this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2026
217 points (97.8% liked)

Not The Onion

20787 readers
2058 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Paranoidfactoid@lemmy.world 2 points 8 minutes ago

TOTAL RATINGS DISASTER

[–] Bloomcole@lemmy.world 2 points 58 minutes ago

Never interrupt your enemy when he's making mistakes.
Thank you comrade Trump

[–] Luminous5481@anarchist.nexus 178 points 9 hours ago (3 children)

you know, I have got to hand it to trump, he's really impressed me. I think we all owe him a bit of grudging respect. we constantly put him down, day after day, but here he is. not only consistently showing up, despite his decrepit appearance, but proving once again that he absolutely CAN do something even stupider than what he did the day before. this sort of exponential stupidity takes effort, ladies and gents.

[–] Zephorah@discuss.online 27 points 7 hours ago

The guy once stated that he doesn’t really feel his personality has changed since the first grade. This was probably one of his more honest statements.

It’s not effort or work you are seeing. It’s a child’s guile wrapped in an adult’s body.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 56 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Plot twist. It doesn't take effort. It just comes natural.

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.today 24 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

when your a star, they just let you do it

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 hours ago

My new brain canon is now that he somehow said the wrong "your" because that seems on brand

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Keep that statement saved. You'll need it again soon.

[–] Luminous5481@anarchist.nexus 3 points 7 hours ago

yeah, like tomorrow

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 14 points 6 hours ago

What a competent man trump is. He'll rape your daughter and then endorse Paul in the same day. I think trump should enter the ring against Anthony Joshua just like Paul did and every non-abusing father should get a front row seat.

[–] Hayduke@lemmy.world 63 points 9 hours ago
[–] FoolishObserver@lemmy.world 40 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

There's gonna be a fight during the White House UFC event where the winner gets a cabinet position, isn't there?...

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 18 points 8 hours ago

The new ballroom doubles as a ring.

[–] xerxes@piefed.social 17 points 8 hours ago (4 children)

It turns out "idiocracy" is actually a documentary.

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 23 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

President Camacho

I would vote for this man over Trump in a heartbeat!

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 9 points 5 hours ago

Camacho definitely understood there was a problem, sought after someone much smarter to help solve it. Can't say any politician today would be humbled to do something like that.

[–] darkdemize@sh.itjust.works 12 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I'd honestly prefer that scenario to our current one. At least they were just stupid and not cartoonishly evil.

[–] NekoKoneko@lemmy.world 16 points 6 hours ago

It's been said many times, but to say it a different way: the government and Camacho in Idiocracy were much much better, since they immediately elevated the smartest person they could find to a cabinet-level post and accepted help rather than just lied about the problem.

[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 7 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Don't Look Up is more fitting as a documentary of our times. In lots of ways.

[–] MBech@feddit.dk 3 points 1 hour ago

Fucking infuriating movie. Not because it's bad, but because it is so fucking spot on about every single political issue in USA (and to a lesser extend, but still fitting, the rest of the world). I know it's a metaphor for climate change, but every single political issue in USA is dealt with just as moronically as climate change.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 1 points 7 hours ago
[–] eddie@feddit.online 27 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

another classic example of qualified political leadership who came from the disney-channel-child-actor=to-us-political-official pipeline

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 16 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

The paul brothers came from the disney channel?

Damn. I thought they started as youtube vloggers that pissed on a japanese grave or some shit.

[–] brosaph@lemmy.world 11 points 8 hours ago

Pretty sure Logan uploaded a video showing a dead body in the suicide forest

[–] digitalFatteh@lemmy.ca 20 points 8 hours ago

Odd that the Paul brothers like hanging out with child fuckers, traffickers and molesters amongst other people with the Republican Party.

Guess they just enjoy the like minded company …

[–] gary215@thelemmy.club 25 points 9 hours ago

Of course he would, he only picks the best of the scum of the USA. He's proven that point over and over again.

[–] assembly@lemmy.world 6 points 8 hours ago

It’s like we as a county are playing a game of, “locate and find the worst of humanity and put them in public office “

[–] Archangel1313@lemmy.ca 8 points 9 hours ago

Of course he would.

[–] Pratai@piefed.ca 2 points 6 hours ago

Idiots tend to support one another.

[–] rem26_art@fedia.io 4 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

Jake Paul will be 35 in 2032, which i guess means he could run for president that year. Mr. Beast won't be able to run till 2036.

Both of these are nightmare options

Shit, beast is going to restart USAID just to create the most morbid possible humanitarian effort (televised on CBS, of course).

Malnourished kids are going to fight in a pit over chicken bones.

[–] Link@rentadrunk.org 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

You need to be a certain age to run for president in America? I understand minors but I’m talking about adults.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 5 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Link@rentadrunk.org 1 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

Is there a reason for this? Is it experience?

Because if so surely there should be an max age limit too? You shouldn’t be able to run if you are nearly 80 with dementia…

[–] rem26_art@fedia.io 2 points 4 hours ago

I don't really know the reason why 35 specifically. It's been that way since the Constitution was written. Maybe they felt anyone under 35 couldn't have had enough life experience to properly carry out the duties of office? As for why no max age limit, no clue there either

[–] baronvonj@piefed.social 2 points 4 hours ago

The reason is simply that the Constitution says so since the beginning.

[–] hellfire103@lemmy.ca 5 points 9 hours ago

I need horrible things to happen to these people.

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 5 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

that makes sense the USA frequently elects clowns with no political experience

well done to jake paul 2028 president of america!

[–] the_crotch@sh.itjust.works 4 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

There's not necessarily anything wrong with electing people without political experience. If everyone didn't have an equal shot we might as well be a monarchy. The problem is we never elect anyone good.

[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 2 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

There’s not necessarily anything wrong with electing people without political experience.

I'm sorry - what? Of course there is. It's a job that affects the lives of thousands to millions. Having experience with the systems, the laws, and seeing the results of legislation and the like is critical to being able to govern and legislate effectively.

[–] aaa999@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 hours ago

What about her?

[–] the_crotch@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Electing a legislator is not electing a dictator. The system was designed to give people with good ideas a chance to lead, not just professional politicians. Your attitude is borderline elitist and leads to the "ok it's my turn now" phenominon that's made the Democrats so ineffective in the last couple of decades. The only time anyone's gotten excited for them in recent memory was Obama, who had been a politician for a whole 4 years before becoming president.

[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 hours ago

Electing a legislator is not electing a dictator.

No shit. But you presumably still want qualified people doing the job?

[–] cybervseas@lemmy.world 3 points 9 hours ago

Crypto scams for everybodyyyyyyy!

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 0 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

And that dumbass would be better than the rest of the dipshits in the Trump cabinet.

[–] MBech@feddit.dk 1 points 1 hour ago

I'm really not convinced he would... He's just as much a piece of shit as anyone in the cabinet.

[–] AlexLost@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

These honestly just keep getting funnier. Who will he think of next?!

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

Trump will make him king of Puerto Rico

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 1 points 8 hours ago

Very serious country.