this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] Soulcreator@programming.dev 18 points 18 hours ago (17 children)

I'm pretty sure I'm completely missing the point, but how on earth did you find yourself in the situation? Like your dick out and blindfolded in a location that virtually anyone can walk into. All of a sudden with little warning you feel something happening down there but you don't peek or ask what's up, you just sit there silently and long enough for you to realize you're getting the best blowjob of your life.

Honestly the more I describe the scenario the more I realize unless it's a trusted partner, this is not the type of scenario that most women would immediately just start going to town without reason. So if you are strictly looking for a woman, at very least one of sound mind you are probably SOL.

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[–] IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 38 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (2 children)
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[–] Damage@feddit.it 36 points 23 hours ago (7 children)

Of course I'm taking it off.
Knowledge has value. Are you so willing to give up any future chances just to not ruin this one? You may learn more on this art and its scholars!

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[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 26 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Too little to gain and too much to lose in removing it. Just enjoy the experience and leave it at that

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 203 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"When a gift horse is munching on one's carrot, one must be very careful not to look it in the mouth." - Albert Confucius, 1969-04-20

[–] Jackhammer_Joe@lemmy.world 25 points 1 day ago

You got my like for the date. But now: get out!

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 98 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This reminds me of my ex who liked sucking dick so much i swear she sucked out my soul a couple times.

My wife has sadly never gotten close to those levels of sloppy toppy, i would never tell her tho lol i love her too much and she tries :p.

[–] Milk_Sheikh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It’s unbelievably hot when you’re getting blown with enthusiasm though… Slurping away like my dick is the last ice cream cone they had at the store during an August heatwave is sublime, even a mid grade delivery gets upgraded when it’s clearly desired instead of a choice or foreplay obligation.

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[–] Denjin@lemmings.world 65 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I definitely peaked too soon in the receiver of blowjob stakes. First real GF genuinely loved to suck dick, she lived for that shit and I swear I had more and better krgasms during that year than the rest of my life since.

Oh well, better to have loved and lost eh

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 7 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Stop making us all jealous.

[–] Denjin@lemmings.world 6 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Well my wife hates giving head so I'll never have a good one again so swings and roundabouts...

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 6 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

I have been with my gf for 6 years and not once have I gotten any so.... I would take a bad one over none. She does not even seem to enjoy me going down on her sadly. So no oral sex in this relationship.

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

If she's not ace, maybe she should ask her Dr about hormone imbalances.

Women who don't get enough testosterone can have low libido.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

She could be ace. She was on hormonal birth control for like 1.5 years without any real change. Would hormonal imbalance show a different way as well? I don't want to just tell her to go get that checked because she has low libido.

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[–] BigBananaDealer@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

i still havent found what im looking for

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It would be me sucking your dick if you decide to take the blindfold off.

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[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 111 points 1 day ago (6 children)

Speaking from a purely analytical ace/sex-repulsed position:

Removing the blindfold can only at best ruin the prize you’ve already got. You remove the blindfold and find out the best beej in the world comes from Supreme Fellator Donald J. Trump? No ma’am, there is no coming back from that. Leave it on.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 21 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I don't give a shit if it's mother Theresa slobbing my job, as long as I get their number and they're game to do it again.

Call me bb.

[–] Master@sh.itjust.works 4 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)

But what if it turns out to be your actual mother...

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 14 points 18 hours ago

I said what I said.

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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This is the only answer that makes sense. How’re you meant to reconnect with this thing, whatever it might be, if you don’t take off your blindfold? That said, I’d rather not flowers for algernon myself in the first place.

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[–] pulsewidth@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

She'd be a zombie so you should care, as your next trip would be to the pharmacy to get some antiseptic creams.

[–] cheers_queers@lemmy.zip 46 points 1 day ago (1 children)

One has to be a Giver to give great head. I think youre safe.

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think you underestimate the power of spite

[–] xkbx@startrek.website 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh really? And how many dicks have you sucked out of spite? What sort of scenario would that even occur in? Where would one even find such a place!? Like what address!?

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[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.world 32 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I rip the blindfold off right as I ejaculate.

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 61 points 1 day ago (3 children)
[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

Hah! Joke's on you, I low key would...

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[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 77 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This is just a glory hole with extra steps.

[–] Pazuzu@midwest.social 5 points 1 day ago

A glory hole with the guarantee that it's the best head you'll ever get

[–] match@pawb.social 8 points 1 day ago

which is just a cum jar with fewer steps!

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)

as an everyone hot bisexual I wanna see whose genitals I'm tounging next

[–] rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.world 6 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

Even if it's a dog, though? 😂

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[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 41 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'd bet money on the best bj imaginable is given by a femboy. Thus the blindfold comes off. I must see the love of my life.

[–] cadekat@pawb.social 27 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Or one of those fish that clean the side of the tank in Chinese restaurants.

[–] cadekat@pawb.social 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I, uh, hope we're imagining the same kind of bear.

[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago

And I hope we’re imagining the same kind of suckerfish.

[–] RedSnt@feddit.dk 42 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Like Cypher said in The Matrix: "Ignorance is bliss".

[–] kautau@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago

Right before putting that delicious meat in his mouth

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 30 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I will answer this question with another question. "If I don't take the blindfold off and find out who is doing the Lord's work, how do I get this person to do it again?"

[–] yucandu@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I could smell whether they were a man or a woman or a dog or a William Dafoe.

[–] Ganbat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Huh... So, out of curiosity, how does Willem Dafoe smell?

[–] RubberElectrons@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago

Old leather shoes 🤷

[–] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'm taking it off. I need to at least make sure it's a sane human and not a rabid pig that's going to spontaneously bite it off.

[–] lb_o@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Premise that it won't bite it off, otherwise it is not the best bj. Would you do it then?

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

and not a rabid pig

But that's the best part!

[–] ratel@mander.xyz 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Truly the greatest philosophical question ever conceived by man.

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