this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2025
282 points (98.6% liked)

Not The Onion

15698 readers
1141 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 65 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Can I be nit-picky here for a second?

If you're genetically modifying an elephant for cold tolerance and fur growth, you're not "bring a mammoth back from extinction", you're creating a furry elephant. It may look somewhat like a mammoth, but genetically it's not a mammoth at all.

It's like saying you can genetically modify a homo-sapien to have a pronounced brow ridge and a hairier back and say that you've brought the neandertal back from extinction. No you haven't, you've just designed a human who looks different.

[–] gofsckyourself@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

Well, the goal isn't to just create woolly mammoth-lile creatures by copying characteristics. The goal is to recreate the genome from what genome data we have into a living creature.

It's not like they are trying to create a sweded version, but take a creature that is already close and change the genes to match.

At least, that's how I understood it based on the article.

[–] Silic0n_Alph4@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (5 children)

And next you’ll say that genetically-modified ears aren’t enough to make catgirls real either 😩

Can we let this one go? Not for science, not for accuracy, but for the prospect of having catgirls in our lifetimes, at least?

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] yyprum@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago

I already have the hairy back, can I say I am half neanderthalensis? Better than homo sapiens seeing how things are going...

[–] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

That's not nit picky.

[–] pip@slrpnk.net 2 points 1 month ago (25 children)

And the most annoying part is that this is incredibly fcking useless. Wooly mammoths went extinct for a reason. Large animals are become less and less evolutionary preferred. Wooly mammoths are adjusted for the cold while our globe is warming.

Can we just use our fcking resources for things that matter?????

[–] FoolHen@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Not really, we humans killed most big land animals that we found as we expanded our territory, back when we were hunters. This happened in big "islands" like Australia and Madagascar, as well as all the small islands. There, large animals had lived in equilibrium for centuries, and their extinction matches some short time after humans arrived. An exception are the galapago islands, as they were discovered in the 19th century.

[–] pip@slrpnk.net 1 points 1 month ago

Besides the fact that the hunting hypothesis is that; a hypothesis, there's a lot of other factors as to why it isn't a good idea. Mainly, ohh idk... The fact that they have had no place in nature in over tens of thousands of years? Even if we managed to create an artificial habitat and role in an ecosystem for them, they would be very vulnerable due to megafauna's increased minimum land requirements because of their size and in danger constantly due to climate change.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (24 replies)
[–] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 40 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Kind of a dick move to bring an animal from the Ice Age, back to experience global warming.

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago

Global warming 2 extinction boogaloo

[–] quoll@lemmy.sdf.org 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

mouse sized woolly mammoth would be pretty fucking cool.

imagine the sound when he toots his little trunk.

could store him in the fridge.

[–] Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But how would he get in the fridge?

[–] Birch@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago

Open door, giraffe goes out, mammoth goes in, close door

[–] popekingjoe@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago

Everything weird about this aside... Those mice are fucking adorable.

[–] proceduralnightshade@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 month ago

They do look extremely cute though.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago

Is this how we get tribbles?

[–] takeheart@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

new Pokémon just dropped?

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

How many butts do the mice have?

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Got the woolly m, just need a few more letters.

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 4 points 1 month ago

I'd like to buy a vowel. "U?"

Damnit!

[–] SapphironZA@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago
[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Ever since I was a kid I've always been hyped about the idea of them bringing back the mammoth. Been hearing about it my whole life...

But I have to ask... Why are we trying to, exactly? I mean, the planet's heating up. why are we trying to reintroduce a woolly mammoth? It's one thing if they're talking about using actual mammoth DNA and cloning it, but that article was talking about specifically just turning on some genes that cause fur and cold tolerance... What is the point of just making furry elephants at this point? Where are we sticking them, and why are we sticking them there? Is there some ecological niche that needs filling? Are we going to attempt to populate Antarctica (and hope it stays cold enough for that?) with hirsute pachyderms?

How about a different plan? As much as I have been excited woolly mammoths my entire life, let's try something a little different. Let's shrink the elephants we have, and introduce them into North America. Elephants the size of bison, roaming the continent. You can still make them cold tolerant, to handle winters, and give em some fur if you want. But the elephants we have are going extinct, and you're worrying about bringing back something else. How about we save what we have? Let them roam and graze Europe and North America, replacing the Aurochs and the bison. God knows we're not going to stop eating anything too cow like, so wild bison is basically right out. Let's let the elephant fill these niches, and save the species. They're too fucking smart to let die. Elephants got fucking religion, y'all. We cannot let them die.

[–] BastingChemina@slrpnk.net 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Reintroducing mammoths in the arctic could potentially help reduce the climate change.

There is a scientist in Siberia who built the Pleistocene Park. An area where he reintroduced a lot of large herbivores and studied their impact. He's saying that boreal forest have a very low biodiversity compared to mammoth steppes. The steppes have way more animals, are stocking way more carbon in the soil and prevent methane leaks by keeping the permafrost frozen due to the low albedo of the biome.

The problem is that with the mammoths are indispensable to maintain the steppes. They are the only animal big enough to clear up trees, without them the forest is taking over and all the ecosystem of the steppes disappear.

So (according to this scientist), resurrecting the mammoth could revive a whole ecosystem, with a very rich biodiversity and that could have a give impact on the climate.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So there is a good reason, then? I've googled it before, and the best answers I've gotten are basically "cause MAMMOTHS!"

If that's the case and there's a good reason, then hell yeah, do whatever we can to prevent climate collapse!

But also, give me small elephants, please? Especially if they can manage Chihuahua sized elephants. I would have so many! And I would make sure they always have a clear view of the moon goddess they worship

[–] Silic0n_Alph4@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Don’t let me harsh your vibe here, but are you sure about the moon thing? https://www.iflscience.com/the-internet-appears-to-believe-elephants-worship-the-moon-58666

I’m down with chihuahua-sized elephants, though, don’t get me wrong here.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

We need to answer the age old question - what did wooly mammoths taste like?

[–] NauticalNoodle@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 1 month ago

gotta start somewhere

[–] the_q@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Why? How about focusing on preventing more extinctions instead of some Jurassic Park bullshit.

[–] calcopiritus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

We have to experiment with mice before achieving the ultimate goal of laser shooting sharks.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago

I'd like to buy a vowel. "U!"

Damnit!

[–] RaoulDook@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

"We were like this close" 🤏

load more comments