You've sold your soul for a very slightly better handjob. Nowhere does the contract say it's mind-blowingly better.
this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2026
560 points (99.0% liked)
Microblog Memes
11774 readers
1999 users here now
A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.
Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.
RULES:
- Your post must be a screen capture of a microblog-type post that includes the UI of the site it came from, preferably also including the avatar and username of the original poster. Including relevant comments made to the original post is encouraged.
- Your post, included comments, or your title/comment should include some kind of commentary or remark on the subject of the screen capture. Your title must include at least one word relevant to your post.
- You are encouraged to provide a link back to the source of your screen capture in the body of your post.
- Current politics and news are allowed, but discouraged. There MUST be some kind of human commentary/reaction included (either by the original poster or you). Just news articles or headlines will be deleted.
- Doctored posts/images and AI are allowed, but discouraged. You MUST indicate this in your post (even if you didn't originally know). If an image is found to be fabricated or edited in any way and it is not properly labeled, it will be deleted.
- Absolutely no NSFL content.
- Be nice. Don't take anything personally. Take political debates to the appropriate communities. Take personal disagreements & arguments to private messages.
- No advertising, brand promotion, or guerrilla marketing.
RELATED COMMUNITIES:
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
The devil has to go first so he won't know how much better to make it.
In my expirience i will always win unless the handjob is within 5-10 days of distance because every handjob after the first one is just not as good in that window of time
If he waits i can just do one every once in a while until he gets bored or i forget for more than 5-10 days
Whoever dies first wins. At least he wouldn't get your soul!
I challenge the devil to end world hunger forever. First one to feed the world wins.
I suppose there could be some monkey paw-esque shenanigans killing billions, but at this point we might as well let a non-human cosmic being do it.
If he feeds everyone great, if he kills a ton of people at least the climate crisis is sorted and thousands if not millions of animal species are saved. I avoid the moral implications since the intent was to feed people and the devil picked the evilnest option. But honestly I think they would just solve world hunger a more normal way.
Just one catch: the reason we have world hunger is not the number of people or a shortage of food. It's just politics, power abuse and warfare. Unless those dynamics change we could be a tenth of the current world population and still have famine.
Oh I'm aware, but we're talking about the devil here.
Apparently his fiddle game is trash, or so I hear.
Not up to Georgia standards at any rate
A humility competition.
I'm not the most humble person in the world, far from it. But I think I can (probably) at least beat the Devil in that. I mean, the dude thought he was better than God. He is, literally canonically, the most prideful being in existence.
A who-needs-the-most-time-to-steal-my-soul competition.
damn, if I get to choose.. then it is not a fair game.
first, if he is there threating me to go to hell, then it is safe to assume that heaven is real.
challenge him to do something against his nature.
Challenge him to be the better kindest person, can't be a kind person if he sends people to hell.
Challenge him to enter heaven by merit.
The devil doesn’t send people to Hell. God does. The devil is just there to receive and punish the people God determined weren’t good enough for Heaven.
"He's sending us to eternal damnation because he loves us!"
-Christians who are in an abusive relationship with their god.
Hell, I don't even think canonically he has any kind of official position. The Devil isn't Hades. Hades has an official position - he's Lord of the Underworld. He's just as much a deity as any of the other Greek pantheon.
But the Devil? I imagine Hell as just a giant hole in the ground where God throws things he doesn't like. As the oldest and most powerful being in Hell, the Devil ends up running the place by default, but it's not a position of divinely-granted authority. He's just as much a prisoner there as anyone else. The jail just has no guards, so the prisoners end up running things.
Hell, I don’t even think canonically he has any kind of official position.
He doesn't. Him being the ruler of Hell was first depicted in Paradise Lost.
load more comments
(3 replies)
First, the existence of hell does not necessitate the existence of heaven. The existence of the Devil doesn't even require a God. Maybe that's just the story we tell ourselves because the truth is too bleak.
technically true, based on pure logic.
but lets face it, if I see a creature from the lore of certain religion, it would be a reasonable assumption to expect other aspects of their mythology.
finding a bit of gold in a river could mean that I have found all the gold in that area and there's no point in searching. but come on.
