IntroSkeptic

I'd imagine its pretty common. How often do we all read internalized transphobia spirals on this community? How often did it start there for many of us... I was once there years ago.

5 years ago, I was straight-up transphobic. Like, literally unexplainably scared of trans people. I grew up in a super conservative town, and while I wasn't conservative, I had never been exposed to trans people and the concept was entirely new. Mind you - that time I wore a dress out and was nearly strangled to death for it didn't do me any favors in asking questions either...

But 5 years ago I met my first trans friend. She had finally gotten away from conservative parents heading into college herself and was starting to socially transition. We argued. My arguments... Calling them transmedicalist would be giving me too much credit, I was straight-up transphobic. But I was as careful as I could be and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and try to learn if maybe this stuff was legit. That night, as anyone following the scientific method would do - I went to acour research trying to prove myself wrong... I didn't want to hurt my friend and wanted to understand. That night, I learned "oh..." - theres plenty of evidence that suggests brain sex can be different from body sex. I was wrong. I apologized the next morning and became an ally. I often ended up leading things in uni, and despite not understanding much I'd always put pronouns in my username to signal a safe space the best I could.

Eventually I get a girlfriend, who herself is trans. With her, I learned more... But she's my ex for a reason and part of that had to do with how cagey she was about everything and anything so admittedly didn't learn much. But in that relationship I did eventually realize there was no way in hell I was a man. I started identifying non-binary, and well... She'd still call me her "boyfriend" and such, further ruining any chance of my questioning myself further. But in helping her with her parents, I figured they may be responsive to the same stuff I was years before and started searching for research. 22 peer-reviewed journals. All backing the existence of trans people, several backing that gender was absolutely not binary.

Eventually we broke up over some seriously traumatic issues, and I spent a long time recovering from that. Somewhere along the line I read a post on a trans community talking about brain sex by a biologist. This gave me even more insight on the whole non-binary stuff, because it elaborated on the research I had already read. Gender markers in the brain tend to lean toward the gender one identifies as - I knew this already (which already gives precedent for other genders given these markers are individual points of data that could hypothetically be plotted multi-dimensionally together - not a line). But what I didnt understand was that not only is that the case, but there are more than 2 ways lots of these markers can trend, implying the markers themselves can be more than a line. Suffice to say, gender is incredibly diverse based on what we know scientifically.

A transmedicalist who claims to follow science and is a bigot or doesn't accept multiple genders... Isn't very scientific in their shit themselves.

As for what people choose to label themselves as - idgaf. You do you. There's very clear evidence supporting your existence scientifically. If you choose to find a label that works for you - well its nobody else's place to figure you out, particularly in a place with so little research but very much has enough to support you - in this way, my modern line of thought aligns very well with lots of the other positive stuff in this thread. I hope for the day everyone can be better understood by everyone <3

And nowawadays I identify as a woman, so well, journey goes on. But that's how I got to "geez, its REALLY stupid to claim transmedicalism. You really gotta ignore what research has been done, which is ironically not all that medical a way of doing things, to come to these opinions..."

Sincerely, A rambling transfem who hopefully got her journey of understanding across without accidentally insulting anyone.

A decentralized chat platform. blahaj.zone has a server too that I believe is linked on the Lemmy homepage.

https://matrix.org/

Girlie, I've been there pretty recently myself. Had a very long time recovering, a PTSD diagnosis... The works... And I can say it gets better. I believed I would never feel love again.

It took me a full year to be able to feel love again at all, and I honestly think I got lucky. Did a lot of reading and soul-searching.

This community helped me quite a bit. I'm sure it'll be there for you too. Hell, if you've got Matrix and would like to chat, I'm always down for more friends.

Take care girl - you'll bewitch someone again yet.

REAAAAAAAAL. Would kill for even some basic advice.

Though, based on what I know so far for those who may not;

• high-waisted pants accentuate waist
• tie-in-the-middle jackets accentuate "hourglass" (sorta)
• perhaps obvious, but always go for the section of clothes opposite your assigned gender at birth... How things "fit" changes
• belts help accentuate figure
• accessorizing helps femininity
• if fit, shaved, and (maybe not necessary???) On HRT, showing more skin helps femininity. Bonus points showing a bra strap or two.

