I wouldn’t be able to work in sales, marketing, or any client-facing corporate role since I find those interactions very draining and dislike having to negotiate or push people into something they aren’t already at least a little bit receptive to, especially if I don’t fully support that thing myself.
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Yeah, same too.
I hate the fuck out of advertising and marketing. There's no way I'd last even an hour, having someone tell me to go out and get people to buy products. Products and services that might not have been very well worth the money, but it has to be someone's job to convince another to buy it anyways. You become the very thing you absolutely loathe.
I have changed jobs a few times because the position I was in transformed into a sales based position.
The best sales people are those who - on a per-interaction basis - spend as little time as possible working over marks.
It’s called fail-fast. You want to determine as fast as possible if the person you have approached is going to be an easy mark or not. You use a variety of openers and follow-up questions to determine whether you should just wish them well and move on, or actually focus on them to see if they’ll bite.
Honestly, the absolute worst salespeople are those who chase after people who will never bite, and take offence at rejection. Because being immediately rejected is the other person doing all your work for you - they are openly telegraphing that you will waste more time on them than any benefit that will come out of them. Which is why a “f**k off” should always be followed by a “thank you”. Take that as gospel, fail them fast, and move onto the next person.
Same, that's why I'm a truck driver
ICE.
Off shore rigs/commercial fishing
I like the ocean but I think I might go insane there
I watched a video about UNDER WATER oil drilling (or something like that, not sure if I got the terminology correct), and like they talk about how workers have to go in a fucking submarine and then they have to live in a tiny living space under water and also they need to spend 8 hours to slowly depressurize before they can resurface...
Nah, fucking caustrophobia is gonna kill me.
I think any purely manual, highly repetitive job would kill me. Like assembly line work.
I worked as a dishwasher in a small restaurant as a teenager. Those 2 4-hour shifts felt like they lasted DAYS.
Having done a few weeks of highly repetitive work, the worst was when I had to bundle items in groups of 10. I couldn't think a thought more complex, that repeating song lyrics to myself. When I got a few hours feeding a machine that counted for itself, it was liberating.
Law enforcement. I was already in law enforcement and I'll never do it again. It felt like I was a babysitter for idiots: breaking up fights, handling drunk people, de-escalating domestic issues, etc. Working on the border is shit, too. I'd never want to be in a situation where I have to deal with migrants at the behest of the government.
Doctor
I hate gore-y stuff eww
But since I'm East Asian in a western country, I remember when I was in K-12 school, I get a lot of "Are you gonna be a Doctor?" comments and I'm just like... 🫠
Probably never gonna be a politician...
I hate to have every embarassing moment in my past get disected by the opposition
Also fuck public speaking, cuz I know someone is gonna clip it and replay any gaffles
Absolutely. I'd go further and say a surgeon. Cutting in to living folk and hoping you do a good enough job to literally keep them alive. That's wild.
Strange that it's not in this thread yet:
ICE
Any governmental position really. It all sounds incredibly unstable with all of the news with federal wages and benefits. Unless you're an actual politician, life as federal worker must be incredibly stressful.
HR. I don't like people, and I don't care about corporate affairs.
Or daycare. I have four on my own, and they're more than enough. Work hours are my hours of relief.
I'm fairly certain HR don't like people either.
Yeah... HR's job is to make sure the company doesn't get sued over worker's rights issues, that's it. It's always said that they're on your side, etc, but they are fundamentally on the side of the company
Stand up comedian.
Hi! Local comedian here! I can help field this.
Every time I do a show, I go in with the intention of being funnier and more interesting than what people are scrolling through. Usually but not always, I succeed. What makes this challenging is that all my shows are in the same venue every single time, on a regular schedule, which means I have regular audience members. I can’t let them down, so I get really prolific really fast. More material than Ricky Gervais, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis CK, and every other goddamn hack under the sun, at the same fucking time (good comics excepted—shoutouts to Randy Feltface, James Acaster, and more). Most of it gets tested in my corporate call center day job, which gets me decent CSAT ratings.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I did comedy as a day job instead of a night job. Would I enjoy telling the exact same show to a lot of different venues? Fuck no. Wouldn’t laugh at my own shit half as much.
Judge. I have no idea how you can punish people all day long and not stay up at night worrying that you made wrong decisions that ruined lives overmuch
It's especially bad when you look at time of day stats and see that, on average, judges push harsher sentencing right before their lunch break.
