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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.
Might I introduce you to the good old Dutch tradition of swearing with diseases?
Tuberculosis ("tering!"), typhoid ("tyfus!"), cholera ("klere"), mange ("schurft"), smallpox ("pokken") are pretty cool and acceptable. Cancer used to be common but that's rather fallen out of fashion. You can also combine it with religious swearing AND reproductive organs for a trifecta.
"Godverdetyfuskutzooi" is just a beauty, but "goddamtyphoidvaginamess" doesn't work in English.
but "goddamtyphoidvaginamess" doesn't work in English.
Perhaps not, but I think “cunt jumble” needs to enter the lexicon.
apparently the rudest thing you can call a Dutch person literally translates as “cancer-whore”
Yeah, pretty much exactly true.
using "cancer" as a swearword is considered very bad these days, so we've actually started to censor the swearing/insults down to "the c-word" meaning that "You're a C-whore" is now actually a thing people say.
#why do they #talk like this #?
So back in the day tumblr didn't have comments. It did allow you to add tags when reblogging, so people used that instead. Of course these days tumblr does have comments, but all the good comments still get put in the tags.
Tumblr is a special place.
Hashtagnofilter
Australia has you covered
"strewth" "mate" "maaaaate" "shit a brick" "you little ripper" "bonza" "bloody oath"
Yeah, "mate" is perfect, it's just as versatile as "fuck".
Friend of mine refuses to cuss. She makes up childish ones in their place.
One day we were playing League of Legends and she fucked something up then said: "Son of a biscuit bean-dip mother-frito!!!" I'd never say it in place of a good "oh fuck me, then" but I will never forget it for as long as I live.
There are actually a lot:
"Hex me purple" is the one I use when teaching.
There is also "aww skyte" which is gibberish, but it feels right.
it sounds like a plausible dialect version of “shite”, so even if it didn’t consciously start out as one, it’ll be perceived as such
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!
What in tarnation?
That's religious though.
“tarnation” is a minced oath for “damnation”, from back when folks believed in and dreaded the fires of Hell.
Hence not what the tumblrite in the OP was looking for.
TIL
I guess technically "By the Nine" is a religious exclamation.
"you're finally awake"
The nine... Muses? Mothers of Heimdall? Months of childbirth? Worlds on Yggdrasil?
Nine rings for the mortal men doomed to die?
The nine divines you apostate!
Sorry you're going to have to elaborate :p
It's an elder Scrolls reference :)
You could substitute any number and get a superficially meaningless swear that means “substitute appropriately heavy blasphemy here”.
Having swears that hit hard that aren't:
A) homophobic
B) sexist
C) religious
D) sexual
E) body parts
F) bigoted/slurs
G) demeaning or punching down
is difficult and very rare.
I hypothesize following some of these patterns but punching up at those/that which is unethical/bad whilst avoiding immortalizing that which doesn't deserve it, for true disrespect.
I think that by novelly correcting the common lexicon, we can attempt to redirect/rewrite values in society that need to change, by utilizing shame and rhetoric in a way that is more constructive than things like putting down healthy human acceptance, trauma, or class struggles.
Anyone else who remembers this better from "Cow &chicken" correct me, but this is what I recall "dad" exclaiming:
"Well, shave my legs and call me grandpa"
Fuck me sideways and call me craig
I like "shit on it!" but that might just be because I recently watched Friday Night Dinner.
"Oh shit on it. Shit on the shitting thing!'
My favourite so far is an Irish character saying "shit the bed" with a Corkish accent.
It's a shit fuck of a dick fight. Need to trade out fuck, I guess...
I have a bunch of these I came up with for a DND character I played for a while. Try to read this with a deep southern accent.
Well, paddle my ass and call me a sailboat
Well, spit in my mouth and call me a saxophone
Well, fill me with meat and call me a sandwich
"Shit on the fuck!" has lodged in my brain. Distinctly remember laughing at someone saying it in the r/Homestuck discord, during the premiere of [s] GAME OVER.
Also reach for Justin Rozniak's "It's gone poorly."
Uff
Weiß ich ja nicht
Tja
Machste nix
Fick mich in den Arsch und nenn mich Jesus
"Bugger me with a fish fork!"
"By the tits of my ancestors!"
What in the name of absolute fuck?
Also, don't undervalue the satisfaction of going into a full Yosemite Sam litany of nonsense: "Hazzen frazzen jimpin jampin frazzle bazzle mizzen mazzen grizzle bizzle...!!!"
Jeepers
Like, zoinks!
In Derry Girls, the girls all walked into the kitchen where there was a visiting plumber they thought was hot (he wasnt), and one said "Well, fook me sideways!" I've been using that regularly ever since.
Anything can be an exclamation if you put an exclamation mark at the end! 😃
Exclamations I used to say:
"Big black bats!" - something to do with Batman or something?
"Great Qubits!" - I liked quantum physics, because I didn't understand it
Insults and exclamations I say now:
"Eat a (some kind of weapon)!" - Fancy way to tell someone "kill yourself". Like "Eat a grenade", "Eat a gun"
Random syllables that sound like Klingon mixed with Slavic and Hebrew - I speak none of those languages, but still say stuff like "Vzer krakh!" when I get annoyed by popups.
"Koskenkorva!" - the Finnish vodka-like drink. I don't even drink that.
Breaking the "non-religous" constraint, because i want to:
"Jesus Christ in a tank!" - In response to something very surprising that I can't remember
Saving the best for last: Captain Haddock interjections.
"Ten thousand thundering typhoons!"
"Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles!"
"Addlepated lumps of anthracite!"
"Antediluvian bulldozer!"
"Bashi-bazouks!"
"Pompous popinjay!"
"Pockmark!"
Darwin's Beard!
by the nine divines!
A lot of the supposedly clean exclamations are minced oaths, sacrilegious/sexual/scatological swears slightly changed around to make them acceptable in polite company (and easy to quickly change to when you started saying the rude version); i.e. “good golly” = “good God”, “bother” = “bugger”, and so on.
You can't go wrong with borrowing from Gus Chiggins, Old Prospector. "Ahhh peaches!" "Ohhh pickle juice!" "Awww cinnamon and gravy!"