Transfem

Yes.

Yes, you absolutely are genuine and valid. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to socially and visibly transition.

I myself am in my 30s and have decided if other people want to have issues with me outwardly transitioning, they're worthless as both friends and humans.

Live your truth as best you can, I say.

I started transitioning at 52 years old. I didn't have any idea what gender dysphoria actually was until I was 51. At 49 I was misgendered over the phone. A woman called me "ma'am" like 5 times. I had no idea why that felt so good.

Eventually I realized that I am a woman and that I've always been a woman and started investigating what I could do about this.

There's no time limit, and transitioning is a choice. For me it was the correct one. I knew there could be negative things in my future but i felt that no matter what, my newly found sense of self love and caring outweighed any consequences or side effects. Chasing the euphoria and self care became the best thing to ever happen in my life.

Sadly the consequences have recently arrived. I lost family over it and I was kicked out of the house a month ago. But I will never look back and say that my transition was a mistake because I calculated those risks. The family members I lost were already bigots and would have never come around. The friend I lost over becoming unhoused was sadly fair weathered.

Transgender people can face difficult challenges negotiating relationships and sometimes we aren't accepted. That can be a very daunting thing to think about before beginning. But for me, I am glad I can see those people for who they really are. People that I can no longer tolerate in my life.

I will tell you what helped me to decide. I literally wrote down lists. 1 list of Reasons to transition. 1 list of things that I remembered from my past to help me see why it might be a good thing. 1 list of challenges I would have to face. Writing everything down over the course of several days was exactly what I needed.

Only you can make this decision. And it is a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. But you can always start HRT and stop if you don't think it's helping. There is no shame in trying it even if it's just for a week or a month.

I wish you the best. Whether you decide to move forward or not is up to you. But even if you don't, just the process of self discovery is so important and I am happy that you are at least willing to explore and learn more about yourself. Whatever you decide, you can keep that momentum going.

Be good to yourself.

I’m not trans, but I’m a parent of a trans kid, and I have to say this post breaks my heart to read. You deserve to be seen and accepted for who you are. I know you’re a grown adult but if you’d let me offer some parental advice I’d say you should find community - I think connecting in person or online with folks who are navigating these same complicated feelings would go a long way towards providing that validation that you 100% deserve.

You are a woman. You have every right to call yourself one.

I wholly confess I am just looking for validation. But don’t lie to me. Am I genuine? Even right now can I call myself a woman?

Dearest, you are who you are, and you said who you were at the start: "I’m trans."

There is no "right way," to be a girlie, and those who try to gatekeep need to meditate on themselves. You are a girl.

Sweetheart of course you are genuine. Whatever you decide to do socially or medically, you are a woman if you feel yourself to be one. You are very welcome here.

Gender is complicated. And not everyone feels or expresses it the same. And yes, you can feel different than you present. For example internally I am agender. I feel no particular connection to either binary gender or anything in between. But I greatly prefer to present feminine, be emotionally close to feminine people, and I had some physical genital dysphoria.

It took me a really long time to figure out all of it because we're told it's all very simple and just dependent on what genitals you had when you were born, or if that was indeterminate, what the doctor and/or your parents decided. And then our entire personality and how we interact with society will just automatically fit that one thing.

Deconstructing gender helped me a lot. Separating what I feel, how I want to present, and what physical things were bothering me. Honestly, I wasn't even too keen on hormone therapy though I knew that was often requires by insurance in order to get bottom surgery even though gate keeping WPATH recommendations even have exceptions for that now. But I actually ended up liking having breasts and the emotional changes in the end. I had a hard time calling myself "trans" as I didn't want to take up someone else's space. But that was silly. Anything outside of extreme binary of your AGAB is under the trans umbrella. And for presentation, I did start wearing makeup and presenting less masculine, but originally used they/them pronouns and just tries to transition away from masculinity rather than towards femininity. It's a difficult line to find though and I ended up really liking being more feminine and chose to switch to she/they pronouns and pursue facial feminization and a few other things. I'm still on waiting lists for those.

