this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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[CW: Mentions Suicide, Surgery regret] How to get over regret about bottom surgery without killing myself? (programming.dev)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by MarthaPuppyGirl@programming.dev to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I had bottom surgery almost a year ago and I regret it so much. I didn't say anything up to now I kept getting told that feelings of doubt and uncertainty will get better as it heals, well it's healed for over a month and it hasn't gone away. It's gotten worse! I feel like I'm broken, like part of me is missing. I wish I didn't fucking do this shit. I miss my dick and balls so much.

Don't tell me that I don't regret it and that regret is rare. This isn't the first time I spoke up. I said this shit on Reddit and the dipshits who run r/trans banned me telling me that regret is rare and that I probably don't regret it, and that the chance of me being not trans is tiny. I explained to those dumb fucks that I 100% am trans, am a woman and that I miss my dick and balls and they got me suspended for 3 days and muted me.

I absolutely regret it and I absolutely am a woman. Some days (currently now) I think about killing myself because I know I'll never be whole again. I just want to get in my car and drive off a gate bridge, and that would be it.

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[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 4 points 1 week ago

Being post-op doesn’t change shit for trans women when it comes to hook ups or even meeting people. Transphobes will do it regardless. Transphobes will see you as a man regardless. Everyone in the trans community is inescapably aware of this. People who are not transphobes will have no issue seeing you as a woman regardless of your equipment.

I've seen comments/posts from stealth trans people talking about keeping it a secret. There was a post recently on one of the comms where they mentioned their hookup partner said her cervix felt weird (because she doesn't have one). I've certainly gotten the idea that such is achievable for some people. My impression is also that snip-snip memes are also far more common than memes celebrating the rejection of bottom surgery. There certainly can be an implied peer pressure, even when people are just talking about their own personal experiences and not implying some universal truth. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome is really common and could lead to overcompensation (such as seen in transfems who have a hyperfeminine phrase right after cracking and transfems who go through a hypermasculine phase right before cracking).

I've never tried taking any of the steps towards getting surgery, but is it really that impossible that Martha didn't at least mostly believe she wanted it during the lead-up? Honestly, I hope they're not as bad as you make it sound. Surgery is scary regardless of what kind, so there's no way I'd ever not express some level of doubt for that reason alone. Also feel like I'd be so embarrassed about the topic that it would be difficult to convey a sense of confidence that its something I wanted.

NSFW?

Lastly, the idea that you can no longer touch yourself after bottom surgery, jack off to porn, or feel yourself is absurd.

Jackoff is generally specifically used for something you do with a penis. Jilling would be the equivalent for a vagina. Also, if you don't have your penis or balls, you can't touch them. I think you're misunderstanding what was said there. The idea that they're equivalent seems absurd; part of the reason I'd want bottom surgery is because I want to change how I interact with the hardware sexually instead instead of trying to split the fantasy apart from the physical actions. That said, perhaps having fantasies that don't match the hardware is something Martha could work on?