this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2026
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Funny

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 112 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"What's the difference between curtains and toilet paper?"

"I dunno. What?"

"SO IT WAS YOU!"

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 24 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Twenty years ago I was at my sister-in-law's house for a New Years Eve party and got blasted by doing a combo of tequila and gin shots. They packed me away into a tiny side room (it was like a 125 year old house) with no heat and no blankets and left me to pass out. At some point I figured out I was freezing to death so I guess I ripped the curtains down and rolled up into them. Then I puked. A lot. In the morning I was the meat in a puke burrito.

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

LOL one night after a party where a lot of people pretty much passed out, I woke up to just barely in time to stop my friend who was about to pee in the closet.

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I went into a Hardee's bathroom one night as a drunk teenager and peed in their sink.

It's amazing the things that trigger our memories sometimes.

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago

the meat in a puke burrito.

glorious xD

[–] hakase@lemmy.zip 77 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My dumb ass pronouncing it "onionized" when I read it.

[–] RogueBanana@piefed.zip 25 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Osprey@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

geez, i just thought you answered yourself. who took the avatar from whom here???

1.25 gpa here. That joke required searches on my part. I'm 48-ish now. If you cold ask me how to reduce a chemical equation, I'm going to say, "turn the Bunsen burner down to low".

[–] Metostopholes@midwest.social 29 points 3 days ago (2 children)

A while back I thought of a (much less clever) joke that only works in text:

Do you know how hard it is to get an authentic French baguette around here?

It's a real pain!

[–] postman@literature.cafe 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Change it to "A real pain" without the "it's"?

[–] PrimeErective@startrek.website 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Isn't it because it's pronounced "pan"?

[–] postman@literature.cafe 1 points 2 days ago

Not because of the pronunciation, because of the grammar. For the pun to work, it has to be read both ways.

So, how hard is it to find a French baguette? "A real pain," i.e. a drag, indicating difficulty. Or else, "A real pain," i.e. emphasising the genuine nature of the bread we want -- this interpretation fails if preceded by "It's".

[–] LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago

It is French for bread.

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Bread in French is "pain"

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 5 points 2 days ago

you can tell it verbally just pronounce it the way you think the other person would and watch for the reaction on their face when they get it

[–] evidences@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My personal version of this, since the Republicans always call themselves the party of Abe Lincoln I spent the entirety of Bidens presidency trying to get a get joke setup for why do the Republicans call themselves the party of A. Blinken referencing Bidens secretary of state. But this doesn't work audibly in any way.

[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They didn't say "Abe Lincoln", they said "Hey Blinken".

[–] evidences@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Master Robin! You lost your arms in battle! How terrible, but you great some nice boobs.

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

A. Blinken

Also the name of his band.

[–] KurtVonnegut@mander.xyz 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I get that chemists are concerned with the ionization of things, but what do plumbers have with unions and unionisation? Are they famous for that? Or do not get something else?

[–] baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de 40 points 3 days ago

all kinds of tradespeople are often in unions, or at least more often than for example white-collar workers

[–] 0li0li@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Quite good, wish it didn't include the last comment below as it's a pretty big hint.

[–] venusaur@lemmy.world -1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Yeah. I was like, if you don’t get it from the second comment you’re just not gonna get it.

EDIT: I was pretending to get it but I get it now and I guess the last comment is trolling?

[–] Randomocity@sh.itjust.works 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

How is the last comment trolling? How would you tell this joke verbally?

[–] venusaur@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Ah I was thinking no way to tell why it’s funny verbally

[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 days ago

hyphen is your friend

[–] SourDrink@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Ionizing the union right out of it!

[–] Mechanism@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Hey I got that right away! Am I smart? :o)

[–] Arigion@feddit.org 3 points 1 day ago

Yes, you are. And now stop scrolling and unclog my toilet.

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 2 points 3 days ago