No Stupid Questions

It's hard at first and then you learn to do it and get good at it. I still hate finding a new doctor, but that's because it's a tedious process full of disappointment when what you need is something most doctors don't do or advertise whether or not they do it (adhd meds mostly).

My mom died when I was around your age (early 20s). It was really hard not to have her there to help me learn to do such things, but I had to do it, and so I did it. I wish she'd taught me when I was a teenager, but oh well. Around that time I had to teach a friend how to do such things too and she found it absolutely liberating once she got the hang of it.

I'm in my 30s now, and my wife and I both have tasks we pass off to the other, often because of mental barriers or just struggling to start. But when push comes to shove we both are entirely capable of such things, we just have someone we can lean on and swap tasks with.

It's ok to be scared, but do it scared. It's ok to do it late, but do it anyways. You are capable of all this, and you'll be much happier once you build these skills and independence. The only way out is through and it won't be comfortable, but it will be worth it.

Oh and for the practical of how: look it up. The state department website says how to get a passport. Oh and if you have to interact with the government but are unsure of what to do, ask a local librarian. Not kidding, they typically even have common forms already printed out or they can help you find the information. They're good at finding information.

You probably do have those issues. I did and do too. Being courageous is doing it anyway. My anxiety brain is very loud sometimes. It takes a lot of practice and energy and some meds but I do stuff anyway. I have to be okay with screwing up. I used to be a perfectionist and still have to fight that. Just do stuff and deal with the consequences. 99% of things can be retried.

Yeah, adulting is hard. But then you do it and you realize that you can do hard things. That feels pretty good.

Or you make a mistake and learn an important lesson; an expert is just someone who has made every possible mistake in an area.

Then eventually hard things stop feeling so scary.

Most of the time, you can say things like, "I've never done this before", and the people you're interacting with will tell you what to do.

So, at the doctor's office, just ask the receptionist what they need you to do. If you have questions, ask.

The trick is to not care about not knowing something. Everyone is born knowing nothing. Everything has to be learned. Ignorance is only a flaw if it's a choice.

First - try not to worry (easy for me to say that, I know). This sort of stuff can seem overwhelming, especially if you've never done it before. Many (most/all?) people will have felt the same at some point, and possibly even still do after going through it plenty of times. Perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. But you can get through it.

Second - try not to catastrophise about what *might *happen, what *might *go wrong, because that's just an endless loop of worry and it'll make it harder to get on and do the stuff (which leads to more worrying, etc). Most of it won't happen, so don't waste energy thinking about how you'll cope with situations that you'll probably not ever encounter.

Third - Don't fear gatekeepers. I find that most people, most of the time, are genuinely trying to be helpful and pleasant, and if you say to them that , "I've not done this before, how do I...?" they'll help you out as best they can. Don't be overly apologetic, don't go in with the assumption that you're a bother to them or are wasting their time - it's their job to help get you from one position to another, and it's usually in their interest to get you there with the minimum of fuss. Just be polite and clear and they'll probably do the same.

Not everyone will be like that of course, but most will (in my experience anyway), especially if you keep things simple and focus on the task you want to accomplish rather than giving off "I'm panicking, help!" vibes, as that makes emotional demands on them, and they are usually there for functional reasons, not emotional support. So just be like, "Hi, I've not done this before, can you help me?" and take it from there. Let their experience guide you.

Fourth - do one thing at a time, and even then break tasks down into smaller chunks. So the passport thing - read what you can online (or speak to someone official), and note down specific documents/photos that you will need to gather. Then take each of those as its own individual task and break those tasks down into the steps to achieve each one. Each individual task probably isn't all that complicated on its own, and you don't have to do them all at once. Spread it out as much as you want, unless you're in a hurry. But have a plan and stick to it, eg:

Day 1 - I need a photo - What kind of photo is acceptable? Where can I get one? Can I get it today? If so, go get it (if not, decide when you will do so, and stick to that), put it somewhere safe (a folder, and envelope, whatever) - and then stop. You've done the first task, well done.

Day 2 - I need proof of my address - What kind of proof is acceptable? Do I already have it? If so, get it (if not, decide when you will do so, and stick to that). Put it aside in your folder - and then stop. You've done the second task, well done.

Etc...

If something proves easy/quick enough, then maybe start on the next day's task, but don't try to do everything at once - you're learning this stuff, you will make mistakes, but you'll also cope with them and learn better for next time.

Adulting is complicated - but you learn it bit by bit, and in the end you'll be ok. Good luck!

Well it feels like that the first time. When in doubt, for most standard procedures such as getting a doctor's appointment or renewing a passport, you can always search online how to do it. Sites like wikiHow or government information websites exist for these reasons

It's natural to feel anxious when you're doing things independently for the first time.

