AuDHD

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A place for those that got both Autism and ADHD, those confirmed as one and are suspecting they got the other as well, and also everyone who is neither and just genuinely curious.

Since the combo comes with its own set of challenges, this shall be a place to ask for advice, vent, infodump about special interests and/or just vibe and meme.

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How do you date? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 days ago by tophneal@sh.itjust.works to c/autisticandadhd@lemmy.world

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I know /how/ to date in itself, but I'm curious how other AuDHDers go about meeting people to date. Ive only been let down and demoralized using mainstream apps, and the advice of "go find a group hangout" feels very antithetical to my entire being. I hate being in large groups where I know no one. I'm pretty jaded by the idea of just waiting for that right person to come along too, when it feels like it has happened, there's usually a reason we can't even entertain dating, such as meeting them after they've just started a new relationship with someone. I feel ready and would really enjoy finding someone that doesn't need all the masks and can love me for who I am, but I feel like I don't know how to go about meeting the right person.

So I'm curious, how do you meet people for the purpose of dating?

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[–] 18107@aussie.zone 6 points 3 days ago

I tried dating sites for a while with much disappointment. I tried joining a few activity groups, but didn't find anyone who really understood me.

Story time

By chance, I happened to meet someone through a mutual friend. All communication was online and I didn't even know what they looked like. We played a few games together, and I enjoyed their company.

We were both invited to visit our mutual friend, so we met in person there and got along well. They had to drive 700km (450mi) to get home.
I wanted to stay on contact and I realized that I had 2 options. I could do nothing and probably never see them again, or I could offer to share the drive with them and end up in a town I'd never been to with no family or other friends nearby.
Going somewhere new like that was a terrifying concept, but I was even more scared of never seeing them again.

I offered to share the drive, and to my surprise, they said yes. I ended up staying with them for a week to get the best prices on flights home. It was basically a sleepover with my best friend, and it was the best week of my life (so far).

After getting back home, I realized how much happier I had been there. A few weeks later I packed everything into a rental car and moved in permanently.

I never actually dated anyone, I just claimed my human and moved in with them. We've been married for several years and they're still my best friend.

I can't offer much advice about finding someone because I just got lucky.
I can tell you that stereotypical dating is far less important than finding a friend who makes you feel comfortable and safe, and brings out the best in you.