this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2026
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Programmer Humor

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Give me more cups of coffee than I have blood in my body

Make my blood into coffee

Coffee my blood

[–] craftrabbit@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

Nono I only code using pure willpower

[–] f314@lemmy.world 40 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Nah, all the Gen Z programmers I know are fueled exclusively by energy drinks! None of them drink coffee.

The ones my age and older, on the other hand…

[–] tiramichu@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Developing a taste for black coffee is where it's at.

All the caffeine, none of the calories.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

and maximum laxative effect

[–] PabloSexcrowbar@piefed.social 2 points 16 hours ago

Spoken like someone who can tolerate lactose.

[–] PabloSexcrowbar@piefed.social 14 points 2 days ago

But if it doesn't have calories then I need to stop and eat.

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I’m a millennial and I’m an energy drink guy.

Expensive. Do not recommend.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 day ago

I'm a millennial and I can only afford caffeine pills.

Depressing. Do not recommend.

[–] Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it 5 points 2 days ago
[–] Enkrod@feddit.org 25 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Guess I'm not a programmer since I only mainline green tea, can't stand the taste of coffee.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm personally a black tea fan, it's just a joke on your average programmer's caffeine addiction.

[–] Enkrod@feddit.org 8 points 2 days ago

I know ;) it's okay, and all in good fun. Just a little tired of only finding "I'm a machine that turns coffee into code" shirts when I look for funny coding t-shirts

[–] reabsorbthelight@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Traitor. You shall be punished with finding a memory leak in vibe coded ASM

[–] Enkrod@feddit.org 5 points 2 days ago

Argh! No, please! Please no!

[–] TechnoCat@piefed.social 4 points 2 days ago

Yes! Green tea is my morning beverage. It tastes so good. And when I go out and get something fancy, it is matcha latte.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I spent the last two decades coding between coffee cups. I loved it. I would bounce of bed each morning with my mind buzzing with ideas to employ in my job.

Then I had to work in a different timezone. Can't drink coffee in the evening, because otherwise I don't sleep at midnight.

Every day is hell. I expend significant effort to overcome brainfog and motivate myself to work. It's a losing battle. It's also an eye opener of exactly how much I like what I'm doing, which isn't very much. I wonder if it was just the caffeine all along

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 3 points 2 days ago
  • coffee is only good for keeping the eyes open and doesn't seem to help me with mental activity. It also makes the eyes itchy when it is finally time to sleep.
  • green tea. Never tried that

I just go with cloves and cinnamon. Coffee is too strong for me and not worth the addiction.

[–] WanderingThoughts@europe.pub 12 points 2 days ago

Caffeine, nicotine and glucose, the holy trinity of productivity.

[–] xep@discuss.online 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Coffee gives me heart palpitations, and I don't drink much tea any more. Does that mean I have to hand in my programmer card? :(

That's why I quit coffee. Tea doesn't do that to me for whatever reason, probably just less caffeine total.

But I assume it also had something to do with high blood pressure.

[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago

I similarly had to give up caffeine after an ER scare late last year. I didn't turn in the card, but geeez I had no idea how hard raw dogging the work week would be.

Some of us a powered by medical grade stimulants.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Eh, just one per day or my addiction kicks in again.

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 1 points 1 day ago

don't talk to me until I've had my one per day

I could stop having one per day, anytime I want

I'm literally shaking, thinking about having my next one per day