Why are we paying an obviously impaired stroke victim to do absolutely nothing?
Maybe the Republicans are saving him for a Presidential run, but he is a little young for that.
this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2026
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“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” said the Kentucky Senator, presumably lost in thought at the magnitude of the Republicans’ defeat.
Absolutely vicious!
Robot wearing a human skin, FNAF was not supposed to be an instruction manual.
Maybe he will be finally allowed to rot in peace?
did he have a stroke?
More than likely, several. I had a couple myself and am not nearly as vegetative as Turtleboy. I am a turnip, mind you, but still a lot better.
I am a turnip, mind you, but still a lot better.
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no for real can they make his people prove he's... not animatronic? like fuck
You alright there mitch? Give us the thumbs up
He's like some docile zombie. May he be experiencing hell in this state of living death.
I hope he's miserable and in terrible pain. But I know that fucking over the dems would be his dying wish, no matter how morbid it went; hopefully they'll let him die now but seeing how underwater the GOP is in the senate I wouldn't hold my breath.
Unfortunately he probably has this puppetteering requested in his will just to have one last chance at fucking over Democrats. He's that much of a spiteful POS
Thanks, I Hate It
Not sure I see the resemblance…
This gif legit freaks me out. That weird perma-smile is just so uncanny valley, it's creepy af.
I feel like they shape his mouth into a smile before going in public
The uncanny valley of likely a disease detection and avoidance system. In those pictures, he looks like he has significant brain damage. You're supposed to feel some revulsion, to keep you safe.
Yeah, I read at one point that that is exactly the evolutionary purpose of uncanny valley. So you steer clear of people who seem almost human, but not quite right. Since they were generally sick in some fashion, like you said.
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That’s the look of a man living life to the fullest
He probably thinks he's on a rollercoaster
Living?
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I hate to break it to you guys but it looks like he's happily shitting his pants. He'll die soon but someone is cleaning up his mess.
I hope he's lucid enough to know what's going on. It would be a great way for him to go out, knowing his party is in a shambles.
The Onion is just...good at this, aren't they?
This is The Beaverton good sir.
The either has to be italicized or lowercase, and it's such a little thing but it's driving me slightly mad.
Because both The Onion and The Beaverton have 'The' in their titles, the italics is emphasizing the difference between them... Though I don't know if that's correct, and on reread, it does bug me too.
Might make you less mad to read the italics as emphasis. because they're emphasizing just that word because, that's the one word that needed to be changed to correct the mistake.
Hot stock tip: formaldehyde
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