this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2026
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39
Transitioning without trans friends. [Venting] (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
19 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So I've started on ~~subconscious~~ subcutaneous estrogen injections and so far so good. I seem to be ok with it mentally. No mood swings so far and I actually have some hope for the future. And I've been thinking more clearly, which is a double edged blade.

I have come to realise that I have no good friends who live locally, and the nearest gender queer friend is a 2 hour flight away and they're non binary (not transfem). I really want to have at least one transfem friend in the town where I live, but I don't. I know there are other trans women here because I see them out and about. But you can't just go up to someone and say "hey I see you're trans! I've just started estrogen! Let's be friends!". There are no LGBTQ+ clubs here and even if there were, I don't have the time or money to go out.

Realistically I don't even have time to maintain friendships, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything going on in my life and just want to speak to someone irl who understands. I'm not really depressed per se, but I also don't want to become depressed because I don't have anyone to talk to about my struggles.

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[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

You sound like a wonderful mother, you remind me of my mother honestly. She always puts my needs before her own needs.

I want to share just one little thing from my relationship with her: I once came home from school to find her on her own in her bedroom crying her eyes out. She had never let me see that sort of strength of feeling from her before so it was clear to me this was really serious.

She explained to me then that she was really really unhappy in the relationship with my step-father and she had been for years, but she didn't want to disrupt my life and she didn't want to seperate me from him because I was so close with him.

She had basically prevented herself from being okay and happy because her highest priority was not disrupting my life, but really I couldn't have cared less about that dude, or the house I was in, or whether we moved away, I just wanted her to be happy, because I could tell she wasn't. She was sad and it was obvious that she was even though she was doing her best to hide it from me. Living with that sadness was worse than whatever disruption came after.

I wish I could have told her years before that I would support her and she didn't need to sacrifice her happiness for me, especially because she was assuming that leaving my stepdad would be really really disruptive for me, and it just wasnt.

Kids are really fucking resilient. I know that you will always put them first, but I hope you can get your oxygen mask on too if you get what I'm saying.

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Oh it's nothing like that. It's honestly self preservation. My kids are like a hurricane. If I take any time off, I'm just making things a hundred times worse down the line. They can create 2 hours of unnecessary housework in 5 minutes. My partner has chronic pain and can't run around after them so I either stay on top of the situation or it gets out of hand real fucking quick.

At least 2 of them have pathological demand avoidance, so getting them to tidy up after themselves is about an hour of subtle hints and gentle persuasion for 10 minutes of cleaning (and even then only if I gameify it). Taking a break is the same as ripping the oxygen mask out while the plane is on fire, it just gets much worse.

[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Sorry for mis-reading the situation. I hope that i don't sound like I'm being preachy with you, I guess I was just hearing in your story, something that seemed resonant to me, but i was off-base. I really wish you the best off luck.

I still think you sound like a great mom.

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 3 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

I get it, and to an extent you are correct. It is overwhelming sometimes but I just have to remember that it's not going to get harder as they grow up. So the time will come when I can take a break without sabotaging myself. And you can bet your ass I will!

[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 11 hours ago

You deserve it.

[–] AzuraTheSpellkissed@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

I wish I had a good solution to that problem... Honestly, I think going up to people like "excuse me, sorry to bother you but I needed some guidance... Do you know your way around transitioning?" with an awkward smile might just work. And a "no" is easier to suggest than if you'd randomly ask for friendship. I almost once pulled this off, but I had people nearby who I didn't want to know yet. 😩

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 8 points 23 hours ago

It's more that I just don't want to randomly out people. I'm sure it doesn't feel great. It's like some random bitch coming up to you and saying "yeah you totes don't pass 😘"

[–] ste7plnah48@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You're in the right place then. :) Also, subconscious estrogen injections 😆

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Urgh, I hate mobile phones. I swear I am aware that I'm doing it.

Yes you ladies have been wonderful, but I just want to be able to sit down with someone and put the world to rights over a cup of lapsang or other less hipsterish beverage.

[–] mossy_@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I get it. I live in the south US, so I can't be directly useful to you though :/

I've been doing this whole damn process blind, injections, hair care, clothes, have just been me throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Just tried to trim my eyebrows last night and I think I screwed it up..

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 4 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

My partner's ex is transitioning in the deep south. I'm not sure how she's doing. She mostly has very left leaning friends, so there is that.

I'm going to let my partner take care of my eyebrows. Hers are always on point. The trick is to always wax them and never shave or pluck (apparently). If you use the ready to use wax strips, you can cut them to the right shape and you get mirror copies of them so both sides are identical.

[–] mossy_@lemmy.world 1 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

oh that's a good idea

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

It hurts like fuck but it gives you reliable Lauren German eyebrows when done correctly.

[–] mossy_@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

it's that "when done correctly" that worries me 😅

[–] WillStealYourUsername@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Are you in the norwegian trans discord? Most users even speak english there for autism reasons if your norwegian is lacking

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My spoken Norwegian is fine and honestly my written Norwegian isn't much worse than my written English (dyslexia). The problem is that I have a whole brood of neurodivergent children who eat up all my time and money. I haven't hung out with the friends I do have locally in several months.

[–] WillStealYourUsername@piefed.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

ah i getcha. kids are a lot

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Yeah I have 4 of them.

[–] akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 day ago

I haven't begun transitioning yet, but regarding not having anybody to talk to who truly understands you, I feel you. Painfully so. I am already depressed and the isolation makes it worse. Antidepressants do help to take the edge off so that I don't end up lying in bed, all day, catatonic. I don't even know what I was trying to say here. Oh, right, these online communities also do help. I know it's nothing like the real deal, but I think you can feel genuine caring and love digitally too.