A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
Support Hotlines:
CONGRATS!!! πππππ
If you're looking for more (free!) things to do in the meantime, there's also always voice training. The best resource I'm aware of for that is (unfortunately) a Discord server called Scinguistics. They really ought to migrate elsewhere, I wish they would, but they are realllllyyyyyy good
I immediately started looking stuff up and found this treasure trove. Thank you for the suggestion!!! π©΅
Cis-het dude here, so I hope I'm allowed to comment. All I want to say is I love your positivity. 37 is late in life to find out who you are, but it's better than 40, better than 65, better than 80... Now go out there and live your best life!
Thank you. My age is one of my biggest hurdles when it comes to my mental health, so honestly, this is kind of triggering. But I of course understand what you meant and I'm grateful for the encouragement!!! π©΅
I have always known how I want to behave, talk, look and feel. But I grew up in such a cisnormative context that I internalized the mantra, "something's wrong with me". My mental health issues didn't help either: I had no sense of self worth whatsoever. π
But I am here now. And I believe in my future. π©·
Hey congraties on making moves to move forward!
While it is awesome to have someone or someones to help you with this, a good size group of us navigated this completely alone. Because of having no support, being afraid, or whatever other reason. I figured all this out on my own, even though i have a cis female partner. Shes just half blind my poor girl.
So aint nothing to it but to do it. Youll find theres ALOT of trial and error. For example, im still trying to figure out concealer, i have like 6 different bottles of the stuff, and still cant get it where i want it.
Start small, maybe with nails. Or go perfume shopping. As for the clothes thing, thrift stores are incredible for this. Not only because cheap clothes, but also because if your not publicly girlmode yet then you dont get to try on before you buy. Going thrifting is making sure you can get some cute stuff, but also if it doesnt fit no worries you can just redonate it.
Some tips!
Less is more, with all of it. Makeup nails what have you. Multiple thin layers of polish will look better than 1 or 2 thick layers. Every brand of nail polish and makeup is different. Some eye shadow takes only a tiny bit to show up on your eye, other brands it feels like you need half the tray to make the color show.
The most important thing right now, when your dipping in, is to pay attention!! Find what works and what doesnt. See how your skin reacts to the makeup you just bought and put on. Take care of your skin and hair, find a routine that works for you (my skin routine is: Toner, Eye cream, vitamin c oil, thirst drops, and moisturizer. Hair is not washed everyday, conditioner, leave in OR heat trestment if im straightening. Plus hair masques and damage repair stuff when i dye it.)
Point is, its a lot. Your gonna get stuff that doesnt work for you (i have a whole tote full) dont stress about being perfect, none of us were. Just do little things thatll help you find yourself. Even just a skin routine can do wonders for how you feel.
Also also, it shouldnt really be girly to take care of your skin, but it isπ
And thats why men look like garbage when they get old lmao
I want to note that this instance is pro DIY HRT if you ever feel like the wait is too long. We have a matrix room dedicated to helping people with HRT, and a lemmy community with resources if you want to read about it
Thank you for informing me! I did actually note that there were some links on DIY. I shall see what this years brings. It's still so new to me, the fact, the notion, that I can be the way I actually am. All these years of repression... oi...
Anyway, thanks again! π
HRT already takes years to do its thing. The idea of having to wait several years to even start seems crazy to me.
Where I am the wait through the public system would have been like half a year, and 2-3 months privately for lots of money. Didn't feel like waiting for either...
Awesome, it's great that you're 1. discovering yourself, 2. planning the next steps and also 3. seek community! You have our support β€οΈ
I personally feel a bit uncomfortable framing transgenderness as a medical condition that needs to be diagnosed, though I get it on a technical level.
I'm not sure what to make of your "English please. π". Maybe people can link you stuff that's in another language, if you prefer that.
You'll hopefully have a lot of fun exploring girly things! Don't feel pressured to have to enjoy everything, or to be good at everything right from the start, or to educate yourself for hours before giving things a try.
Regular nail polish shouldn't be to hard to try, but make sure to also get nail polish cleaner/remover. Personally, I noticed my intuition betrayed me, regarding which colors I like. [Note: I honestly don't have much experience with nail polish, so take my advice with caution]
UV polish is slightly more involved. It gets harder & thus more durable than regular. You can try that out without getting a UV lamp if you simply do it on a sunny day and go outside / to an open window. You might need a base and top coast, so look that up if you wanna try UV.
It's a big plus if you can try on stuff without having to commit by buying it, like if you have a friend that let's you try out their nail polish or clothes. Thrift shops / clothing swap events are good to, so you don't spend much money before figuring out what you like.
I'd love to hear/see updates, whenever you're comfortable sharing! π§‘
Finally back on a PC and keyboard π
What got deleted earlier was, although not in its full glory:
"English please. π" was just a really bad joke, trying to imply that makeup, to me, is like a foreign language that I don't understand.
I can't stop smiling just by the thought of trying on nail polish! ππ Maybe I'll check some out tomorrow when I'm also looking for perfumes.
