this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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I was raised to address strangers and those I wish to show social deference to as "Sir" or "Ma'am". It's a difficult habit to break, as it is deeply engrained.

What is an equivalent gender neutral honorific that is relatively common in English? If I can't break the habit I'd rather have a substitute word to use instead of an awkward pause in the middle of addressing someone

I'd just use Google to ask but I'd rather ask the people directly rather than an AI generated answer based off of Reddit threads

ETA: I suppose if Yessir and Yes'm work, Yesn't could too? Mostly joking… but maybe… 🤔

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[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 1 points 42 minutes ago

I like that in Battlestar Galactica, Sir is the honorific for all military officers. They use madame for the president, but the military calls everyone Sir.

[–] agent_nycto@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

Ok so reading the comments, from Appalachia, and I didn't see it about anyone specific.

So the reason why nothing seems correct is because nothing new will have the same level of cultural history. If you're trying to show social deference to people things like "friend" or "pal" won't work, and "chief" sounds too informal.

You can still use "sir" and "ma'am" under most circumstances, so the question is more about your circumstances.

Are you trying to find something that replaces those honorifics all together, or do you want a backup third option in case someone says they are non binary?

Are you still in the same culture, or have you moved to a culture that doesn't emphasize honorifics like you were raised with?

[–] Aeri@lemmy.world 13 points 7 hours ago

"OI CUNT" 🇦🇺

[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

The scousers (people from Liverpool, England, UK) have a very useful one in their dialect, "Youse" (pronounced Ewes, like the sheep)

And it's gender neutral, but also double as a group pronoun

Youse gonna use that?

(Person, are you going to use that?)

Hey youse, heading out?

(Depends on context, can be singular, can be group, either "Person, are you going to go outside?" or "People, are you going to go outside?")

It's v useful

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Pittsburg is similar. Yens

[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 hours ago

Huh, it's similar to the Glasgow, Scotland, UK gender neutral one, yons

[–] renormalizer@feddit.org 7 points 10 hours ago

Greetings, sentient!

[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 7 hours ago

Buddy, Friend, Majesty, Squire

[–] Stamau123@lemmy.world 29 points 15 hours ago (3 children)
[–] 5too@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

...crap, I'm cis male and I wanna be addressed as "mage"...

[–] agent_nycto@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

You can just do that ya know. Just be a wizard. Tell people to address you as such. Don't even have to be trans you can change your name and everything

[–] foliumcreations@lemmy.world 10 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

I've seen enough posts related to etymology or historical use of words where they, either misrepresent the facts to fit a narrative or just make shit up, that I try to look it up my self. I also find etymology fascinating so that helps.

In this case they are absolutely right.

Both Mr and. Mrs,ms are derived from master and mistress (teachers) and both of those words stem from the Latin word Magister.

Edit: fun fact the English verb stick is the same word as the noun stick and comes from the same origin the Germanic word stik which also meant a piece of wood and to pierce/adhere or sharp. But wait it's older than that the Latin word stigare also means pierce. And share the same ancestry, namely indo-european. Turns out we humans have been talking about sticks for a long time.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 9 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

...why not just "magister" and avoid a word that already has very strong, current connotations with fantasy?

[–] Mesa@programming.dev 2 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

Let's hit "magister" and then work our way down. I swear to god I'd change the shit out of my pronouns to fit mage.

The issue, I guess, is that Mr./Ms. have had centuries to be normalized into common use, whereas "magister" still holds a bit of prestige or honor to it. I'm just spitballin'. I'm definitely going to read more into this when I have some time.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 hours ago

Although it was also my first choice, magister is masculine. Latin is a gendered language (with more than just m/f) and AFAIK magister isn't neutral.

[–] Specter@feddit.org 4 points 11 hours ago

I mean, mages are pretty cool. 🧙‍♂️

[–] SuperPengato@scribe.disroot.org 9 points 12 hours ago

I just call everyone "comrade".

[–] GutterRat42@lemmy.world 9 points 18 hours ago
[–] Fishnoodle@lemmy.world 6 points 17 hours ago

Just say Y'all, it pretty much covers that

[–] RavenFellBlade@startrek.website 7 points 19 hours ago

I prefer "fellow human" spoken in a slightly suspicious manner.

[–] Drunkdos@lemmy.world 52 points 1 day ago
[–] cerebralhawks@lemmy.dbzer0.com 49 points 1 day ago (12 children)

FWIW, Sir is gender neutral in the military — this came up in Star Trek Voyager, anyway. Basically if your senior officer isn’t male, they’re sir until they tell you otherwise.

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 24 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Sir is gender neutral in fictional militaries. Every woman holding a commission I ever encountered was ma'am. Didn't matter the country.

[–] cerebralhawks@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 10 hours ago

Yes, Star Trek is fictional.

[–] bamboo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 1 day ago (1 children)

FWIW, Sir is not gender neutral in Gamestop.

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago (3 children)
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[–] leadore@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago
[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 19 hours ago

RoboCop "citizen"

[–] TotallyNotSpezUpload@startrek.website 43 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

I like referring to all as boss or chief.

[–] ___@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 9 hours ago

Sounds like something a food truck vendor selling spicy shawarmas would say.

[–] Vae_celery@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 10 hours ago

Sounds like something a villain's goon would say.

[–] CptHacke@piefed.social 37 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Having worked in the retail sector for some time, I quickly learned that appearances are often deceiving after a few embarrassing blunders on my part. I taught myself to call everyone 'my friend'. I had no more problems after that.

[–] meejle@piefed.world 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Also if you have to hand someone off to another colleague, I find you can just use "we", and it still feels polite. At least compared to calling them "the customer" (clumsy) or "they" (weird, when they're right next to you). 😃

"So, we're looking for [product], and we need it to be [thing]. Oh, and we have a budget of £25."

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[–] nylo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

I love this question and the discourse it's spawned!

personally I'll use "friend" if I'm at all acquainted with the other person or bend over backwards to not use one if I'm not. not too hard to leave it out if you try, and like anything becomes second nature pretty quick.

that being said I do use "chef" a lot, especially the phrase "heard, chef!" and I haven't worked in a kitchen in almost a decade lol

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[–] Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 11 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

I've asked people to call me 'it'. Hasn't happened yet.

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[–] TheAsianDonKnots@lemmy.zip 29 points 1 day ago (14 children)

I was raised in southern hospitality, so I know exactly what you’re going through.

I just stopped using pronouns altogether.

“Excuse me” “Thank you” “I appreciate you” “Do you know the way to San Jose”

Turns out 99% of interactions don’t depend on what genitals a person’s rocking. I guess if you’re asked to identify a suspect in a crime it might help? Point being, stop focusing on their crotch and what they’re doing with it 😁 you’ve been trained to be weird about it.

[–] CannonFodder@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

'San' is gendered /s

[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 7 hours ago

You is a pronoun btw, just it's only used in specific contexts

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