this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2025
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AuDHD

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I know /how/ to date in itself, but I'm curious how other AuDHDers go about meeting people to date. Ive only been let down and demoralized using mainstream apps, and the advice of "go find a group hangout" feels very antithetical to my entire being. I hate being in large groups where I know no one. I'm pretty jaded by the idea of just waiting for that right person to come along too, when it feels like it has happened, there's usually a reason we can't even entertain dating, such as meeting them after they've just started a new relationship with someone. I feel ready and would really enjoy finding someone that doesn't need all the masks and can love me for who I am, but I feel like I don't know how to go about meeting the right person.

So I'm curious, how do you meet people for the purpose of dating?

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[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

how do you meet people for the purpose of dating?

I don't. I work and go home, go to the grocery store or other errands sometimes, and occasionally walk some nearby trails to a spot I can smoke a joint and read a book by a creek. That's it. I can't meet people at the stores because women just want to do their business without being bothered (be they customer or employee), everyone at work is married or dating (half of them to each other, no less), and on the trails they'd rather I was a bear than some random stoner with a used book, so I can't meet them there either. Commonly I'm told I should join a gym or find a hobby like you, by what I can only assume is a guy who found his wife in 1986, but then I'm also told by like actual women (trans inclusive) they don't like it when the 6000th guy hits on them at those places, so idk who to believe but so far I'm believing the women. The bars and apps are conducive to hook ups and flings not lasting relationships, which isn't what I'm looking for, and in addition to the bar's clientelle being on average heavier drinkers that I'm seeking and the apps being spyware and pay to play.

I'll come back to this thread to peruse myself though, hopefully there'll be something more than "get lucky" and "transition and become poly" by the time I come back lol. Already trying the "just be lucky" option and transitioning is a little more than I'm willing to do just to get a date, since I'm not trans lmao.

[–] tophneal@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, though I imagine those replying mean well, little to no hope/opportunities I hadn't considered have been inspired. I was prepared for that beforehand though, there's no simple solution to this for us ND. I hope when you return to this thread you find an answer that resonates with you and helps find you a loving partner.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 days ago

Thanks, I hope you do too!