this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2026
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Programmer Humor

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[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

What's your FUN pirate captain name???

If you're alone most of the day, have lots of valuables in your home and don't own any weapons, reply, "I'm Captain Robin Murderme, Matey!"

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 hours ago

My public key:

[–] Rusty@lemmy.ca 60 points 7 hours ago
[–] tourist@lemmy.world 16 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I normally just skip keygen

it's such a hassle

besides, it means I can connect from anywhere

no one checks the ssh port on prod anyway

[–] Aqivex@fedinsfw.app 6 points 5 hours ago

Are you my former boss?

[–] glibg10b@lemmy.zip 57 points 11 hours ago (5 children)
-----BEGIN OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----
b3BlbnNzaC1rZXktdjEAAAAABG5vbmUAAAAEbm9uZQAAAAAAAAABAAAAMwAAAAtzc2gtZW
QyNTUxOQAAACC6BPuFW94rFl033+m7MHTouxkIdEXsilx+sI6Z6Iul7AAAAJAHHAUZBxwF
GQAAAAtzc2gtZWQyNTUxOQAAACC6BPuFW94rFl033+m7MHTouxkIdEXsilx+sI6Z6Iul7A
AAAEAHVmMS+9A6uhD6r6iUAxubrNuS2lx4CPayJ2B4hL8HNroE+4Vb3isWXTff6bswdOi7
GQh0ReyKXH6wjpnoi6XsAAAACHdhbGRvQGhlAQIDBAU=
-----END OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----

***
PUBLIC KEY BELOW
***
ssh-ed25519 AAAAC3NzaC1lZDI1NTE5AAAAILoE+4Vb3isWXTff6bswdOi7GQh0ReyKXH6wjpnoi6Xs
[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 9 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

One developer in the whole channel who actually read the requirements smh.

[–] kzzzl@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

let's push some files to your github

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 25 points 9 hours ago

Bit of a mouthful to say, but I'll go with it.

[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 56 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

What a coincidence! That's my cat's name.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 17 points 10 hours ago

I just call her whspsps instead

[–] Newsteinleo@infosec.pub 11 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure this name is to long form my vets office database.

[–] Cyber@feddit.uk 3 points 5 hours ago

Maybe just shorten to b3B'); drop table animals; ?

https://xkcd.com/327/

[–] shiftymccool@piefed.ca 29 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

Should be private ssh key and public ip address. public key can be derived if necessary and it does you no good to have a key to an unknown door

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[–] runner_g@piefed.blahaj.zone 4 points 7 hours ago

I like to update mine based on the season. Right now it's Freddy: JSON

[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 231 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (3 children)
-----BEGIN OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----  
WhattheAAAAdidyoujustAAAAAAAsayaboutmeyoulittlebitch+IllhaveyouknowIg  
raduatedtopofmyclassintheNavySealsandIvebeeninvolvedinnumeroussecretr  
aidsonAl+QuaedaandIhaveover300confirmedkillsIamtrainedingorillawarfar  
eandImthetopsniperintheentireUSarmedforcesYouarenothingtomebutjustano  
thertargetIwillwipeyoutheAAAAoutwithprecisionthelikesofwhichhasneverb  
eenseenbeforeonthisEarthmarkmyAAAAAAAwordsYouthinkyoucangetawaywithsa  
yingthatshittomeovertheInternet+ThinkagainAAAAAAAswespeakIamcontactin  
gmysecretnetworkofspiesacrosstheUSAandyourIPisbeingtracedrightnowsoyo  
ubetterprepareforthestormmaggotThestormthatwipesoutthepatheticlittlet  
hingyoucallyourlifeYoureAAAAAAAdeadkidIcanbeanywhereanytimeandIcankil  
lyouinoversevenhundredwaysandthatsjustwithmybarehandsNotonlyamIextens  
ivelytrainedinunarmedcombatbutIhaveaccesstotheentirearsenaloftheUnite  
dStatesAAAAAACorpsandIwilluseittoitsfullextenttowipeyourmiserableasso  
ffthefaceofthecontinentyoulittleshitIfonlyyoucouldhaveknownwhatunholy  
retributionyourlittle/clever/commentwasabouttobringdownuponyoumaybeyo  
uwouldhaveheldyourAAAAAAAtongueButyoucouldntyoudidntandnowyourepaying  
thepriceyougoddamnidiotIwillshitfuryalloveryouandyouwilldrowninitYour  
eAAAAAAAdeadkiddo==  
-----END OPENSSH PRIVATE KEY-----  

EDIT: almost forgot to sign it!

Love,
/u/queerlilhayseed

[–] Redjard@reddthat.com 2 points 6 hours ago

Shortest RSA key.

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 81 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

hehe you have the word ass in your private key, what are the odds

[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 106 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I insert swears into all my ssh keys so they get censored out by profanity filters. Good luck hacking me now, squares 😎🏍️🛹

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 27 points 10 hours ago

You should put in some Disney lyrics so they issue a takedown request if it leaks.

[–] terranoid@lemmy.cafe 16 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

The == had me wondering for too long

[–] queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zone 35 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

Haha I started trying to format the text so that it was technically a valid ed25519 key, then it became too much work for a silly joke so I settled for filtering/replacing all the invalid chars and slapping the == padding at the end. Needs more AAAAAA strings to really sell it, I think, but I'm glad it turned out well enough to merit a second glance lol.

Edit: I swapped all instances of fuck|fucker|fucking with As, I think it's an improvement.

[–] Magnum@infosec.pub 15 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

It is very good - I will steal it.

Someone help I'm being hacked!

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 16 points 11 hours ago

Now reverse engineer a matching public key.

[–] Trampampoline@sh.itjust.works 5 points 11 hours ago

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW

[–] Zier@fedia.io 11 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Public key: b26Stop543looking957at140me8339when8709Im10114naked73856 Private Key: Oh SnAp!

[–] CedricWhaley@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 hours ago

All I see is ********

[–] KickMeElmo@sopuli.xyz 102 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

Is it bad that this bothers me purely because the public key can be derived from the private key, so providing both is unnecessary?

[–] trashman@feddit.org 32 points 9 hours ago

I don't geht it. Can you explain it with your key as an example?

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 8 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

Can you give me your private key so I can understand it better?

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[–] blurry@feddit.org 21 points 12 hours ago

Please mark your territory by posting the hosts you have visited with your favorite cat name.

[–] Alexica@lemmy.world 39 points 15 hours ago (2 children)
[–] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 4 points 3 hours ago

Other than size of the keys there's nothing wrong with it. Still plenty secure (from classical attacks)

[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 22 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

🤔 I do believe this is backwards, or you're Japanese

[–] Alexica@lemmy.world 19 points 11 hours ago

I’m dislexic. My friends call me Dislexica

[–] TheFunkyMonk@lemmy.world 40 points 15 hours ago (2 children)
[–] AusatKeyboardPremi@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago

I clicked on this post looking for this comment. Otherwise, I would have made it.

The ******* joke and its premise never fails to make me smile.

[–] BagOfHeavyStones@piefed.social 18 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] jim_v@lemmy.world 6 points 9 hours ago

When you type your password all I see are stars.

[–] reader@lemmy.zip 30 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] undefinedTruth@lemmy.zip 18 points 14 hours ago

That's a private / pubic key pair.

[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 30 points 15 hours ago

Public: Ssssssshhhh!
Private: Sssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

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