I owe my soul to the company store.....
this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2025
188 points (98.5% liked)
Not The Onion
15714 readers
2193 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Next stop, severance minus the outie part.
Oh, for fuck's sake. I started reading this thinking it was satire, and after it just kept going did I realize that this was serious, and not just some long-form ribbing.
We really need a term opposite to "eat the onion".
I really shat the yam on that one.
I don't know. I think the opposite of an onion would be an orange not a yam.
Well the opposite of eat would be barf, so, "horked the orange"?
Edit: a word
That works
I thought horking was snorting. Huh. I wonder whether that’s ever led to communication issues.
They can. It's called Work From Home.
That’s why they can’t
And pay them with company specific crypto they can spend in the company store.
You push 16 branches, and what do you Git?
Another day older and more tech debt
@saint_peter don't you page me, 'cause I crashed the repo----
I owe my soul
to the bezostore
Corporations: "We will literally do anything to avoid giving our employees dedicated workspace where they can do their job uninterrupted."
Company towns coming back as company apartments.
in the key of G "and I sold my soul to the company stoooooooore"
Glad to see someone on the same page. I read the title and immediately thought SAINT PETER DONTCHA CALL ME 'CAUSE I CAN'T GOOOOOOO
Sure, let me take a dump on your desk too.
Why not cut this slippery slope crap and just go straight to slavery?
they stopped themselves from being literally The Onion just in time
I find it hard to believe he'd just table the idea at that point.
After the employees realise it's just slaves
Slaves are more expensive since you have to treat them as capital.
Nah, you generally can depreciate capitalized assets /s
Only if they're regulated. Or if salaried workers have any rights, since you could otherwise just conspire with other companies to push salaries down, ensuring ~~"free" slaves~~ collaborating individual entrepreneurs are cheaper
"No, no, no, it's not a company town... it's a company tower... which is completely different. By the way, did you meet Brian? He's the new manager of the convenience store the company opened in the lobby. It's right next to the company elementary school. You can use the company issued script to buy stuff there, it's great!"
I'm sure it was your autocorrect, but for anyone who doesn't know it, the term is "scrip" :)
Wait, I should type :( because it's a very depressing concept.
It happens, sometimes, if you're hiring someone to work in a remote location. Oil rig workers, say.
No. They are absolutely desperate to get people to return to office aren’t they?
I’ve said it many times now. The workhouses are coming back.
SCP 001 : 05 the Factory
That's what happened here. The mines gave apartments to the miners. The higher ups lived in better ones etc. Worked out well till the mines weren't profitable anymore
well till
Water charges?
Nah, Europe isn't as ducked as the US, the apartments just went to them and the city moved away from mining
Can I pay in company scrips?
I get the dystopia but if a company gave me an apartment in the city along with family healthcare where they pay 100% of medical costs. I would take minimum wage.
And your employer would own you. You couldn't afford to ever tell them "No".
are you kidding. I would be able to save more than ever before and have an easier time leaving.
load more comments
(2 replies)
This reminds me of the Onion episode where the staff from two different car manufacturing plants fight for there jobs.
No, let them work from home.
That's the idea.
When the office becomes the home, they are working from home.
Do you want your office to be home?
No. I like having two different places for work stuff and not work stuff.
To actually address the question, it's because commercial buildings don't (generally) meet residential building code requirements, even if there's a kitchenette and a shower, etc. They are simply not meant for the same purpose or to be occupied 24/7 unless they were engineered that way from the start, which is exceedingly rare. A lot of office buildings have floor-to-ceiling windows and complex HVAC systems simply to make sure people aren't cold, breathing stale air, or too humid/dry, so they also use a lot of energy.
Also fire safety, if you have people sleeping in the building you need a much higher level of protection.
Why not let children live in womb ?
Abso-fucking-lutely not.
view more: next ›