As for age, it's definitely not too late. I really started "transitioning" a few years older than you and I'm now almost 50 and just had the bottom surgery a year ago. Of course, health can determine if you can surgically transition later in life, but the non surgical stuff is mostly still possible at any age.

Anyway, my point is, there is no "right way" or even any specific goal that all people under the trans umbrella should always have. Transitioning to an extreme binary is not at all required. Do what is beat for you. You are 100% valid.

Yes, girl, you're a woman

Girl you are clearly trans. Hi.

Get a blåhaj and cuddle it.

Sounds like you've already taken some great steps!

Of course you're genuine being trans, you are you! You don't need to stress yourself about "transitioning IRL" or outing yourself. Nobody forces you. Whatever you read/hear about other trans people is not a checklist for you, but inspiration, a mere suggestion. You should do what feels right for you, when it feels right for you. If outing yourself to coworkers or family doesn't feel right (yet/ever), just don't.

You don't need to push yourself to bravery. At some point, the consequences of outing yourself might simply feel minor compared to the consequences of not doing so. You might say "I've been called a 'he' my whole life without feeling dysphoric, it can stay that way"; but with each dopamine kick of being called a girl also comes that graving when you're not.

If you think you'd like the benefits of HRT, you can start that before/without outing yourself. If people call you out in your grown chest, they might already be more susceptible to accepting you as a woman. Alternatively go "can we not talk about my body".

Maybe we've all misunderstood your question and you meant to ask if presenting yourself as cis is not genuine? Hmm, well strictly speaking, at least to a certain degree: yes. But it's not malicious, and it's socially accepted.

1. you can decide how you want to present yourself, and you can decide how you want to be addressed. You may decide differently in different contexts (this of not exclusive to gender fluidity buy also applies to closeted trans people). It is valid. Women can just be, they don't need to wear dresses and yell out "in a woman" to be genuine.
2. If being honest is putting yourself in danger of discrimination, you are allowed to be dishonest to the extend necessary to protect yourself. Let's invoke what I call trans-privilege (or queer-privilege, or broadly anti-discrimination): Given the circumstances with society, discrimination, law, and the some culture around the act of outing oneself, you are not expected to be immediately transparent about queerness. You are given leeway to do that on your own terms, to decide the if, when and how. You are allowed to keep introducing yourself as cis with whatever pronouns. It is your right to decide on this, it is not malicious. I don't think I've ever noticed anyone anywhere opposing this privilege/right, so take it for granted and don't feel bad about it. Like, I don't think even conservative idiots have a problem with lack of trans outing.

💙🩷🤍🩷💙

I think it's entirely reasonable to seek validation, and you deserve it on top of that. It is incredibly difficult to live our honest, authentic selves in the world, downright dangerous honestly. You don't owe anyone a look into your private life, and it doesn't make you less because you have realistic fears about how badly coming out can go depending on your situation. It makes your story sad, and personally, quite familiar. I struggle with the same feelings often, where I feel like I have something akin to impostor syndrome or maybe feeling that I am "stealing valor" from the real queer people. I'm 45, I'm not very far in either, but at a certain point it becomes inescapable, even if I'm only ever going to do it for me and don't "come out" to anyone I used to know. Who you are inside never changes, and this is who you've been, and it can be a nightmare to be facing all alone. If anything, I would think this is exactly the kind of thing forums like this are here for. Nobody else is supporting us, but we can support each other, and the trans community seems to be brimming with love.

I'm kind of the same, but after buying a bone saw, tarp and drain cleaner, I decided I might need to mellow out a bit with some estrogen.

If you feel valid and genuine in what you do it is. Being trans is nothing binary.

Some of my friends fully transitioned, some don't want to be associate with their birth form, some kept parts of it, for me it is enough most of the time to see myself as non-binary and play games and read books with female main characters.

You are just as valid as me, who's only nod towards that understanding is growing out my hair.

My wife knows, but that is about as far as it will ever get.