this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 120 points 3 days ago (14 children)

This feel oddly real and heterosexual, I don't like it

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

I have someone related to me that took in a stray Maine Coon cat that was actually a Bob cat and they didn't find out until the first vet visit. I think it had to go to some zoo or like Sanctuary place because they had it for quite a while and were feeding it like regular wet cat food.

[–] SalmiakDragon@feddit.nu 31 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it's fake (and gay)

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[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 142 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wolf: "W...What the.... brain overloads from getting pet like a good boy"

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 148 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wolf: I hope this doesn’t awaken something in me

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 65 points 3 days ago

I wonder if those humans have any more of those delicious pastries

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 88 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Ha ha, "looks like he's going to call HR for inappropriate contact"

For the record, there has never been a documented attack of a healthy wolf on a person in North America. Obviously if they get rabies or distemper or something all bets are off.

[–] Talentlesssculptor@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (6 children)

You are wrong. Candice Berner, Kenton Carnegie and Marc Leblond were all deemed to have been killed by healthy wolves.

There have been at least 24 non-fatal wolf attacks by healthy wolves since 2000 in north America alone: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wolf_attacks_in_North_America

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[–] Lauchmelder@feddit.org 90 points 3 days ago (3 children)

There's also never been a documented case of a wolf contacting HR

[–] Kimjongtooill@sh.itjust.works 38 points 3 days ago

There would be NDAs involved, so take that data with a grain of salt.

[–] Kanda@reddthat.com 22 points 3 days ago

That's because HR will anonymise the contact data before publishing

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 3 days ago

depends on how many furries are in your company

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Another element that could be at play here:

He thought it was a dog.

Dogs, because we domesticated them, have muscles around their eyes, that allow them to make eye/eyebrow expressions.

Wolves do not have these. Because they're the ones we did not domesticate for millenia.

So, if he was expecting dog expressions... wolves literally cannot make the same facial expressions.

They essentially always look like they have RBF, in comparison to a dog.

[–] ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago

It's thought the species we domesticated was distinct from wolves of today. That species went extinct in the wild.

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Interestingly some dog breeds also still lack those muscles, like huskies

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Huh! You're right, I did not know that.

Huskies are... much closer to being actual wolves though, genetically speaking.

Seems like this applies to malamutes and samoyeds as well...?

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I wonder do dingoes have them. I haven't been able to find any information on that yet

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My, ahem, blind guess would be probably not, as they've... not been widely and thoroughly domesticated for 20,000+ years?

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh the genetic confirmation for dingoes to have arrived in Australia is about 8000 years ago these days. So it's about when did the extra muscles evolve and in which genetic lines? Dingoes and the new guinea singing dog are traced to have come from the wolves domesticated in Asia, so I guess they wouldn't have them unless they evolved independently or the genes spread before they got separated in Guinea and Australia? But then do japanese breeds also not have them since they're from the same lines probably? I don't know, there's just too little information online. Or if there's more, I can't find it

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

No idea what the more precise timeline is, for when and where dogs started having eyebrow muscles.

Maybe if we did something comparable to the Human Genome Project, but for dogs, we could figure it out, lol?

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 23 points 3 days ago

There have been documented healthy wolf attacks in North America. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wolf_attacks_in_North_America

Some on the list are rabid, but the list also includes both captive and predative wolf attacks, including fatalities.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 60 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 41 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Meanwhile cats just showed up, said that they live here now. 10,000 years later, cats run the internet and more or less still the same genetically for the past 10,000 years.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 42 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 1 points 20 hours ago

People get a dog to feel like a god. People get a cat so they have a god sitting on their chest meowing at them for food at 6 am.

[–] MrsDoyle@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

more or less still the same genetically for the past 10,000 years

That doesn't stop people from trying.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

They kill rats.

Keep the granaries uninfested.

And roughly half of them also carry a parasite that rewires the brain/neurological DNA of humans via epigenetic manipulation.

Also they can be adorable.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The wolf his pack now calls Poptart

[–] GraniteM@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

"It was one time!"

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Wolves can get rabies, that can be a factor for being more willing to socialize with people.

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