this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 122 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] SoupBrick@pawb.social 34 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

8 consecutive gut punches.

[–] SSUPII@sopuli.xyz 40 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] recklessengagement@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

This is the funniest thing I have read all week

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 47 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I would like to introduce tentacle guy to tranquilizer man.

[–] razorcandy@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 2 weeks ago

That’s how you end up with the nightmare that seemed really real…or with the next conversation that ends up on Grindr’s Greatest Hits compilation.

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

As a pansexual man, men are the worst. If it wasn't mandated by evolution, I don't know why women would put up with us.

[–] Ifera@lemmy.world 47 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Ugh, casual sexism. Look at the bottom of the barrel, and judge an entire gender by the way those behave.

A lot of guys, gay or otherwise, don't think or behave like that. And by your own definition, you're also the worst. Sucks to have that terrible self esteem, but don't lump me up with your self-hating ass

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Try an experiment: go on Fetlife and setup a profile as a fem. Start collecting DMs. It might be enlightening.

And by your own definition, you’re also the worst.

Yes, you're very smart.

[–] Ifera@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (8 children)

Open garbage can > Look in > Mostly garbage.

How very insightful of you, mate.

There are some amazing people in FetLife, and in Grindr too. But like I said before, looking at the very bottom of the barrel and judging a whole gender based on it, that is beyond stupid.

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[–] BigBenis@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago

As a human being, human beings are the worst. If it wasn't for our tendency to completely dominate our environments, I don't know why the world would put up with us.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 38 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

I know from experience that the fuckshed dudes know how to fuck good. Their fuck shed is usually even nicer than the bedroom in their house/apartment.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Every day is learning day here on lemmy.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 37 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

You guys actually get matches?

Goddamn. Here I am in straight world with exactly one match in an entire year that wasn't a bot.

Eh

Fuck it the apps are scams anyway

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 33 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

If you download Grindr, you too can have an inbox full of poorly lit bathroom dick pics and people asking you if you know where they can get hard drugs!

It’s less a “dating” app, and more a way for “straight” men in denial of their sexuality to find dl fun.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Almost makes me wish I was gay. Getting some strange would be easier at least lol

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 6 points 2 weeks ago

There are women on the app too. And don't forget the femboys. ;)

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (11 children)

Sounds like you need to work on your profile and set of pics. Many years ago I logged into PoF as a woman and was stunned at how bad the other guy's profiles were.

  • Write something humorous, make your post amusing, doesn't have to be LOL funny

  • Don't list anything you find unacceptable, too negative

  • Don't list anything you have to have in a partner, too demanding

  • Post a wide variety of pics, get a couple of your very best, but get some day-to-day pics in there, looks more honest that way

  • Also post pics where you're in action, engaged in an activity you like, write about activities you enjoy, show yourself doing those things

  • NO: Guns, dead animals, motorcycles, trucks or other vehicles you wish to show off

  • No pics that include other women, no matter who they are. I'd try to leave male friends out as well.

  • Don't talk about being lonely, wanting to share your life with someone, nothing emotional, sounds needy, that comes later

  • No need to come with your life story, they're reading your profile to see if you're an interesting person today, not where you came from

  • Do what I did and sign in as the opposite sex (sorry, been assuming you're a man looking for a woman), read their dumb profiles, don't do those things

  • Once you get it down, splatter that profile across several websites. You catch more fish with multiple hooks in the water.

  • One final note, when you get matches, chat very briefly, ask for the date. Women out there are seriously frustrated with guys that seem to only want to talk, talk, talk. Get that date set before someone bolder asks her out!

Sorry for making so many assumptions. If this doesn't help you, maybe someone else can get use out of it. For context, I was 50-53 and pulling so many dates the neighbors were making fun of me over all the women in and out of here. Also, I'm short and scrawny, non-rich and my vehicles are 20+ years old. :)

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Huh. Well. I guess I'm doing everything right then.

Maybe the photos need a lot of work. That will be challenging.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Some of these are definitely up to your own personal preference.

Plenty of MAGA chicks on Tinder in my area that, themselves, have pics of their guns, dead animals and trucks. I'm sure they'd love all the country bros that do the same.

But then again, I don't think anyone on Lemmy wants to attract those people.

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[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

NO: Guns, dead animals, motorcycles, trucks or other vehicles you wish to show off

Dang it so no train pics I take it?

No pics that include other women, no matter who they are. I’d try to leave male friends out as well.

See I've heard the opposite advise. A non-cover photo of you with some friends including non-male friends if you have any indicates you're not a loner and might have some idea of how to talk to other humans

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Grindr doesn't have matching. You just see a profile you like and message them directly.

That's probably why it actually works.

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[–] raptorattacks@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Grindr doesn't really have a "match" system. You can send a message to anyone whose profile you can see (unless/until they block you). Think of it less like a traditional dating app and more like an interactive billboard of horny people in your area.

[–] BackgrndNoize@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Why isn't there a straight version of that lol

[–] raptorattacks@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Multiple answers to that question:

  • There are women on Grindr - in my experience, mostly trans women or m/f couples looking for a third. So men can find straight sex on Grindr, but it's rare. Women are definitely a scant minority of the users.
  • There are plenty of "straight" men on Grindr. You'd have to ask them why - I usually block them.
  • The reason why dating apps marketed towards straight people don't allow this kind of messaging (and the reason there aren't more women on Grindr) is because women, generally speaking, won't put up with the same kind of shit that gay men will. A straight dating app where men could send horny messages and dick pics to every woman they saw wouldn't have any women using it.
[–] BanMe@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The world lost untold weirdness when Craigslist took down their personals section, cause that's where my down dirty girlfriends were getting the dick back in the day. You could go on and have your pick of dozens of guys in an hour. Generally they were real guys. Most were awful but they found some diamonds in the rough.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Or it would have the horniest, sluttiest women in the world just like Grindr has me 🤷‍♂️

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[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I met my wife on IRC. Try that!

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[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You have no idea how much I wish I was more gay.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

More gay? More gay than what?

[–] ComradePorkRoll@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago

More gay than you! HA!

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

More gay than the gay I currently am

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[–] TommyJohnsFishSpot@lemy.lol 29 points 2 weeks ago
[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Are any of these real? I really want them to be but also what please no

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 weeks ago

make a grindr account and find out.

[–] pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Jesus. This whole post needs more jpeg.

[–] CXORA@aussie.zone 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Why would the first one work on me. Do i have no self preservation instinct left.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Spoiler…Mike Johnston is in the woodshed

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