The Doctor didn't consider that in "Phage" and I only recall VOY using the transporter buffer trick once when they had to hide the telepathic crew members when they're traveling through Devore space.
IcedRaktajino
the so-called “First Lady of Star Trek” recorded an entire library of phonetic sounds, allowing her voice to be used in future products outside of Star Trek and, quite possibly, as the computer voice in Star Trek: Discovery.
Source: https://nerdist.com/article/the-late-majel-barrett-may-voice-star-trek-discoverys-computer/
Lizard babies, space cheese that makes the ship sick, yeah, I could see this going down in VOY.
Refurbishers on eBay
Ah, well, that limits things a bit then.
I have refined tastes when it comes to laptops, but I'm also cheap, so lightly used high end models are right up my alley. Unfortunately, I can't think of any [brand new ones] I would stand behind that are in that price range other than maybe a Macbook Neo, but you specifically ruled out ARM (they're also not supported by Ashai Linux yet, either).
Sorry.
Are you married to a new one?
I pretty much exclusively buy used ~3 year old Thinkpads which meet all of your specs and then some. My last two were X1 carbons (7th gen and now a 9th gen). Each cost me about $450.
No, but I will try that and report back.
Same. I'll have to try it with pastrami sometime.
Interesting or useful?
I don't think I have any really interesting ones, but the most useful one I have for people is "Always On".
Basically when I see that tag, I can mentally prepare myself and roll my eyes before reading. Basically it's for people who just do nothing but preach at you regardless of the topic being discussed. It's...pretty useful.
Yum! I usually do similar with roast beef.

Since that Parnell is most recently known for Jerry in Rick and Morty, I feel like we're missing out on "Star Trek: Jerry"
Picture it: Alpha Quadrant, 3070. Captain Jerry Smith's is one of the few ships to survive The Burn.
Captain Jerry: I just kept maintaining course and speed at full impulse, and it just kept working.