this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2026
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I’m trans. I can’t escape this fact any longer.

But I dont think I could ever come out or transition. I know people will say it would be worth it in the end. But I cannot stress enough just how much this would obliterate me socially.

I’m 34 now.

I’ve only done a few things to change my appearance. I shaved my face and I keep it as clean as possible. I also lost a lot of weight, and am really skinny now. I saw a trans woman YouTuber and felt envy over her body, and I wanted to get as close to that as I could.

I also put on clear nail polish, and I practice my “voice” in the car alone.

I call myself “she” on discord, and take the female roles if the server has it. I just express my inner self in a way that feels natural and I seem to pass fairly well on there. I was talking with one woman on there and asked her something about her job being difficult. She said “girl, you have no idea”. “Girl”. That one thing filled me with such happiness I can’t even explain it.

But That’s basically the extent of my “transition” so far, if I can even call it that. I’m sorry if this post read a bit chaotically. I’m tired and just trying to type this out before I sit down for the evening.

I wholly confess I am just looking for validation. But don’t lie to me. Am I genuine? Even right now can I call myself a woman?

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[–] irotsoma@piefed.blahaj.zone 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Gender is complicated. And not everyone feels or expresses it the same. And yes, you can feel different than you present. For example internally I am agender. I feel no particular connection to either binary gender or anything in between. But I greatly prefer to present feminine, be emotionally close to feminine people, and I had some physical genital dysphoria.

It took me a really long time to figure out all of it because we're told it's all very simple and just dependent on what genitals you had when you were born, or if that was indeterminate, what the doctor and/or your parents decided. And then our entire personality and how we interact with society will just automatically fit that one thing.

Deconstructing gender helped me a lot. Separating what I feel, how I want to present, and what physical things were bothering me. Honestly, I wasn't even too keen on hormone therapy though I knew that was often requires by insurance in order to get bottom surgery even though gate keeping WPATH recommendations even have exceptions for that now. But I actually ended up liking having breasts and the emotional changes in the end. I had a hard time calling myself "trans" as I didn't want to take up someone else's space. But that was silly. Anything outside of extreme binary of your AGAB is under the trans umbrella. And for presentation, I did start wearing makeup and presenting less masculine, but originally used they/them pronouns and just tries to transition away from masculinity rather than towards femininity. It's a difficult line to find though and I ended up really liking being more feminine and chose to switch to she/they pronouns and pursue facial feminization and a few other things. I'm still on waiting lists for those.

As for age, it's definitely not too late. I really started "transitioning" a few years older than you and I'm now almost 50 and just had the bottom surgery a year ago. Of course, health can determine if you can surgically transition later in life, but the non surgical stuff is mostly still possible at any age.

Anyway, my point is, there is no "right way" or even any specific goal that all people under the trans umbrella should always have. Transitioning to an extreme binary is not at all required. Do what is beat for you. You are 100% valid.