this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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The "No Shit September" challenge!

Parttakers:

  • must refrain from shitting for a whole month (at least),
  • can take a single cheat day, when they can take a single shit,
  • must be extremely smug about taking the pledge,
  • must tell everyone they're taking part of it.

People who fail the challenge must change their profile pictures on all social media to the shitter wojak. Those who succeed can move onto the "No Oxigen October" and "No Nut (as in food) November challenges. The challenge is done in order to raise awareness of colon cancer.

To know more about how shitting is actually unnatural, bad for your health, was made up by plumbers to both control you and sell you toilets, all while shit retention is opening your shit chakra thus leading to you acquiring psychic capabilities please watch a Chinese doctor's YouTube video on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-cfWM0BC_4

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[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 77 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This reminds me of my high school days. In health class, we were taught that a healthy digestive system had at least one bowel movement per day. Throughout the course, we were also encouraged to promote generic healthy habits with our friends, family, and classmates; basically help each other stay accountable with their health and nutrition.

One of my friends took this to heart. He started going up to people - literally anyone - and asking in a concerned tone, "Did you poop today?"

If they gave any answer besides "yes," he would go off about all the health benefits associated with a daily bowel movement and what kinds of healthy foods and exercises would assist in having one. He would even offer to provide moral support from outside a bathroom stall if they needed it.

We all got a kick out of how deadpan and serious he played it. When the teacher asked him to knock it off, he insisted he was just concerned about promoting healthy habits, then would ask her if she had also pooped that day. To a room full of teenagers, there's nothing more hilarious than asking a teacher if she's pooped. No matter her response, the whole room was rolling in raucous laughter.

It's been over 20 years since then, and every time we meet in person, he still greets me with, "Did you poop today?"

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Does he work as a plumber today?

[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 41 points 1 month ago (2 children)

He does not, sadly. He lived a pretty wild party life for many years that got him addicted to heavy drugs, and he became a gay prostitute for a while. He completely disappeared for a handful of years into some creepy sex cult and popped up again when he was rushed to the ER one day. Almost dying in a hospital was the wake-up call he needed.

He's been through rehab and recovery and as far as I know, he's working a pretty normal office job now. I'm good friends with his family, so I see him every time he's passing through town. And he still asks me if I've pooped that day.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

I mean this in the best way. Your friend needs to write a book about his life, legit would be interesting.

[–] monotremata@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 month ago

I seriously admire this level of commitment to the bit.

[–] four@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 month ago

The hero we need!

[–] sober_monk@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago

I thought this was in July.

[–] TheFriendlyDickhead@feddit.org 29 points 1 month ago

That reminds me of the post from (I think) three years ago where a guy asked what to do to not have to shit for a week or so. That was some quality content

[–] arotrios@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Dear god, don't post this on Reddit. People will die.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

brb posting on Reddit.

[–] Pixel_Jock_17@piefed.ca 4 points 1 month ago

There was a great post on here a while ago about not creating thing "in Irony" because it just leads to the opposite

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 20 points 1 month ago (2 children)

as someone with ibs that would be a dream

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Have you tried putting a cork in it?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That works, but the cork must be buttplug shaped.

[–] NoForwadSlashS@piefed.social 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I imagine this works exactly like a champagne bottle.

[–] Omega_Jimes@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

I wouldn't call it "Champagne" unless they're from the Champagne region of France.

Otherwise it's just pissing out my ass.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Just hold it in for a while, then you will defeat your shitting addiction.

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 6 points 1 month ago

🤣 if only!

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I'm afraid someone might take this shit seriously

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

No, the whole point is to not take shits.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Memories of that post where the guy was convinced by 4channers to store his shit in the attic and, surprise surprise, it was starting to stink through the ceiling.

[–] Chl0r0f0rm_Angel@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think lemmy's apparent propensity for avoiding shitting is way funnier than whatever that bean business was. Why don't you just do that whenever there's too many politics in the shitpost community?

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago

Beans help you shit.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Okay, who’s nutting in food?

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Protein maxxers?

[–] EvilHankVenture@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Don't kink shame. Also want to come over for dinner tonight? I'm making fettuccine alfredo.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

If it’s as good as your eggplant parmesan count me in! 🍴😋

[–] bashibazouk@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Sounds like a lot of people will be full of shit. Literally instead of just metaphorically...

[–] zikzak025@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Where's that post from the guy who was asking how to avoid shitting for days?

[–] TR3@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’m immensely disappointed that the link wasn’t a rick-roll.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

That would have been a bit too obvious, some have learned the link of Rickroll to avoid them.

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 6 points 1 month ago

Well, fuck you, I'm three shits in before I even saw this post. Fuck you. Shit on you, in fact. Shit on all of you.

[–] Burninator05@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

The link played a video for Domino's. It's like YouTube wants me to fail the challenge.

[–] chunk6235@piefed.social 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I have never been more right and yet so wrong about the contents of a link....

[–] MrShankles@reddthat.com 2 points 1 month ago

You described my exact thought so well

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Followed by colon cancer awareness October

[–] dawcas@scribe.disroot.org 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What if I sit on the toilet the cheat day and two shits come out? D:

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

You must instantly clench your sphincters the moment the first one comes out, no cheating!

[–] GargleBlaster@feddit.org 6 points 1 month ago

Stuff it back

[–] speckofrust@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is the ultimate shit post.

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago

I'd argue it's no shit post

[–] Varesti@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I know it's a joke, but technically possible on a water fast. I'm not recommending it, but not actually impossible.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

And if you have a megacolon, though with that you might have to go Caesarian pooping by the end of the month.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hmm, is trying to curb shitting appropriate for the shitpost community?

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

I just wanted to make fun of "No Nut November" challenge posts.

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Awww yiss, opening and balancing my shit chakra as we speak.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

The immense power of Shitckra is not for the masses!

I completed a 5 day no shit music festival. Next time I'll just remember to bring paper.

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