elitism, or any other label you've got up your sleeve to make it easy to dismiss because you don't agree with it.

It's excruciatingly won life experience. I'm not going to apologize for calling what you've described what it is.

Yes, people are not compartmentalized automatons. But it's just as ridiculous to argue that people are complete slaves to their emotions to the point of violence, or that it's OK that they are.

Actual well adjusted adults are, in general, able to control their response to their own emotions. If they aren't able to do that to the extreme degree of the examples you used, that is emotional disregulation. That's literally the term for it.

As I said before, if you find yourself surrounded by people who can't, do whatever you can to keep yourself safe and get out as soon as you can. If it's family, limit your exposure or go no contact.

I know that sucks to hear when you're stuck in the unsafe situation, or when you have to rely on those people financially or otherwise. But for your own safety you need to make an exit plan that you can work towards.

There are plenty of people out there who won't go out beating people or murdering after a bad day, or even after a bad couple of years. You don't have to live in a situation with people who do/would, despite how hard it may be to get out.

For fucks sake, in the past few days I called out someone for making a suggestion to someone living in an unsafe situation that seemed kind on the surface but would put them in more danger. Something I know from personal experience.

I wouldn't be here if I hadn't got out. At best I would have only killed myself.

I ran from a dangerous situation living with my parents, eight hours away to what I thought was a safe new start and a path forward for my life. I had to move back in with my dangerous situation parents because the person I thought I had my new start with was stealing from what was supposed to be my new support network, and they couldn't take the risk that I was part of the thefts. I wasn't. I watched my plans for my life crumble instantly while I had to go back to where I tried to escape. Relationship I built over a quarter of my life, trashed. My safe place, my advocate, had been a liar and a thief from the start and I was too blind to see it.

And before you try to squirm around more with shit like "clearly you haven't interacted with the public in a long time or worked retail" or some shit like that: I worked a total of 8 years between retail and tech support.

[–] lath@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Great speech, really, but why aren't you getting it? It's not about you or me or the commenter i started the chain with. This was their comment:

… do people actually do that? As in, is strong jealousy really a thing?

I’d like to believe that each of us builds their life into the exact thing they need, so swapping places with anyone else would be terribly uncomfortable. So I can’t relate as to why anyone would ever be jealous i guess haha

Are you and all the people up voting that comment really unable to grasp that there are people who actually do that? That strong jealousy really is a thing?

You kept deviating with your own sad stories, hope and self-control and get out from the bad environment.

But this is about them, the people that get left behind, that don't crawl out and escape, that don't get to build their lives into the exact thing they need. So that swapping places with literally anyone else would be fucking awesome to them.

That's why I said you're sitting on a high horse, you can't seem to relate to them.

God job on making it out though. Though they might have moments of jealousy, I'm sure most of the people that couldn't do the same are proud and thankful you can be an example to them. (Not sarcasm, if you're interpreting that way. You only saw those earlier examples and seemed deadset on them being the only kind there is.)

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago

Tag was accurate

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 12 points 10 months ago

You're thinking of envy, not jealousy so much: Envy is when you want something someone else has, jealousy is when you don't want others to have what you have.

I wouldn't want people to be jealous of me, people act very poorly when they are jealous.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@lemm.ee 11 points 10 months ago

Emphatically no. I cut people concerned with jealousy out of my life. That shit's toxic.

[–] blunderworld@lemmy.ca 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

I dont know you, but this sounds like narcissistic personality disorder.

[–] samus12345@lemm.ee 5 points 10 months ago

It's a common symptom of it.

[–] weeeeum@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Look through their post history lol

[–] small44@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

No, that would make me a narcessist

[–] klemptor@startrek.website 9 points 10 months ago

I remember your handle - IIRC you posted before about having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Wanting people to be jealous of you seems apropos.

[–] Michal@programming.dev 8 points 10 months ago

No, i wouldn't like to be a center of attention.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Nah I'd rather they leave me the fuck alone and focus on their own shit. But I have nothing for anyone to be jealous of I don't think.

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 2 points 10 months ago

But I have nothing for anyone to be jealous of I don't think.

The thing about jealousy isn't it ain't about the object, it is all about "muhh feels"

And you would surprised how deranged people can get lol

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago

Nah. I'd rather go unnoticed by everyone outside those I love.

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The older you get, the less you care.

After 30, it is very hard to give a fuck about anything beyond having a fat bank account to care of your dependants.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Idk man, I'm past 30 and I care less that I have money and more that everyone I love has what they need.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm over 30 and see true wealth as a measure of the love I give and receive. You can't buy that.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 months ago

Yes exactly!

[–] guy@piefed.social 6 points 10 months ago

God no. I wouldn't want to be jealous of me

[–] HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com 5 points 10 months ago

nope nope nope. I want to be incredibly anonymous.

[–] LambdaRX@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

Only positive thing in jealousy is: that it would indicate, that I have something to value in my life.

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

No.

No one should want to be me.

If someone wanted to be me I'd feel nothing but pity and shame.

[–] Alice@beehaw.org 3 points 10 months ago

Not really. I find when people are jealous they either try to cut you down in subtle ways, or they self deprecate and guilt trip just because you happen to have something going right for you.

I'd like to be admirable, I think. I'd prefer to rub off on people in a positive way than a negative one.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 3 points 10 months ago

Only people I really dislike. For everyone else, no, I don't need or want their jealousy.

[–] hedgehogging_the_bed@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

I've had people jealous of me. People who tried to steal my spouse or thought they would be so happy living my life.

It didn't make me one bit happier. Sometimes it made me suffer, that they didn't see that things were really difficult for me in ways that were invisible.

That feeling that I thought was wanting a perfect life was really needing anxiety meds I am way happier with well-adjusted meds.

[–] monovergent@lemmy.ml 2 points 10 months ago

No, I don't want to attract thieves and weird fans.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

No, quite honestly I do want to live an enviable life AND would be so happy if everyone else did too. I do not want other people to literally want my life, no. I want them to be too happy with their own lives to care about mine.

[–] lemming934@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 10 months ago

An excellent contrapoints video explores this topic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPhrTOg1RUk

[–] Reil@beehaw.org 2 points 10 months ago

No; jealousy paints a target on your back. I'd rather people wish well for me and feel that my victories are at least indirectly theirs.

Failing that, I'd want others to be unaware of my existence.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Not at all

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml 2 points 10 months ago

Hell no. The green monster can friggin kill you

[–] Suppoze@beehaw.org 1 points 10 months ago

Never thought about it... I'd say no. But I'd like my friends and family to be proud of me (as well as myself)

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 1 points 10 months ago

No. It makes relations with them difficult.

[–] donuts@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

I love the thought of people thinking of me obsessively and wanting to be just like me.

Depends what for. If you're consuming and spending money you don't have to look successful to your peers, I'd say no.

If you mean jealous because of how good of a person you are, maybe.

Either way, I would hate people thinking of me obsessively. I'd rather just be left alone and let me do my thing.