If you never feel comfortable doing these things without your folks, it's a sign something is messed up. That's not if you keep doing new things and feeling anxious about them, though. That's if you are still feeling anxious setting up a dr's appt alone when you've done it a hundred times already. I feel anxious about these things sometimes even though I've done it on my own for decades, and it turns out I have an anxiety disorder.

Hopefully, for you, doing these things will make you feel an increase in confidence, and in the future, you'll know it's doable. Bit by bit, you learn you can do things.

I think it's supposed to feel normal, but for me i have to hype myself up and set aside a whoel half a day in which x task will take place. Like anything you listed there (passports, airports, going to the doctors) is a "big task" and no more than 1 big task can take place in a "block" of my day (i seperate the day into 3 blocks of 5 hours of productive time; 7-12, 12-5, 5-10.

Oh and the only cures for doing stuff without your parents is A) to do more things without them, draw upon similar experiences you did without them to inform how you behave in a new experience. E.g "i haven't gone to an airport before but i've caught a train before, so i knkw about askkng for help and getting tickets" or B) to be experienced enough at doing something with them thst you can do it alone yourself.

Also just a little planning or googling clears up all problems you might face. Leople are also more accomodating than you'd think towards someone doing things alone for the first time.

When you're a teenager, your parents are supposed to be encouraging you to do things on your own so you can learn independence skills.

That seems kinda normal-ish: You just have to figure shit out for yourself if you haven't already been taught. Ideally, your parents should teach you, but the flip side is you can't teach someone everything and you can't even know everything yourself. It's more or less part of growing up and having anxiety over it is pretty normal IMO.

Try not to catastrophize everything: People before you have run into these issues before you, so there's information out there, you just have to locate it.

For the passport issue: There are instructions on the website of your country that explain what you need to renew or sign up for a passport. You might not be able to get it all right away, so try to get things moving sooner than later when you have something you need to do in the future: No time like the present! Fix it now and it won't be a problem later, your problems won't start to pile up as fast.

Good luck younger person, it can be scary but you can do it!

I haven't had anyone to take care of me since the 90s and honestly, most stuff just doesn't get done.

I have the opposite thing going on. I want to do everything myself, and kinda resent it when people offer to help or give adviced if I didn't ask. I want control over the things I do. Probably because my mom was a bit of a helicopter mom.

I'd say it is a little intimidating to do things the first time, but there's a first time for everything you do, and it will eventually become normal to you.

I was able to do this kind of shit at 13/14. It's not hard.

You just do it. There is no 'correct way'. Sounds like you have anxiety about doing things 'wrong'.

Read the instructions.

Okay not to your extent but having been thrown into the deep end in a foreign country with zero survival skills I can relate. First yeah I don't think most people have this kind of trouble. The key I've found is to beeline towards the thing closest to instructions (written or verbal) you can find. While getting panicky probably isn't normal (no judgement though, fuck normalcy), not knowing how to do things is perfectly normal and there's 99.9% going to be someone or something easy to find for people who have no idea what they're doing. Well, in the developed world anyway, but you don't exactly give me "I'mma go to Mozambique" vibes so you should be fine. Anyway yeah, I for one can say that help desks and clear signage absolutely hard-carried me through my first (and second, and third...) time at the airport; just don't be afraid to ask for help, look things up and pay attention to signs and you'll be fine.

What you're going through is pretty normal although you seem a bit extra anxious. As you do it more and more it will become easier. It's fine to not know how to do things, if you ask people they will try to point you in the right direction.

One thing I find is to just accept that sometimes you'll fuckup but the nice thing is that the only person it affects is you. If I book an appointment and I don't bring the right documents or I miss it, that's OK I can wait a few weeks and do it again no big deal.

Yeah that is about it. One day someone is taking care of your needs, and one day it is on you.

As those dumbass ads say, life comes at you fast.

Not anymore, but at one point, yes. It's like anything else, practice. Adulting isn't easy, but you'll eventually need your parents less.

How old are you?

What actually helped me was getting a job where I was dealing with a lot of people face to face, all day.

I hated it for the first six months, but after a while I realized that not only was I getting better at the job, I was getting better at life.

Wut?

It can be anxiety inducing the first time you do anything on your own like that. Rest assured, though, that you are not the only young adult feeling this way. Just do it, make a few mistakes in the process, and then you will be fine. Plus, you will know better next time.

With regards to the passport photo, it's fine, just look at the guidelines thoroughly as they are very specific in terms of your background and stuff. In particular, you're not supposed to use a selfie, because the angle will be all wrong. (You can use a cell phone pic with the proper background and lighting, they just recommend that someone else actually take the picture at the proper angle). Having said that, my last passport pic was a selfie which I took from arms length, and they accepted it....

My parents live several hundred kilometres away so ....yeah.

Some day you won't have a parent to do things for you.