It's wild that we have a system that ruins people's lives that's affected by how hungry one person is
IIRC the hungry judge effect is considered more of a correlation than a causation. It's been a while since I read about it, but another theory was that case ordering mattered more- it was about the relative comparisons to previous cases in the day. Additionally, some suggested that cases which required more deliberation on sentencing would not be scheduled right before a break so they wouldn't be interrupted.
Bruh I agonized over this on jury duty. It wasn't even a violent crime but dude was still facing jail time. I cannot IMAGINE how stressful a Judge's job must be on the day-to-day.
Deep sea diving repairs.
You have to go into a pressure chamber as soon as humanly possible when you arrive from the deep void of nothingness or else you rupture and die. If anyone needs a union it is those guys. They should be paid 3x the ceo's salary.
Also, sketch YouTube comedians like Smosh, Dropout, etc... I couldn't be "on" doing comedy for 6-8 hours a day recording constantly.
I used to work at a payroll company and our highest workers' comp rates were:
Underwater welders
Seawall builders
Race car drivers
In that order.
A bartender or barista. Just the thought of having to know how to instantly make an untold number of drinks, with infinite variations and customizations, and get it fucking perfect every single time fills me with dread.
If you do a job like that, please know that I consider you a wizard.
I have my own espresso machine and make various drinks for myself as a hobby. That’s actually the easy part of being a barista. The hard part is keeping up with a high pace of orders during rush hour. I would not want to be a barista either, specifically because of the stress of that work.
The other commenter is right about the good coffee though. Making really good espresso from fancy light roasted single origin coffee is extremely difficult.
You absolutely don't have to know a lot, and cheating is what you do when you don't know.
Also, "perfect"? Add more alcohol and 90% of people will be happy. Source: memories from the nineties.
Most baristas are terrible at making good coffee. There are some coffee shops around that make good coffee but they're definitely in the minority.
Since someone already said HR: Middle management. I don't want to be making life changing decisions for other people at the behest of what someone else thinks shareholders want.
Defense jobs
Simple one? Waiter, my uncle has been working on it since he was a 14yo and he's fucked up health wise. I don't want that for me
Any job that involves moving around in four dimensions. I can't imagine that at all.
You already are (4th dimension is time)
Look at this time lord casually flexing on us mortals.
Retail Security. I just don't give a shit to protect monied interests from regular folks trying to save some $$.
Not to mention the boredom of standing around all day.
Any job to do with food. Restaurant, bar, cafe, pizzeria, whatever. I just feel utterly incompetent there.
And it's not just cooking, even being a cashier or delivery guy is impossible for me. I can't put it into words, but I am just incapable of doing it.
My oldest brother went to work for McDonald's, then later for Hardees as a manager. I remember how his room smelled. Like old grease and sadness. He lost feeling in his fingers due to working the grill and was working all the time.
I vowed never to work in food, ever. Now 40 years later, I still haven't. Although for a bit different reason, as I love to cook and have made it a hobby. I would not want to make something I love to do into something I HAVE to do.
Most of them.
"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day." ~Mitch Hedberg
Might I suggest American Truck Simulator / Euro Truck Simulator 2. It doesn't cover snow and ice but does do rain that causes loss of traction and maneuverability at speed, as well as delivery deadlines, drowsiness, traffic citations, road closures and events, basic damage and wear, managing air brakes and fuel, and of course handling the trucks and their different types of trailers (and the cargo of various shapes, sizes) in a ton of situations.
I've put a few hundred hours into the two and if you can play with a friend it becomes a rather relaxed game for just talking and chilling out, but with a goal in mind. Can get chaotic sometimes, making mistakes like missing an exit or running short on time.
And for ATS they are releasing two 'road trip' dlc soon, with 4 vehicles each from Dodge/RAM and Ford, so you can make money with your rig and then race your friends cannonball-style down route 66, or from Washington to Louisiana (current furthest southeast state available for dlc), Montana to Texas, or wherever else.
All the imagined stress, all the silly shenanigans, none of the dread of wiping out an entire family in a minivan as you smash into it.
(I quite like these games, if you can't tell)
E: actually, it does do snow - there's a yearly holiday event that takes you to the 'north pole' for delivering gift boxes and whatnot. But no snow on the traditional map.