I was in a simmilar situation a while ago

For a multitude of reasons I left mainstream society as whole and began hanging out with alternative and queer communities exclusively.

Along with other things I noted my dating experience was improving significantly. Not only did I found other neurodivergent folk with whom a social interaction was fun, but I was influenced by what I actually wanted in a partner.

After becoming poly and beginnging my transition, going back to dating in "normie-space" turned out to be impossible.

At this point I think the difference in what I need and what the mainstream can provide is to large. The people who understand me most are the ones whom I share a connection with, either by having simmilar conditions or modes of thinking in general. Those are the people I want to date and who also want to date me, for simmilar reasons.

Maybe not a feasible option for you, but I know others who have a simmilar story like this. Hope you find a fitting solution

how do you meet people for the purpose of dating?

I don't. I work and go home, go to the grocery store or other errands sometimes, and occasionally walk some nearby trails to a spot I can smoke a joint and read a book by a creek. That's it. I can't meet people at the stores because women just want to do their business without being bothered (be they customer or employee), everyone at work is married or dating (half of them to each other, no less), and on the trails they'd rather I was a bear than some random stoner with a used book, so I can't meet them there either. Commonly I'm told I should join a gym or find a hobby like you, by what I can only assume is a guy who found his wife in 1986, but then I'm also told by like actual women (trans inclusive) they don't like it when the 6000th guy hits on them at those places, so idk who to believe but so far I'm believing the women. The bars and apps are conducive to hook ups and flings not lasting relationships, which isn't what I'm looking for, and in addition to the bar's clientelle being on average heavier drinkers that I'm seeking and the apps being spyware and pay to play.

I'll come back to this thread to peruse myself though, hopefully there'll be something more than "get lucky" and "transition and become poly" by the time I come back lol. Already trying the "just be lucky" option and transitioning is a little more than I'm willing to do just to get a date, since I'm not trans lmao.

Do new interesting things in groups.

Met my last girlfriend while volunteering at a festival.

I tried dating sites for a while with much disappointment. I tried joining a few activity groups, but didn't find anyone who really understood me.

I never actually dated anyone, I just claimed my human and moved in with them. We've been married for several years and they're still my best friend.

I can't offer much advice about finding someone because I just got lucky.
I can tell you that stereotypical dating is far less important than finding a friend who makes you feel comfortable and safe, and brings out the best in you.

honestly? I met the love of my life by being lewd in a TF2 lobby, and my boyfriend before him, I met through dungeons and dragons.

When I go outside and see someone cute, I go up to them and say "hey sorry for disturbing you, but I thought you were very cute, would you maybe like to get to know each other?" and then go from there. Most of the time the response is "no", but met some cool people through this.

the advice of “go find a group hangout” feels very antithetical to my entire being. I hate being in large groups where I know no one.

You don't have to go alone, bring a friend. Do you work in an office? Go to a happy hour with your co workers, especially if they're of the opposite sex. Women are the best wingmen for dudes.

there’s usually a reason we can’t even entertain dating

Do they have friends? If you enjoy talking to them maybe they've got single friends?