this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
518 points (99.1% liked)

Not The Onion

19014 readers
949 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 45 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] chosensilence@pawb.social 132 points 5 months ago (1 children)

we found the main character

[–] Hubi@feddit.org 57 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The main character of a Saints Row game?

[–] tonytins@pawb.social 36 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] cm0002@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Its the fuckin vampire guy from Preacher

[–] Bane_Killgrind@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 5 months ago

Holy shit, this guy is taking Roy off the grid!

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago
[–] athairmor@lemmy.world 99 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I honestly wish most news was these kinds of stories.

[–] tal@lemmy.today 27 points 5 months ago

!floridaman@lemmy.world

[–] Flagstaff@programming.dev 9 points 5 months ago

Well, there need to be more such subjects to write about. Be my guest...

[–] mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 51 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Some people just live life to the fullest.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 43 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It saddens me that they'll probably catch him down the road. Used to be able to get away after this kind of Daring Escape. Just ride off into the sunset. Stupid fucking technology ruins everything.

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

Probably even had a really great one-take scene showing how he got there with a great memorable musical number to take focus for a couple minutes.

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 41 points 5 months ago

They didn't recognize him with his clothes on

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 21 points 5 months ago (2 children)

What did he escape from the most? The penalties for stealing the boat and running around naked, or the bills for the hospital?

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago

The shackles of societal norms

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 months ago

He probably just forged a check for the latter, like in the original movie.

[–] Peter_Arbeitslos@feddit.org 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Nice how all cities over 1 million people share the same spirit. This exact story could have happen in Berlin.

"Man accused of taking stolen boat on naked joyride in Spree River escapes from Charité hospital dressed as a doctor"

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

But it didn't! Let us have this! Americans need something to feel proud of these days. Anything, please God.

[–] HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If nothing else the dude's got balls.

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 28 points 5 months ago

Oh, did you see him on the boat?

[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 16 points 5 months ago

And we'll be watching his career with great interest.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 14 points 5 months ago

I love this headline and photo.

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 5 months ago

Mangione/Blasetti 2028

[–] wakest@piefed.social 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

what a sweetly heartwarming story.

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 months ago

Clickhole material

Not gonna lie, I’m a bit jealous

[–] heyWhatsay@slrpnk.net 8 points 5 months ago

Looking forward to seeing the movie/miniseries based on his adventures

[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Florida man slings jib through the big apple

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

living their best life

[–] Pandantic@midwest.social 6 points 5 months ago

Man someone better not rat out this guy like they did Luigi. I was going to say his name, but no, I don’t want some rando remembering it so he can sell him out to the boat-having class.

[–] Texas_Hangover@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 months ago

This guy is living his best life.

[–] Kintarian@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago
[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

The what‽‽‽

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago
[–] swab148@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 months ago

He got dressed? Sellout, smh

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago
[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Man Takes Stolen Boat on Joyride Dressed As Doctor

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

what are you talking aboat? that's Tony! he was asleep in my basement after a night of boozin. impossible it was him!