I don't think it was meant to be taken seriously, but these are the types of comments I was hoping for. ;)

Wait is this an African horse or a European one?

What you don't know is that the mass distribution is extremely uneven as there's a lead ball in the back half (for sweetness), and yeasty air bubbles in the front half.

Choosing the other one would be known as "rimming"

If a donut were to have a center of mass, would the center of mass be like this or like this?

Would you mind sharing the source of that quote? I’m curious about the ‘relative position […] sums to zero’—relative to what? Suppose the mass is completely contained in the ‘upper right quadrant’ in 3D space (I’m lacking the language skill to express that accurately). Then I can’t find a definition that wouldn’t cause the sum to be positive.

Not saying you’re wrong - you’re probably right. But as an engineer, I’ve referred to or been asked about “the center of mass” thousands of times and not once have I ever heard “virtual” used. It’s just always the center of mass - wherever that point exists in all of spacetime.

It’s weird. Did something change over the years (like using the Oxford comma or double spacing after a period?). Or is that something that’s always been a thing that I’ve never run across? Strange ;)

sets down donut on table
donut instantly tilts to the side and clips into the table, proceeds to violently vibrate for a second before flying off into space

Every time you eat a donut hole physics is broken until someone eats a donut.

If the hole it's cut, then yes. But there are other ways to make donuts.

Left is correct. The center of mass of a donut is inside the hole, which is “outside the donut”.

This may seem unintuitive, but the center of mass of an object does not have to be inside the object.

This is the mechanism behind these toys:

The wings of the bird and poles of the clown extend below the main body, but are weighted so that’s where most of the weight is. So the center of mass is below the main body, so it will easily balance on the main body. However, your eyes will naturally focus on the main body, which would be unstable without the extra weight hanging off the side, making the balancing look surprising.