this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2026
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 87 points 3 days ago (6 children)

The chances of a tourist being killed by an Italian chef are low… but never zero!

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago

The chances of a "missing" tourist's body being found are also low, but not zero!

[–] binarytobis@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I miss the “but never zero” memes. Maybe I’ll start flooding lemmy with them personally.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Please make at least 35% of them horny, to relieve some of the pressure on Violet.

[–] msage@programming.dev 4 points 2 days ago

Chance of them being horny is very low.

.

.

.

But never zero.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I'm only even ~1/4 Italian by ancenstry, and I would have it out for somebody who did this at a proper Italian restaurant in the US.

Unacceptable chuckle-fuck behavior.

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I mean, it's not, though. It is no Olive Garden. Thankfully.

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[–] naeap@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 days ago

Have you ever been in Italy?
They take their food seriously...

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[–] heartpunk25@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

Somebody is looking to pick fights.

[–] sigezayaq@startrek.website 34 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

nobody would react, because nobody knows what olive garden is in Europe

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

"No, this is a restaurant. And they are usually called olive orchards, not gardens. If you'd like to see one after your meal, I can give you directions to one nearby."

[–] FundMECFS@piefed.zip 6 points 3 days ago

exactly ahah

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[–] WanderingThoughts@europe.pub 30 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Americans in general are already shocked about the lack of chain restaurants and large quantity of little shops. It seems to be a bit of a culture shock. One was complaining his kid could not eat anything familiar here.

Tourist guides were also saying that most Americans absolutely refuse to leave the cruise ship if there is no bus waiting. So they get info the bus, the bus drives 400 meter (quarter mile) to the destination and ask them to do disembark. They'll always say " I could've walked!" while the guide internally screams at them they told them so.

[–] jmill@lemmy.zip 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I'm sure lots of them just can't fully internalize the fact that there are places worth going to that are close and safe to walk to. Outside of downtown areas in mid size American cities, going somewhere on foot could take hours and involve crossing streets not friendly (or sometimes illegal) to foot traffic. That sucks, and a lifetime of living that reality is hard for some people to move past.

[–] johnyreeferseed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I have a perfect example of this. Last week I needed to take my car to the mechanic. Look it up and it's only a 7 minute drive so I think to myself "I'll just drop it off and walk home! It's only a 7 minute drive away." Look up how long it would take to walk - 1 hour 5 minutes...

[–] titanicx@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 days ago

You know the opposite can be said about people from Europe visiting America for the first time too. I remember years ago when I was in high school working at a gas station and a small town in Nevada. We had some Europeans show up in the middle of the night asking how far it was to San Francisco I told them it was another 12 hours from where we are currently at to be able to make it to San Francisco. They were absolutely aghast at the size and the distance because they had already driven from salt lake City where they had flown into. It took them hours to get to the town I was at and they could not believe it was another day's driving to get to San Francisco. They looked at a map and they thought to themselves it's only a little bit it'll only take us a few hours to make it there. They thought they were going to be able to drive from salt lake City to San Francisco in just a few hours so they could check out the Golden gate bridge before driving back and catching their next flight. And they were far from the first people that I had met that made similar mistakes to that. America is absolutely massive in comparison. So it's not a surprise that most Americans would look at something and say oh my God it's going to take us forever to go from where the ship docks to anywhere we can actually do something. Because in America any place a ship docs is a really long distance from anywhere you can actually do anything. And most the time you can't even walk through those areas because most of the time they are areas that are warehouse districts industrial districts things like that. So while Europeans love to make fun of Americans because oh no we can't walk. We walk extremely far just to get to the areas that we're at. Hell my kids when they went to high school their high school was exactly 20 miles from my front door to get to their high school. The junior high that my kids went to was 3 miles. The elementary school that my son goes to is a mile both directions. We still walk it we have no issues walking it.

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Armericans walking 400 metres?

[–] scutiger@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

They don't know what 400 meters is. May as well be a million miles. They can't take that chance!

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It could be a learning experience? (Do they have those?)

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[–] WanderingThoughts@europe.pub 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Some take longer walks when crossing their McMansion to get to the fridge. /s

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

DoorDash has a service now where the dasher will bring you stuff from your fridge to save unnecessary trips like that.

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[–] JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

There aren't a lot of places in the US that have worthwhile places to visit within walking distance from an airport or harbor.

[–] Bloomcole@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Always funny to see a bunch of them walking on their tour.
Running after the guide on their way to some sight and a look of panic when they can't keep up in a crowd.
As if they're in some war zone.
Expecting to get robbed at any moment or hearing Alah Akbar before someone blows himself up.

[–] IcedRaktajino@startrek.website 41 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

I've been watching The Golden Girls and would imagine saying that would immediately earn you a Sicilian vendetta or at least Sophia putting a curse on you.

[–] nightofmichelinstars@sopuli.xyz 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Your post from a few days ago put a bug in my head and now I'm rewatching GG too, thanks for that. Ironically, loudly comparing every restaurant in Italy to Olive Garden is a hell of a Sophia style troll move.

loudly comparing every restaurant in Italy to Olive Garden is a hell of a Sophia style troll move.

It so is 😂

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Pull out a packet of ketchup. Ask them if they have dip for the pizza crust.

[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 12 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Or to try all of the sausages of Germany and say, "Not bad, but I prefer Hot Dog on a Stick".

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

"Tastes like it could use a bit more pink slime. Have you tried adding more pink slime to them?"

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

"I'm an Oscar Meyer weiner kid"

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 22 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Not one restaurant in Italy offered me unlimited breadsticks just saying.

[–] socsa@piefed.social 8 points 3 days ago

It's the opposite. They will just bring bread and olives to the table and then you find out that it was a $20 charge when you get the bill.

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[–] username_1@programming.dev 24 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I suppose they have olive gardens in Italy. Like real gardens with real olive trees. Some of them are near restaurants too, I'm sure.

We do! Some restaurants have inner gardens where you can eat and they are surrounded with olive trees. Italy and Spain are both countries that go very proud of their olive oil production!

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I went to Croatia and had Mexican food. If I had said it's no Chevy's, I would not be lying. Some of the worst Mexican food I'd ever had. I can't say I'd expected much. I got a laugh because the Aussies I was there with thought it was great. I ordered fajitas, and I got a quesadilla with bell peppers in it 😂.

Im Central American and that’s my fear about moving to Europe. I won’t be able to get the products from home as easily and cheap, will there be any good latin American food?

[–] mabeledo@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

“It’s no Olive Garden”.

Thank fucking god.

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

The food in Italy was so amazing. Even after pasta, pizza, pasta, you never felt like you had a big ass ball of dough in your stomach. Way different ingredients than USA. USA sucks for food quality most of the time.

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 11 points 3 days ago

This man is going to cause a carpal tunnel genocide

[–] bunnydog@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 days ago

I love this

[–] saltnotsugar@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago

I once asked for a traditional “Mama Mia Margarita” and the whole Italian village chased me away.

[–] muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Matteo Lane has entered the chat

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[–] llama@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 days ago

I mean it's not even a name brand restaurant how could they possibly be better

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

That's why it's the OG! Often imitated, never duplicated.

Those breadsticks are peak though

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