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I've commented on this before, she needs to learn to communicate her desire and not just assume her being in her underwear instantly communicates "I want sex."
Like, sure, if he saw her in her underwear and understood this was her way of communicating that and he is still not going for it maybe there is an issue. But by default there is no way to know that is what their relationship is like.
Yeah, I've had exes where them being in their underwear meant they wanted to have sex. It also meant they were just getting ready for bed and weren't the slightest bit interested. If I was in bed watching a video on my phone it means I've already broached the subject and been shot down. I'm not going to make an attempt again just because she took her clothes off. She's going to need to actually communicate if she changed her mind.
Exactly. I hang out in my underwear and in the nude all the time with my partner, it doesn't mean anything sexual for us. It is a sign of climate change. For us, we just tell each other.
Yeah I had an ex who had to tell me the opposite. She just had weird germophobia about sitting on public seats then sitting on home furniture. I thought she was always just raring to go when we returned to one of our apartments.
That's not weird. Sitting on home furniture in the same clothes you sat on a bus means depositing particles of bum vomit and god knows what else on your home furniture.
Ladies, if you want sex, say so. Nothing shameful in it. The times where every little bit of initiative has to come from the guy are really past, and even if some of you seem to think that - we cannot read your thoughts and you might just sit there in your underwear because you are comfortable that way.
Eh it’s a turn off to literally say it but I just grab the dick and smoosh the titties In his face and he gets the idea pretty fast. (Of my partner, of course)
I know - plainly saying that you wanna get some action can be hard. But it gets easier the more often you do it if your partner goes along with it in my experience! It validates you in some primal way, because it isn't just a default response to titties and dick grabbing - it is an response to YOU acting on him. The experience of your partner getting fucking excited by what you are doing to him is worth it, and it should also be reciprocated by his actions at another point in time. It ensures both of you that you still find each other attractive.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to complain when a partner will never make a move, or hasn't made a move in a long time.
I'm a straight dude in a long term monogamous relationship, and I don't like stretches where I'm the only one initiating. It needs to be give and take, over time. Being desired, especially when I'm not expecting it, is part of my own emotional needs, and I can't imagine it's uncommon, even across genders and sexual orientations.
I fully agree that this is a 2-way-street. But in my experience over the last 27 years of relationships, women still somehow think that simply responding to male sexual drive is enough, while most young men nowadays are keenly aware about the fact that permanently lusting over their partners is a very pushy thing to do, and they have adapted to that reality. Also, young men (at least the ones worth of being in a relationship) also realize that this is a 2-way-street. So it is only fair to expect from this lady - who is publicly complaining instead of talking to her partner, which in itself is somewhat fucked up - to voice her desires instead of holding her partner to an impossible standard.
Edit: she can complain publicly again if her partner categorically refuses sex with her regardless of circumstances, but she might be better of separating at that point instead of whining - there are enough men out there that are viable partners and who would do a lot for that opportunity - if she is a decent partner herself.
when a partner will never make a move, or hasn’t made a move in a long time.
That's how I've ended up in situations like the OP. If she's shot me down the last 20 times I've tried to initiate anything I'm going to stop doing it. It's on her to let me know when she's in the mood at that point. I'm not gonna just keep dealing with rejection and feeling like I'm pressuring her to do shit she's not interested in for whatever reason.
Yep, that's my experience too. After a series of getting shown the door, she has to announce when it's ok again. This is a basic curtesy to expect from a partner (regardless of gender) that was not in the required headspace for sex for a while.
My wife is ace/demi so I have to initiate it; otherwise, it's rarer than Mewtoo. I'd enjoy being pursued sometime because it'd be a boost to my self image.
That's a harsh situation if your self-worth is hinging a lot on being desired. But it is also something that can be overcome with communication and some basic agreements if both of you really want to pursue that relationship. I am pretty sure that if you told her that your self-images hinges on her desiring you, that she would occasionally go out of her way of expressing how much you mean to her.
and god forbid you assume the undetwear means she wants sex
modern society clearly says that is sexism or something
My wife comes out in underware, it means laudry day is past due :)
Depends on the underwear.
Not even that is a sure indicator. They might just wear the intricate and fine stuff because they felt like it, not because they are horny. It still needs some confirmation about her motives, especially in this age where (finally! and even against the backdrop of erosion of womens and LGBT+ rights) consent is so important.
Bold to assume any heteronormative women to who this advice applies are reading your message here.
It was a general advice, and it does not only apply to heteronormative women - i only used "ladies" because it matched the OP and because heteronormative women are probable the most susceptible to this way of thinking. This is general relationship advice, because communicating your needs is necessary for any successful relationship, regardless of gender.
I think they are saying women are rare here and among us, due to being the type of person that would be on lemmy, are unlikely to be this kind of prude anyways.
That is of course a valid assumption, but i assume that the amount of women here is larger than we all suspect, exactly because of these cliches.
Real talk: A lot of hey-this-will-be-awesome sword making documentaries on YouTube have gotten to where they're trying to sell them.
That's not what I'm about. I don't care about your side hustle. I care about your interest is veering into a passion that goes a bit beyond what is acceptable in polite society.
I Don't know how far a halberd would penetrate into a 2019 GMC Yukon. That's what I'm about. That's what the world needs.
There's an xkcd hover text that really captures some of my feelings about people and their interests/passions:
I never trust anyone who's more excited about success than about doing the thing they want to be successful at.
This is an underlying filter for whether someone else's passion strikes me as interesting. I need a level of authenticity in the people who I interact with on any given topic.
I feel like this is the type of comment that, were it posted to one of the big sites, would've gotten reposted to the rest of them. Not unlike the original meme.
I mean the solution is simple.
Fire up that forge. Then she can finally start pounding that hard rod.
This proves that the classics can still be reposted.
There's a reason shows like MASH and Seinfeld see so much viewership in syndication.
Run the classics, baby! People want it!
I would argue that they're classics because they get reposted.
Be more interesting than a documentary?
Society still can’t comprehend men who are not totally controlled by their own sex drives.
For real. I was made to feel like I was broken for so long because it turns out I'm Ace. My ex had me convinced for years that I was being emotionally neglectful and abusive because I wasn't horned up for her basically 24/7 and would start huge screaming fights any time I had the audacity to say "No" to her advances for literally any reason. Then she'd go completely cold on me for days sometimes weeks at a time.
But it was all my fault because I wasn't "Making her feel desired enough" or whatever. She eventually pretended to be poly to Monkey Branch to one of my friends. That was fun.
It is also a sword making video. I sort of want a link.
And simultaneously is (rightfully) scared by men who are. Gotta really toe the line.
Also it's a pretty transparent desperate attempt at some attention, and the internet's natural response whenever anybody does something like that, is to deny it.
Would I rather have sex, or watch a new Alec Steele video? I think the answer is pretty clear.
The solution here is clearly to have sex while watching the video
Do it doggystyle so you can both watch ~~X-Files~~ Medieval Swordmaking Documentaries
I can’t speak to medieval sword making docs, but Nova has an amazing one on Viking weaponry called Secrets of the Viking Sword. I very much enjoyed it.
The Viking culture arose and fell during the Medieval era....
Right but most people don’t really thinking Viking when you’re discussing medieval swords. Hence the addendum.