There is a great thrift store where I live with a great selection of clothes that send a great variety of expression and identity! I live in isolation, but there might be one person whom I could ask to lend me, or even hang out with me when I try out, their nail polish. Although I can't stop wondering what she'll say when I ask her not to call me a boy.
I wrote such a long reply and accidentally pressed "cancel". π
I guess I'll just write the most important part for now: thank you so much for your heartwarming response! And thank you for not accepting transgenderness being framed as a medical condition. I easily go along with that jargon because of the hoops I have to jump through to justify myself. I even feel anxious about talking to the physician tomorrow, you know?
Anyhow, thank you for all the great advice!!!π©΅
That's completely valid to feel somewhat anxious about! Luckily, this is no exam, you don't need to score, you just need to somehow get the point across. You can do this πͺ
Nail polish wearer here. First of all, congrats!
My recommendation: buy a base coat. This is a completely clear "polish" that is used for protecting the nail from staining from color polishes. A base coat is great as it's great practice for "the real thing" (i.e. color polishes). Imagine painting a piece of paper with water, that's basically it.
Once you do start with colors, the best advice I can give is to put on a few light coats, not one thick layer. Multiple thin layers will give you a better result.
One more thing: patience and practice. Your first attempt probably won't be great, and that's ok. Keep practicing.
Congratulations! It's awesome that you finally get to live the way you have always been inside.
A general piece of advise: While everything may feel exciting and knew, keep in mind that a transition is a marathon, not a sprint. A lot of things (such as hair removal for example) require patience and while it can never be fast enough, it is better to be mentally prepared. The same goes for HRT, while it's awesome to have it, physical changes can take anywhere from months to years before they become visible.
I do not want to temper your enthusiasm, but advise you to manage your expectations. On the flip side, this also means that you can take your time. You have a chance to try things out before you settle on how you want to look and what feels best. You do not have to have all the answers right away. You can and you should experiment.
Godspeed, friend!
Thank you for your kind words! π I will definitely keep in mind, that awesome phrasing: it's a marathon, not a sprint. It's like you saw right through me. I was in fact in a rush on the inside. π
Seems like you already have a good idea on things you are interested in trying. I am a similar age and started HRT 2 years ago so I was in a similar situation, and I have a few specific recommendations.
When it comes to Hair Removal I bought a cheap at home IPL device. It has removed most of my facial hair, but IPL and Laser Hair Removal do no work on white hairs. I have a few white beard hairs that I am going to have removed with electrolysis.
For nails as others have said you can start with a clear nail polish to practice and to wear. In my experience most men don't really notice a clear coat and women have been supportive. If you are going to do your own nail polish you may want a nourishing nail polish remover since 100% acetone can make your nails soft.
For wigs you can get cheap wigs on aliexpress or similar direct from china stores. The synthetic wigs are cheap and you can modify them without worrying about ruining an expensive wig. The synthetic wigs do not look as good, but you can use them to get a feel for what type of hair style you may want. If you do want to modify or style the wig a good pair of hair cutting scissors will help. I have followed youtube tutorials from brad mondo with some success.
I have some male pattern baldness (androgenic alopecia) using minoxidil (generic rogain) has helped. If you have recent hair loss minoxidil can help.
For makeup I have found the brand E.L.F Cosmetics to be good for makeup that is on the cheaper end. I have used E.L.F products to practice and learn makeup without spending a lot of money.
For clothing as others have said thrift shops can be a good way to try out new styles. A style guide that I often see linked is Triangle Body Shape I have wider shoulders so certain styles don't look the best on me. This guide can give you an idea of styles you might want to try that can be more flattering if you also have wide shoulders.
Hi, congrats!
I find every little bit of self affirmation helps, start small, go at your own pace.
You got this β‘
That is SO beautiful! I shall keep in mind, that all steps matter. π
Congrats! I am in a pretty similar situation. I just started the process to get HRT. In terms of clothing I just bought a few things I liked. The style I always liked on women and now I walk about as a semi alternative pastel sorta pastel goth. Itβs great fun and I love it. One day I might share some pictures. No promises though.
In terms of make up I asked a while ago and pretty much it is self learn via the platform of choice. I also went into a store and checked who of the ladies working there wears make up I love / would want myself. Then I asked her for advice and what to buy. That has helped greatly.
Congratulations! A couple of tips:
Makeup is as difficult as you want to make it. Tutorials on YouTube are a good way to get an idea for what you can do, but the only way to really figure it out is to practice. I'd suggest learning one thing at a time, and if you like how it looks it's not wrong! For me the most effective things are mascara, eyebrows, eyeliner, and foundation, roughly in that order. It took me a ridiculously long time and a lot of different products before I got anywhere with eyeliner, btw.
As for clothes, yes, wear what makes you happy! Be aware if you're buying online that stuff that looks good on the model may not suit you. And your shape will change a lot on HRT, so don't give up hope!
Good luck <3
That's great advice! I first bought all the things, but mostly ended up using only mascara and CC cream (to mask redness after shaving or a minimal stubble). For now, at least. It is enough to make me smile at my reflection. CC cream feels like a cheat, honestly.