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"because that's just how things are done"

Then things are done in a stupid way for stupid reasons that nobody likes and we shouldn't do it then.

/c/autism is leaking.

This is me to my core. (I mean, just check the username.) The easiest way to lose my trust is to say the reason is "because I said so." Okay, but why do you say so? Is there a real reason, or are you being a buzz-kill? Because plenty of people have arbitrary reasons for things and sometimes that's what it comes down to.

I can recall specific instances where I was given a reason and it made all the difference. Like a lot of little kids, I used to scream when having fun. Just saying, "Don't do that" didn't make an impact. But when my mom explained that when she hears me scream, she thinks I'm in trouble, and if I scream for no reason it'd make it harder for her to respond if I were actually in trouble, that's the day I stopped.

A little bit of explanation can go a long way. Sometimes people treat kids like they can't understand deeper reasoning, but that's not true for everyone.

I pay it forward now. A kid I worked with preferred to point at things using his middle finger instead of his pointer finger, even when the thing he was pointing at was on the ceiling. When I told him to use his pointer instead and he asked why, I told him, "Some people think that means something very mean. I don't want people to think you're trying to be mean." That's all it took for him to start using his index finger instead.

Point is, when people explain why something is done a certain way, they can be far more likely to respect their rule. I get that there are times when quick obedience is required, like when there's imminent danger. However, explaining more trivial situations builds the trust necessary to navigate those moments better. If someone's always pushing for authority over arbitrary things, they shouldn't be surprised when people (especially kids) don't listen to them when the matter is serious. Which is why I take the time to explain things with the kids I work with - sometimes we really do need to move quickly, particularly when another kid is acting out aggressively and we need to leave the room. They know I'll give reasons when there is time, so when I tell them to do something with urgency, they know things are getting real and it's time to move.

some of these mysterious rules are peer pressure from dead people; fuck that. some of these are safety rules meant for conditions that no longer exist

Sometimes the real reason is uncomfortable and they don't want to say it out loud. Like, "the CEO is an idiot, and wants it this way for stupid reasons"

Though maybe "the CEO doesn't understand how Google calendar works, so he thinks putting our time off in a shared spreadsheet is easier" would satisfy?

At my job a lot of stupid things come out of "someone high ranking doesn't understand computers" or "they don't benefit from fixing this, so it's easier for them to leave it stupid"

ITT rampant discrimination/ableism. People acting like the world is functional or that most rules make sense and are grounded in reality.

If somebody asks why a rule is the way it is, something really beautiful happens if people entertain and allow that questioning.

Was the rule made that way to simply punish someone in the past? Could the rule be improved? Does the rule apply to the present day? Could the rule be done away with?

If the enforcement of rules is taken seriously, the questioning, validity, and improvement of those rules should be, as well.

Otherwise, we live in an authoritarian society that actively encourages enforcing/following draconian rules no one understands - rules that would likely be enforced improperly or in an unbalanced sense, because nobody can properly explain it when somebody questions the rule (in good faith).

Having trouble with authority and/or being neurodivergent doesn't mean you are anti-social, dangerous, or bad for the workplace.

Bad rules, however, can be anti-social or create a culture of anti-social behavior, they can be dangerous or harmful (especially if they can not be explained and are not widely understood), and they can be bad for the workplace. It may just not be readily apparent when everybody keeps their heads down and says yes all the time to bullshit.

I mean I usually do have a problem with authority, mostly because they can't adequately explain why.

What I learned to do is mentally answer my own question with

"Because at the end of the month we will get a 4 number number added to the bank account, which we need for wifey to get dino nuggies"

My biggest motivation to work is pure spite. Especially as an engineer. If I'm told my idea for something is shit without sufficient explanation - I'll be secretly working on that to either discover myself why it's shit or come back at ya with "SEE?!".

I mean, often what people mean is "I don't have the time and/or energy right now to explain it to you".

"Because we'll stop paying you if you don't do it."

...well, that's fairly convincing.

The ultimate hidden truth of the world is that it is something that we make, and could just as easily make differently.

– David Graeber

Ah pathological demand avoidance. It's not my inability to cope with ambiguity that's the problem, it's everyone else's inability to meet my arbitrary standards.

I agree but I can also accept that I’m not necessarily capable of understanding a reason why. Something not making sense to me personally doesn’t inherently mean it doesn’t make sense objectively. Maybe I’m lacking context or perspective or I’m ignorant to some important factor. I’m not the arbiter of what makes sense or not and my ego isn’t so big that I think I get to be the one who decides what makes sense and what doesn’t. If a person can explain to me why it’s important to them and it can withstand some poking or prodding that’s good enough for me. Sometimes it’s an understanding problem not an explaining problem. I accept the rules of physics are real but I don’t actually understand them in any depth, it’s the same thing. Humility is important too.

autism in one picture.

I feel like this meme being originally from an autism community, posted outside of it without that context, has lead to some egregiously bad takes in the comments. Unfortunately ironic. People coming in here having no idea what the autistic experience of people giving vague instructions and then just assuming you will figure stuff out is like. And then the reverse; trying your best to explain a process in hopes that there will be no ambiguity, only to be accused of being condescending.

And of course we have a plethora of "well in this edge case, its actually necessary to not question instructions!" takes, as if we are talking about last minute bomb defusals, instead of everyday office procedure or insensitive social situations. People on the spectrum are a great showcase of how unwilling the average person is to question the status quo.

i'm not sure why "social cues" and "authority" would have much to do with each other, it's not like anarchists are socially inept, in fact being socially adept is kinda a core part of functional anarchy.

I dislike arbitrary things as well, but thanks to the magic of understanding how to be social i can just talk to people about it and explain why i think arbitraryness sucks ass, and they then treat me nicely and feel bad about my struggles since i'm so easy to deal with.
And it's not like i'm some 10 charisma bard, simply being chill and not actively unpleasant gets you 80% of the way. Even if you never make eye contact you'll still be seen as pretty normal if you speak normally and follow basic conversational etiquette.

"It's there for a reason" drives me bonkers. Sometimes the reason is bad!

The secret ingredient is violence. Often legal state-mandated violence, otherwise just plain abuse and violence that's willingly ignored by the authorities.