Transfem

Your regret is valid and understandable. We all make choices in life that we can come to regret. I am very sorry that you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of wishing you could undo something that cannot be undone.

You are welcome to discuss this here but some of the language you use is extremely triggering and highly correlated with bigoted narratives about bottom surgery. Such as describing yourself as broken, describing your genitalia as rotting, etc. I normally allow a certain amount of this but frankly this thread was very intense and even just reading through it all to understand what was going on was quite hard. Some content warnings and perhaps a bit of consideration for other users would go a long way.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences in other communities treating you like your regret isn't real. Your suffering is real and you have every right to talk about it here with others. A lot of gatekeeping has gone on in this thread and I am working through it now to address it.

If anyone finds their comment has been removed by me I would encourage you to read the rules and understand that this is an inclusive community of all transfeminine people. Even if you suspect that someone is lying or misrepresenting themselves or their experiences, it is still not permissible to interrogate them in such a manner. You can always DM me or Ada if you suspect someone of showing up to cause trouble. But creating public threads to speculate on whether someone is a troll or not is just categorically unacceptable here. We have few reliable ways of emperically verifying those things out in the open. So its pointless and just promotes a hostile atmosphere of interrogation and gatekeeping.

I'm going to leave this thread locked for a bit while things die down.

Your feelings are totally valid, my advice to you is to seek out a trans-friendly therapist and to work with them. It sounds more expensive than it is, and if it could save your life, it's worth every penny.

I'm really really sorry you're going through this, it sounds incredibly traumatic and difficult, and I really wish there was more advice I could give.

Try to hang in there, and I really really hope things improve for you.

Sorry to year your experience with your bottom surgery and attempts at getting support in the past have gone poorly. From what I've seen in the past, lemmy trans spaces tend to be better than that.

I don't really have any advice unfortunately. It seems like its difficult to try to get a phalloplasty after having a vaginoplasty; even if you can find a surgeon who is willing to try, there's higher risks from my understanding and you may have to do a lot of self-advocating to get the surgeon to be willing to try.

Not exactly what aspects you miss about it, but would a packer potentially help? Seems like it would be worth a try?

I hope you can find some peace regardless of what it takes.

Wow, what a ridiculous take from the reddit. “Regret is rare so it doesn’t exist”. Honey, BEING TRANS is relatively rare in the general population and it’s real as hell.

I wish I had better advice, but try to remember no feeling is final and there is always a tomorrow. Though it may be a hell of a battle to stay sane while going through this I know you have the strength to keep fighting as you had the strength to make such huge changes to find yourself originally, even if you might have pushed too far in that direction with that choice. Lots of love girlfriend <3

Regret might be rare, but rare doesn't mean non-existant. You're the second person on here that has mentioned it. It's a small com, and I haven't been a member for that long. In fact I'd say that bottom surgery regret is far more common than most other parts of transition.

There's a toxic idea going round that bottom surgery is just a part of transition. The medical system where I live won't consider me "trans enough" to get any type of treatment including hormones because I have expressed a desire to keep my equipment. And even within the larger trans community people are extremely vocal about wanting to get rid of their twig and berries, but you don't hear much from people who want to keep them. It can be very one sided.

In terms of coping with the results of your surgery you have two options. To learn to live with it (therapy etc) or to seek out a phaloplasty. I don't know much about it, but I've heard that it can be done. I know there was another girl here who was looking into the latter option (I think she was from Argentina). I'm not sure if she found anything but I'm sure the post is still up if you want to look it up.

It's not the same as therapy, but if you need to vent I'm happy to listen. I recently had a circumcision for medical reasons and the urologist botched it. So the entire underside of my penis is covered in hairy scrotum and feels horrendous and makes my partner bleed when we have sex. While it isn't the same as a vaginoplasty, I still mourne the loss of propper feeling and function.

What made you choose to go through with it in the first place?

What makes you miss it now? What is it about then vs now that you miss?

There are risks with everything. I'm sorry you are suffering. There is so much to unpack about something like this, and people are probably afraid to say the wrong thing since everyone has such strong loaded opinions about this shit.

You can still find happiness in life. It's a big change, but it can still be okay. I truly appreciate this post and I hope dearly that you choose to stick around.

This is something to take up with your medical professionals.

Health care systems vary, but hereabouts you'd have ongoing contact with a therapist, have scheduled follow-ups with surgeons and other doctors responsible for your surgery, and a legal mandate to be informed (beforehand) on your options in case of regrets.

I have no idea what you think an online community can do for you about this — Talk to the health care providers who got you this far.