Ask Lemmy

I’ll admit I lurked a bit to see if you’re US- based and it looks like you are. Maybe instead of “Jesus Christ” you can use “Abraham Lincoln?”

Like “Abraham fucking Lincoln in a cabin made of shit logs” could be a satisfactory expression of frustration.

Any name you can remember easily could work; Billy Crystal, Woody Guthrie, Greta Thunberg, even your neighbors or pets’ names.

The others will be a bit tough since they’re so ingrained in our culture but depending how “non-religious” you intend to be you can switch to “curse/hex” and wean yourself off of that into something more secular ¯\(ツ)/¯

Blood and bloody ashes

What about fictional or ancient religious swears?

• by the power of Ra!
• may Zeus grant mercy
• by Grabthar’s hammer!
• thank Thor

When I’m in a gaming VC I sometimes swap in setting-appropriate swears.

What about political figures?

• thanks Obama

What about cringy internet/gaming references?

• God damn -> mods ban
• thank god -> thanks chat

My mom always hated god damnit so I started saying “Dang-ol’ dingus dangit” and it’s stuck for half my life.

Kid friendly, has a satisfying rhythm, silly enough to difuse some of the frustration, and usually gets a laugh

I can do this all day!
~Chosen specialist subject.~

Shitting biscuits!
Foamy gushing twat!
Wank spanner!
Rancid gobstopper!
Juicy fat ballsack!
Piss on a stick!
Sloppy jizz mop!
Spunky pus bucket!
Steaming shit stain!
Thirsty cock gobbler!
Greasy prick spasm!
Fuck a duck!
Crusty cum sock!
William H. tap-dancing Macy on a motherfucking motorcycle!
Retching cunt nugget!
Flacid spunk sock!
Mouldy knob cheese!
Pint of shart!
Gaping arse sleeve!
Pus-filled pussy pocket!

I feel you OP. I do feel silly saying "oh my god" as a reflex utterance considering I'm a lifelong Atheist lmao.

There's gotta be something better than sarcastic takes like South Park saying "oh my science!"

Fucking fuck

Fucking shit

Wtf

What the shit

Fuck me

I mean there are endless combinations

My favorite come from one of my favorite TV shows, Red Dwarf.

Smeg

I like the in-universe swears from some of Brandon Sanderson's fantasy novels: Rust (rusting, rusted) and storms (storming) come to mind.

A québecoise roommate of mine got her whole office yelling "chicken FRITE" (fried chicken in franglais).

"What the shoes" is kind a fun one. I'll also yell "fudge knuckles!" which doesn't really mean anything but is pretty satisfying to say.

Could you replace them with the swear words you don't mind saying? Or am I not understanding what you're looking for?

e.g. "For Christ sake" can be replaced with, "for fuck sake".

Just say "fuck."

German has a rich vocabulary of non-religious swears:

https://dein-sprachcoach.de/schimpfwoerter-jetzt-wird-es-schmutzig/

“Aw biscuits”

Bob Saget

Rather than "god damn" I usually say "gods damn". I'm not religious at all, but I'd rather someone mistake me for a polytheistic pagan than a Christian.

Always some material from Bill Dance. First clip on this one

https://youtu.be/hoQIljOKwpo?

"Kiss me where the wind blows"

SomethingInGERMAN!!!

Okay, little backstory here. When I was growing up, there was this fighting game called Karnov's Revenge, and it was the 90s, so the characters said little 2 second phrases that more or less sounded like words. My friends and I were fascinated by it, ended up adding many of those phrases to our vocabulary. One of those characters was a giant German wrestler named Marstorius - and some of his phrases were just incomprehensible. So we ended up just yelling "SomethingInGERMAN" when he would pull of his big wresting move. No, not a translation, no actual German words were injured. And boyo did that stick, still say it to this day.

https://www.arcadequartermaster.com/kr_characters.html

Big fan of people angrily shouting TITS

Also, cum's on the table

"By the power of grey skull!" (Fucking hell)

I got tired of trying, live in the Bible belt and grew up with all those words as my lexicon.

God damn, oh god, Jesus christ, etc. If anything feels good because religious people dislike it lol

Avis: Vous avez été exilé de [email protected]

Notice: You have been exiled from [email protected]

"fuck me in the ass, that's mildly inconvenient"

Frack. Dank Farrik. Sleemo. Kriff.

Here's a dictionary of them. - https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:Fictional_English_curse_words

Technically, it's basically equivalent to "oh my god", but the Vietnamese phrase Oi Troi Oi is outstanding

I've always been a fan of "Great Caesar's Ghost!"

Blathering Blatherskites!
Great Scott! Great Googly Moogly Narf! Blech Hot Dog! Hot diggity! Salad! Biscuits! Corn Nuggets! Nerfherder Awoooguhhhh! Ballyhoo Farfegnugen To the mattresses! What in tarnation? Shoo whee

"oh my fauci"

"thank darwin"

Common swear words fall into religious, sexual, and fecal. If you merely want to evade religious, there's plenty to choose from. Shit, ass, fuck, etc.

Shazbot

I know a pastor that will say “mother father!” in lieu of motherfucker

I'm sorry but although your objective is to rewire your neurons, in order to be understood by others with precision you would have to first change culture - and that takes a long, long time.

So in English you probably don't have good substitutes that don't sound religious outside of those you already mentioned and their varieties. I'd be asking a similar question to people who speak other languages, that can be fun to explore and see what other cultures use instead of "fucking hell" or "holy shit" if they have translatable expressions that don't include anything religious.

Jesus titty fucking Christ can be any name you want.