Send us both to heaven. The last person to leave heaven loses.
So, you're both in heaven and the last person to leave loses, assuming you mean just out of the two of you (since this is about winning a competition against the devil), the devil would leave immediately and win. Are you assuming the devil can't then claim your soul since you're already in heaven? Why not just make it "the last one to leave wins" and then you and the devil are in a staying-in-heaven stalemate.
I'm pretty sure they meant first one to leave loses (or last one to leave wins) and just had a brain fart.
The Devil technically didn't win if you don't leave heaven
I beg to differ.
If heaven is full of people that are alright with a cryptic contract that requires faith without evidence, then it's a truly awful place to live.
Imagine being in heaven and knowing any of your loved ones were burning in hell for eternity. You can't help them, and you're supposed to think they deserved it.
That is my hell right there. Heaven is a contradictory concept that cannot exist in the way the Bible describes it.
When I was a kid, I always figured in Heaven everyone is just sterilized copies of each other incapable of any negative feeling. Like being forced into an eternal lobotomy.
If all negative things are wiped away in heaven then you literally aren't capable of feeling jealousy that your partner remarried and now lives in paradise with their second partner instead of you, or that your favorite family member is burning in hell for all for eternity for being gay and the only reason I could think of is that God ripped that part of you out.
load more comments
(2 replies)
He's a magical being. Any competition is pointless, you'll lose. It's just another way to torture people.
I'd refuse. What's he going to do? Torture me?
The old story/song, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," isn't about a young man winning a bet against the Devil that he's a better fiddle player. It's the devil tricking poor Johnny into the sins of pride and greed.
The Devil pretended to lose so that Johnny would think that he was the best fiddle player in the world, even better than the all-powerful devil himself. (Pride) And then Johnny claims a reward of a solid-gold fiddle. (Greed) Johnny just cursed his soul to damnation, thinking he could actually beat the devil at his own game. It was a no-win scenario; the devil claims his soul either way.
Arguably wrath too ("I done told you once, you son of a bitch"). Also, isn't God the only thing you could reasonably call the Devil's parent? Did Johnny call God a bitch?
This is emphasized in the song by the fact that the Devil's fiddling is way better than Johnny's.
Well the fucker cheated (surprise surprise) by having a band of demons join in.
That was just for flair. The isolated fiddle part was better alone anyway
The interpretation I’ve heard is that the Devil does genuinely lose, because he doesn’t understand the cultural aspects of what it means to “fiddle.”
Like, what’s the difference between a fiddle and a violin? They’re the same instrument, but played differently. The Devil is able to master the technical aspects, but the point of a fiddle is to play songs to get people to dance - standards that they know and love. It’s not about hitting all the notes right, it’s about being the right kind of performer.
It was a no-win scenario
Johnny could have just said "Beat it, dipshit." When the devil offered him a bet.
Yrah, he could have said "beat it, just beat it."
But he didn't want to be defeated!
No one does!
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
People may say, "Well Charlie Daniels beat him."
Charlie Daniels is also a magical creature.
So is Les Claypool. (Primus covered it)
load more comments
(2 replies)
My wife and I were just talking last night about how great it is that Dean's unhealthy eating is essentially the writers continuing/canonizing a running gag from the set because everyone made fun of how Jensen would personally eat like half of the crafty table every day.
I didn't know that. Makes the Scooby-Doo gag even better because you know he would have done the same thing as Dean in that situation!
Or you get your hands removed
But then you could get robot devil hands and play the shit out of a holophoner to win the love of a one eyed alien babe
You don't think I could do it with 2 nubs?
Why does this post feel like someone applied the Facebook CSS to the 4chan HTML?
view more: next ›