RattlerSix

Alf's favorite food was neighborhood cats. And that's how I remembered it because I was an innocent child who was going to heaven. It never dawned on me until today, the day the internet caught me slipping, that this literally makes him a pussy eater.

Tighten your Jesus nut

Maybe, but there's always the likelihood it's even stupider than that

Well, this killed the last bit on childhood innocence I had left. Somehow I have resisted into my 40s making this connection

"Do people just not read? Are people that lazy? What is going on?"

Not much, what is going on with you?

I don't play video games, are there are lot of 53 year old men seeking the adoration of gamers?

I didn't even know it was possible for pants to touch short sleeves

Look guys, we know y'all eat beans on toast and spotted dick, be a good sport and take some of this chemically tainted chicken off our hands

If I were the richest man on earth, I don't know what kind of person I would be, but I sure as hell wouldn't be a whiny little fuck

Flush twice, don't want that turd coming back

If he got in your face and you had your hand up and it just barely touched his chest he'd be yelling "CALL 911!! THATS ASSAULT!!!"

"Penn Jillette is one of my favorite people to just listen to talk."

I've listened to his podcast since it started. He's hilarious and has some of the best stories ever