Take my advice with a grain of salt. Trying to let anyone know what I've learned whilst actively struggling with exactly this myself. Albeit my current issues are mostly financial...

Edit: makeup helps too. Mascara is super easy and fast. Thick eyeliner has actually managed to get me gendered correctly to a limited degree.

Girl, your wisdom is an inspiration. Not op, but thank you. You're a truly wonderful human being and exactly the sort I look up to as the best of the best. Thanks for existing girlie <3

Miisha, please don't go! I saw you've deleted your Matrix... please reach out again. You are one of the best friends I've had in a very very long time. If you hadn't reached out to me in the first place through here, I'd still be so lost... hell, I'm gonna be lost without you. This last month has been a time of looking forward to your chats and responses damn near every day... It'll really suck without you... please don't go over a couple crappy days... I still wanna talk games and animanga with you, and learn more from you, and help you where I can as well... you haven't been a burden at all - really, you've been the opposite.

SORRY. No, no sarcasm. Genuinely thankful and feeling stupid as I have paperwork literally telling me it's fine and I read it as it wasn't fine because I didn't read closely enough. THANK YOU A TON

Didn't think of a numbing cream! I'll look into it ASAP, I keep going and the laser technician needs to turn it down every time to get through the full session... thank you so much! I've always felt cursed with black hair that's visible even when shaved, but knowing that in the long run it'll be better for laser at least, I have hope. I had heard about orange concealer, but never the "why" - thank you loads! <3

Thank you so much Azalea, your comment made me realize just how stupid I was about the paperwork full of warnings for during laser... I can use makeup while undergoing it. :D

Thank you so much! <3

Omg thank you so much. Sorry for the late response, I've been having a time and coming back to this post makes me too aware... ;-;

Saving this for later when I have more than a couple dollars in the bank... struggling with food rn. Desperately need to find some kind of income source that doesn't make everything worse so I can keep affording HRT and literally anything to make my situation better... thinking of selling an expensive laptop and replacing it with a 4GB RAM ROC Libre Computer... I mostly use said laptop for a web browser plugged into a TV, so I think it'll work well? Only thing is I lose years of stickerbombing the thing... D:.

VEET sounds amazingly nice, I'm gonna look into that right now. Chemical burns sounds bad though... I have pretty sensitive skin... currently struggling with minor folliculitis all over my legs and shoulders (worst fucking spots for fashion, fml). I plan to laser my body, but rn "wait a few weeks for everything to grow back" sounds like the best - currently shaving my body with razors and it lasts less than a week... and not like I can afford more laser rn anyways. Worried about electrolysis afterwards, because of my current financial struggle too, but that's the plan...

Thank you so much Vibi, you're truly wonderful and amazingly helpful... I only wish I could follow this NOW. ugh... will do ASAP for sure though! Thanks!

Hey Brooke,

I tend to lurk, and not post much... And I definitely haven't been through nearly as much as you have, but that sounds like absolute hell. You're really strong for sticking through all you're going through, and I'm happy (proud the right word?) you're such a wonderful person despite it all - not everyone can stick through and still be around to help others as I regularly see you doing here, and you have inadvertently done for me in doing so. Forgive me, but your ex is a shitbag, and while it sounds like your ex-friend isn't much better, its clear you do still care... And believe me I get the feeling... Its hard to stop caring for those we love even after things end terribly and become a toxic mess. Sending virtual hugs from California your way!🫂🫂

If you want to vent or talk, feel free to message me. If you've got Matrix that makes it easy (would prefer to give that in a DM tho). I'd really like to help however I can girl...

Omg, it'll be a while before I can share in trans_joy unfortunately ;-; - thanks though!

To think there is such a thing as otter love nobody knew they needed is heresy! I love otters, I have half a dozen otter plushies I was gifted annually as a small child - absolute cutest aquatic critters, I swear! Otter love appreciated <3

LMAO

Undertale is definitely my fav from your list lol. I love the Life is Strange games, but I have yet to play beyond LiS 2. I've replayed Before the Storm more times than I can remember. I love Metroid Dread, been meaning to play Prime for years now... my first Metroid was Super Metroid on the SNES Classic and holy crap that game is one of my favorites ever in terms of atmosphere and is something I always refer to as like, the best way to start a story! Can't say much as to the others personally, but I've heard good things about all of them.

You tried Deltarune yet?